Shame on me!!

[MamaZum]

Hi all!

MamaZ reporting in once again!

I hope i can get a grip on my AL addiction. PLS.... do not think I have abandoned you!.
I am sooooooo messed up. Wonderful hubby, 3 great smart , cute kids, age 43 , yet drinking myself to Death. i tried sooooooo hard to stay AF, but it always lasts at most 48 hrs.

PLS HELP!!!

Luv MamaZ

[Gold]

Shame on me!!

Gosh, that sounds so familiar MamaZum, thinking back I felt I didn't deserve the things I had and also that I wasn't able to cope alone with a lot of other things that were happening.

I certainly know that awful feeling when you intend to stop and then get no further than one or two days. Please don't be hard on yourself, it really doesn't help.

Since coming to this site which I came across by accident I felt relieved of the guilt and shame which had been dogging me. Finding others in the same boat was a huge relief.

Then for some reason I decided to stop for myself rather than anyone else or any other reason. I really feel this has been the difference to all the other times including taking Kudzu, L-glut, reading the book along with the mountain of other books that I have also read! And so importantly, the support of people here and being able to reach out to others.

Today is day 14 for me AF after an initial 3 days and then a slip of 1 day. That slip was the most awful ever for the way it made me feel.

You can do this, and you can feel better about yourself. And you can get beyond 48 hours as I and many others have done.

[Zeppie2]

Shame on me!!

Hi MamaZ - a lot of us are in the same boat as you. I guess we are just different to many others - I don't know what it is that makes us different from the guys that look in their fridge and think "sweet I've got 10 beers left - that's enough for the weekend" when we think "feck I've got 10 beers left what will I do tomorrow morning?????"

I guess the important thing is you know you want to change your way of life and that is a great start.

Keep with the site - I joined up a year ago and went 90 days AF - then got all smart and thought I could go it alone and even have a few drinks, - WRONG - I fell back into my old ways thus am starting all over again - this site is a godsend and if you stick with us and let us know when you are feeling vulnerable - the great thing about having people from all over the world is someone is usually up when you need to talk.
Take Care

[startingover]

Shame on me!!

Hi MamaZum,

Welcome back!
I like the others find this site invaluable for keeping me on the straight and narrow. There are always kind words of support and advice to be had and here I have never felt judged.
Do you have any of the supplements to help with cravings?
Stick around and know that you are not alone in this battle

[choppersmom]

Shame on me!!

Mama Z....welcome back hon :l It is good to see you posting again. I am here for you as always. You have all my support and friendship to help you through this. Keep posting and let us help you. Lots of love, strength and good thoughts are coming your way! :l:h

[MamaZum]

Shame on me!!

Choppie....it feels good talking to you again, I was never away from this site, just not in a mood for posting.

Opal and Startie...thank you. I have the L-Glut and Milk Thistle, I do not think it helps me too much. I do not have the book to reread anymore, after reading it I mailed it to one member of the MWO community. I hope she is OK because I haven't seen her here since then.

Zeppie, the "feck - 10 beer fridge" is sadly very true for me. The beers were there last night!

And, GOLD....exactly same feelings. I think I do not deserve the family and life I have.
But I know I am trying really hard this time and hopefuly it will get me where I want to be.
Congrats on 14 days!!! AWESOME!!

I hope you all are going to have a great weekend.
We are going away for the weekend, and if the weather is nice, we might stay till Monday. There is no internet, so please do not think that I disappeared again. I will probably be able to read the posts from my phone and try to keep up on the DrinkTracker, but posting from my phone is too difficult for my old eyes.

Again, thank you all and have a fantastic weekend!

MamaZ

[Elpis]

Shame on me!!

Hi MamaZ,

I know the feeling: try-fail-try-fail-try-fail... the never ending loop.

But I have found new strength here. I am not ashamed (well not as much). There are people all over the world that suffer the EXACT SAME thing that we suffer. And now I know for sure that this is a disease. It took this place to convince me. Not because someone told me, but because I know enough abut research to know this isn’t happening by chance.

Take courage and keep us posted – AF or not.

[Cinders]

Shame on me!!

MamaZum,

:welcome: back and just keep trying. We all know the loop Elpis talks about, try - fail - try - fail. Well, at some point you jump out of the loop. Just make sure it is on the try side and NOT the fail side. I am glad you are back and with new resolve.

Zeppie,

You made me get coffee all over my keyboard. :H:H:H

I guess we are just different to many others - I don't know what it is that makes us different from the guys that look in their fridge and think "sweet I've got 10 beers left - that's enough for the weekend" when we think "feck I've got 10 beers left what will I do tomorrow morning?????"

It describes us perfectly!!

Love,
Cindi

[mica]

Shame on me!!

Hi, MamaZum,
I want you to know that all the time you were gone (or lurking, like I did, a LOT), I kept an eye on your drinkTracker, and knew that you were struggling like I was. I was sending you strong thoughts and prayers, and thinking about you a great deal. The simple fact that you kept posting on drinkTracker told me that you were still here in spirit. I am glad you are back. I believe that here, at least, no one is expecting anything from us except to want to quit drinking (or get it under control) and to want to be healthy. If we keep reading and posting, it seems that we all come home to roost, eventually. You are worthy of your very best effort. Don't beat yourself up if you slip. Just try again. You have a very warm place in my heart. Good luck, my friend. :l

[choppersmom]

Shame on me!!

Mama, you have a great weekend away. You can do this my friend. It is sooo good to be talking to you again. I can understand the lurking and not posting, I have done it and I am sure many others. PM me any time or just keep posting. Onward and upward my friend! Check in if you can, if not, I look forward to seeing you when you get back!!! Big Hugs!!!

[MamaZum]

Shame on me!!

I miss u all. Please keep fighting that idiot AL! from my phone. Hugs and the best to you all. Be back on tuesday.

[MamaZum]

Shame on me!!

I failed again last nt. I'm so sorry. Can't wait for tuesday to tell u more. Keep strong! MZ

[choppersmom]

Shame on me!!

Mama, don't be too hard on yourself. Get right back up and start again. Can't wait to have you back on Tuesday. We will all be here lending a hand and tons of support. Take care my friend.:l

[sparkleAZ]

Shame on me!!

MamaZum,
I am glad that I am not alone. Since I found this site in August I have done my best to be AF but the longest I have gone is 4 days. It was really getting me down but I realized that counting my drinks has really helped me. I have counted my AF days and there were 13 of them for the past 30 days. That is HUGE for me. Then I counted that with those 13 days I had another 5 with 2 or less drinks which made 18 sober days. Talk about baby steps! Who cares as long as we are trying, fail a little try a little harder, fail, try. Just let's keep on trying!