Advice Please??

[42cat]

Advice Please??

Hi Dizzle. I just wanted to add my best wishes to you and your family. Alcoholism is a lonely disease. I lied a lot. I felt shame and guilt every day... especially in the middle of the night when, as most alcoholics do, I woke up after the AL wore off and felt panic or anxiety .. and thought about life and what has become of mine .. and being afraid that I don't know how to get better .. but wanting to get better so much .. thinking about my kids, my marriage, my finances .. it can get overwhelming in the middle of the night sometimes - for anyone, alcoholic or not - when all you have is silence, darkness and your own thoughts... But, speaking for myself, the alcohol made things so many times worse to handle.

Funny thing about alcohol .. we use it to get rid of anxiety, depression, life's problems ... but it causes those same things in return. A viscious cycle.

My advice would be tough love. Support him, love him, but be strict about what you want for your marriage and your family. Ultimately it's his choice; his life ... but let him know the consequences of those choices .. and how it will affect your marriage and your family life. (I.e., if he continues to drink, he's risking separation, divorce, not seeing his kids, etc.) .... Counselling of some sort might be a good idea as well .. (marriage counselling or other helpful therapy, either together or separately).

And, yes, please check out the message board for family members affected by drinking.

((hugs)) and best wishes to you.

.... Amelia, thank you for sharing that link. I have copied it and saved it.

[dizzle]

Advice Please??

Thanks so much for advice!!!

Thank you all so much for taking the time to talk to me! It explains an awful lot about his behavior. I thing MWO will do him the world of good to have others who know and understand EXACTLY how he is feeling! I am so grateful for your support.

[lukalee]

Advice Please??

You might want to also check out Rational Recovery. It basically follows Allen Carr's approach, and it has suggestions for family members.

[fiddy]

Advice Please??

:goodjob:

Boss.man;682595 wrote: Dizzle I'd like to share what I've learned.

Drinking most impacts our primitive brain. It makes it feel good. This part of the brain can't speak, or apply any logic. The part of our brain that speaks and listens to reason is newer and is mostly put to sleep by alcohol.

So for all of us, our own brains lie to us. The "morality" of our lizard brain has mostly to do with getting enough food, sleep and procreating. Sometimes, this morality is at odds with what our logical brain is thinking. So at the heart of it, the parts of our brains lie to each other.

I'm not here to defend anyone. It is our role in society to act as a whole person, and to take responsibility for our own actions in a whole sense. My point is simply that to engage the primitive brain takes more than just words. It takes many approaches. If it was easy, this web site would not exist. You can't apply logic to a place logic won't "stick".

I wish you luck, and please take care of yourself.

[fiddy]

Advice Please??

very informative.i think it's easier to handle a problem which we can understand