So where do all the AF people hang-out?

[TranqWilly]

Hi. I've been hanging around this site and managed to get to day 16 af. In considering what happens next, this question came to mind. Most of the advice here says to not hang-out in bars, or with friends who drink. It's kind of significant to abandon people I care about, but taking advice at face-value would lead me to believe that I'll need to become a hermit or something.

I've realized that I have no idea where to go to meet others and make new friends, have fun and relax. AA meetings don't seem right to me -- no offense of course, just saying. I'm not really a church-goer, so hanging-out there seems out of the question.

Perhaps I'm asking too much; or perhaps I'm a little jaded about the promise of a good af life, but am having some trouble seeing it materialize.

Where does everyone else go to expand their social horizons?

Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

[startingover]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

Hi Tranqwilly. That is a very good question. For me, I also lost my job earlier this year and I have been feeling a bit islolated on the social front. I have started a volunteering job which will get me out and about plus learning some new skills and meeting different people. I have also started swimming and running again. I am also going to study again at night school. At this stage (a year sober) I am very comfortable going to bars or parties and having a good time without alcohol. It has been a big adjustment though. But I am absolutely sure I wouldnt want to go back to how I was before.
Very well done on 16 days, that is a fabulous start.

[OverIt2007]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

Hey Willy,

I agree, I think this is a great question. One thing I have dabbled in at times is called MeetUp.com This is purely just suggestion, just throwing some stuff out at you. Its a social network that breaks down into any interests you may have, and in my area, people actually do "meet up" for social gatherings. Almost anything under the sun as far as interests are on there. My friend mets her photo club on Wednesdays she met on there.

Heck, just thinking of some ideas for you! I meet up with a single parents group. We have fun bringing our kids!

Hope you find some more ideas Willy!

Overit

[DeeBee]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

Good question.

I have met some lovely ladies at Yoga. I also signed up for the screening of Eckhard Tolles new book which ran over 10 weeks and got to know some lovely people who have similar interests to me.

[Seen the light!]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

Hi Tranqwilly

This is a good point to bring up I drink mostly at weekends and often wondered what my life would end up like if I stayed AF forever. Its such a big habit to lose isn't it and the thought of what is going to replace it is scary!!

I am yet to make it through a weekend (apart from one) without drinking so well done to you on your 16 days. If we just keep busy in the early days I'm sure other interests will become apparent and as starting over says eventually it is ok to go in a bar or be around people drinking and feel comfortable. This was one of my biggest fears - to never be able to enjoy a social occasion again so its nice to hear someone who has been through it and come through the other side!!

I wish you well
xxxxx

[JackieClaire]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

Hi Tranqwilly,
Only bit of advice I can give after 31 days. Now I'm up and about. Me and the hubs have been to a few drinking gatherings.
Plan an escape route.
i.e. We've got to get back for the dog, I'm coming down with swine flu, I forgot to feed the fish the list is endless.
I'm not trying to be flippant but it's worked for me.
JackieClaire

[Lavande]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

Hi Tranqwilly,

I have adopted a new attitude. 'I don't care what's in your glass because you really don't care what's in my glass'!!!!!!!!
I say learn to assign less importance to what you are drinking and focus on the company, the conversation, the surroundings etc. I have found that people are just too busy worrying about themselves to notice or care about the contents of your glass.
This attitude has worked well while at family gatherings, out to dinner with friends, etc.

Plus, I've come to realize that I am just WAY to old to feel pressured by what anyone else thinks. What you think is really the only important thing

[OverIt2007]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

Hey Willy,

Just wanted to add in my two cents worth again this morning. I believe once you got some long term sober time in you, your confidence would grow so huge that Lavande's attitude would be yours too.

I think in time, you could go anywhere, even with drinking friends and not drink. It may take some time, but you could get there.

[Lavande]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

You know what OverIt,

I am starting to sound like a crusty old fart but that's OK with me
It does take time to build up some confidence in yourself but once you do everything just gets a bit easier!!

[Popeye]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

I was reading through the posts and thinking of a response and Lavdne and Overit said it perfectly.

[IAD]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

Traq.....Let's see...you could hang out at a Monestry or Convent! ha! Hang out where ever you comfy......Just don't drink. Your suppose to go out in the world and be free.....IAD

[TranqWilly]

So where do all the AF people hang-out?

Woah. Guess I can't wait 'til I'm a crusty old fart too! ;}

I guess it's a common theme that I've read here -- be patient and let things unfold. However, I wasn't thinking so much about hanging-out in bars again, as much as I was curious whether there are real alternatives. I'm reading that's not the case, at least in a sense where people gather to have af fun and socialize. Kind of what I expected but thought I'd seek the advice of those wiser than I at the moment. I do have some good suggestions going forward. I really have no problems keeping busy, I have a ton of hobbies and interests -- but it's the unwinding time, and the need to socialize that's more problematic for me.

I do understand that getting some more af experience, and with it more self-confidence, will help with the social aspects and self-conscious part of not partaking.

Thanks all.