First off I want to thank all the wounderful people here and the power of the internet which gives us access to be able to find each other!! its amazing how similar all our stories are, ive been lurking here for about a year now, when I feel down mostly from being "Hungover" the self loathing dragging along beside me, I come and read all the posts and I dont feel so alone, But it wasnt untill today that I decided to register, waking up with yet another horrable hangover a painful one, I was lieing here in my bed Crying...pleating out loud, God Help me !!! PLEASE I need Help !! woundering woundering ? Who can I Call ??? I cant take this pain any more!! Theres No one to call !! Show a sign of weakness? How dare you !! My mind is so foggy and starts to think of suicide, Ohhh God !! Come on now thats just down rite STUPID stop it!! Just lay here you'll be Fine, like ive told myself a million times before. So I grab my laptop to see if theres ne mail for me today, Nothing but Junk as usual, So then I logged on here and im so glad I did, I started to read all the stories and became so engulfed that I had forgotten about all my pain, Then I read something Carrie61, I think her name was, she writes.... That she could find a drink on the Moon :H LMAO OMG it just hit me so hard, I could just picture her face saying it and I Laffed out loud so hard for the first time in a very Loooong time, So Thank You Carrie, That gave me the strength to get my Ass out of bed at 2:30 in the afternoon and take a shower and pull it togather!! My life has been very sad for a while now, My Husband lost his 6figure job 7 months ago and was out of work for almost 6 months, its been really hard, we were lucky enough to have a saveings that kept us alive, and thankfully hes back to work now, But we still have the same Bills we had when he was makein the big bucks but not the $ to cover them now..., I didnt have to work, I had a small business with a friend 2 years ago but we had a fallin out and I left and since then I would just occupy my time "Shopping" being the Family matriarch takeing care of EVERYONE if there was a prob. I was the first one they would call, and always at the ready to Help in ne way I can, No problem, having expensive dinner parties with LOTS to Drink of course, mostly good wine was my choice, KJ Simi ya know the $30 a bottle wine, and there was always plenty of it to go around!! Vacation trips sponsored by us ect... I could go on and on But ya know the really sad thing now.... I look around and theres NO one here now, No one calls no one comes over no more emails, at first I would get calls and emails every day seeing how I was if everything is ok, But now im all alone, and we know what that does dont we!!! yep ive been stuck in my house ( They took my beautiful truck) and my new best friend is a bottle of Brandy and cheep beer, I drank alot B4 all this happened, But of course NO one knew, it wasnt a problem, "only to me" and I could cover it up really well, Just put on a smily face YOUR FINE, all the while DIEING inside, But now I have come to the end of the road, when The hangovers are to much to bare that it hurts and I cry and the Lonelyness is pushing me over the eadge from being stuck in my house for months alone, its just so very heartbreaking that no one cares about me and the summer has come and gone and Not one person remembered to call me. Hurts!!! and im Killing myself over it !! and I have to STOP!!& LOVE MYSELF Again.. Ive always been a very strong woman, my husband always says your the strongest woman I ever met," What has Happened to her" Where did so GO???? shes slowly dieing giveing her life over to the BOOZZZZ????? how weak how Pathetic is that ???? its Awful !! its an awful DEMON!!! Im gonna try my hardest to stop' get all the Vitamins ect... ive been drinkin a real long time im 48 years old, its time to stop and get my life back!!! I know this was long but it feels good to be able to get it all out since if I TOLD anyone thay woud look at me me like I was NUTS and get over yourself and get a Grip, not knowing how much it hurts and how hard it really is to live like this day after miserable day !!! thank you all for listening, I look for ward to getting to know everyone and im just so thankful that this site exists and we have a safe place to lay our tired heads and find comfort :h
Thanks, Surrender
Thanks, Surrender
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