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    #1

    If only

    If only I wasn't an alcoholic and could drink responsibly like other people, if only I could have self-control, if only I didn't have a craving for "a nice glass of cold white wine", if only it stopped at the one or two glasses, if only I wasn't fearful drinking again (however, my sane mind needs to be fearful of drinking again, it's the insanity speaking to me).

    Still enough of the self-pity, I have been AF now for 11 days (in the 11th day) and feel great, things haved certainly improved on all fronts since my last disgraceful binge on Thursday, 30th July, 2009, why then can't I get the thought of "a nice glass of wine" out of my head (not that it would stop at one glass, two glasses, three glasses etc. of course)? I am not going to give in, there is too much at stake, I just want this fixation to go away and leave me alone.

    I am seeing my sponsor tomorrow night and attending an AA meeting with her on Wednesday, with hopefully my attending another one or two meetings this week, clearly I need to. However, I see this as a stage in my recovery which is to be expected, one which I have to battle through, with the help of all you good people of course.

    Just thought I would share my feelings with you.

    Stay well
    Tags: None
    #2
    If only

    If only I could eat whatever I wanted, and not gain weight.
    If only I could win the lottery and didn't have to work.
    If only my dog didn't poop so much!
    sigh
    Sorry Afresh, we're alcoholics and that's life. We don't drink alcohol. And we are so much better for not drinking. :l
    Wally22:confusedmonkey::confusedmonkey::confusedmo nkey:
    If I don't want to brag but I can still wear the earings I wore in highschool
    November 2, 2012

    Comment

      #3
      If only

      :good job: well done on going 11 days af,I dont think people can shoulder this problem alone,you are into the company of others that have the same problem as yourself,and the growth that each of us needs to experience is tied closely to both the sufferings and the celebrations that come to us all


      :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

      Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
      I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

      This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

      Comment

        #4
        If only

        Hi Afresh. I'm a binger too. Thursday was my last binge, I'm on day four now and the thought of a good beer or glass of Pinot Noir sounds sooo good, like it would make the world complete. But we know that 6-8 beers (or 4-5 glass') later we'd just feel shameful and incomplete. I wake up proud every morning I wake up sober! But I don't know if I'll ever stop wanting and craving that drink either. I think it will come over time. My brother is 4 years sober and he never mentions it!

        I think sobriety can become our way of life just like drunkeness was our way of life.
        "Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must, just never stop moving forward!"

        Comment

          #5
          If only

          Thank you Wally22, you made me laugh and I certainly needed that reality check, you're a friend, appreciate your taking the time to reply to me.

          I see from your notation at the bottom of your post that we share the same AF start date, here's to many more.

          All the very best

          Afresh (as in a fresh start)

          Comment

            #6
            If only

            Afresh - Well done on your 11 days. Nice job. I also have the same thoughts as you're having. I think most of us do to some degree or another. While you fight your cravings away, maybe you can try to replace the craving thoughts with some other distractions or thing(s) to do ... go for a walk, bake a cake, read something, go for a drive, pick up some groceries, clean out a drawer, tidy a spot in your yard, clean out and wash the car, clean out a drawer, do a load of laundry, etc.

            The Toolbox thread in over in the Monthly Abstinence board is a good read.

            Keep up the fight. You're doing great!
            AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

            Comment

              #7
              If only

              Hello Mario and Trailrunner,

              You guys are absolutely right as indeed Wally22 is, I have gained strength and conviction from what you have all said and agree with your comments wholeheartedly, your quotations are inspirational and so true.

              Thanks for being there everyone, I feel so lucky to be a part of this community, with all you good people, given that you really understand the problem we are facing and battling together, I hope I can be as helpful to one and all as indeed you are being to me.

              Be happy

              Comment

                #8
                If only

                Thank you 42Cat,

                I take on board your comments, I have been busying myself quite well since I have stopped drinking, given that I have been of the right frame of mind, namely neither hung-over nor ashamed or guilt-ridden for my alcohol-induced madness, irresponsibility. I do have quite high standards for myself, whether drunk or sober, and If I don't meet them I feel very upset with myself. It's great to wake up in the morning with a clear head / conscience and the where with-how to forge ahead with the day.

                Thanks again

                Comment

                  #9
                  If only

                  Afresh, that was very good! But my thing is, If only I can break the cycle. This is VERY hard and you are not alone. Don't give in to this after 11 days. You are truly a champion!!

                  :wings:Love, Peace, and Happiness!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    If only

                    LMAO!!! Wally! You made me laugh and yet you said it all. "We're alcoholics and that's life."

                    Afresh-Congrats on your 11 days! Keep coming back and reading and posting. There are so many supportive people here. Best of all, everyone here understands how you feel.
                    AF since 7/26/2009




                    "There is nothing noble in being superior to other man. The true nobility is being superior to your previous self."--Hindu proverb.

                    "Sobriety isn't a landing but rather a journey." anonymous

                    Comment

                      #11
                      If only

                      Well done Afresh, you, me and everyone here can beat this addiction as long as we stay focused. I also go to AA meetings and get so much support, as time goes on it certainly does get better.
                      .

                      Comment

                        #12
                        If only

                        If only there were a place to get help, where people really cared...

                        Good news!
                        There is -- you're in a good place here!

                        Congrats on 11 days!!! Keep 'em coming!
                        Nobody asked for this; we're just stuck cleaning up the mess. -

                        Comment

                          #13
                          If only

                          Hi Afresh,

                          You are doing great, congrats! It does feel good, doesn't it?

                          I have to be honest with you. The longer I'm AF, the less I even think about having that glass of cold white wine! Somewhere along the line, I think it was about the 30 day mark, I just decided to assign less importance to the question if I was ever going to drink again. My feeling better, thinking & looking better became much more important. See how you feel in another 2 weeks or so, you may be surprised!

                          Wishing you the best.
                          Lav
                          AF since 03/26/09
                          NF since 05/19/09
                          Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                          Comment

                            #14
                            If only

                            This is a natural feeling in the beginning - the feeling of deprivation but that's just the AL telling you that you are missing out on something - when we all know the reality for us (and many others) is quite the opposite. That feeling of deprivation will fade over time and you will eventually see it as just a liquid that does not enhance your life in any way. Check out the toolbox thread for help with changing your attitude from deprivation mode to gratitude mode.
                            M

                            Comment

                              #15
                              If only

                              Hi Afresh,
                              You are doing really well!! I am only just past my 3 week mark so things are relatively new for me too. My attitude to booze changed when I truely acknowledged that when I thought about having just one glass of 'nice' wine, my next automatic thought (and vision) was how much and how quickly I could drink the 'rest'. So, I accepted that for me, drinking isn't an option.
                              It has made things easier.
                              If you can find a way to view that wine as a 'nasty' glass of wine, because of where it will lead you....it will help.
                              Amelia
                              Amelia

                              Sober since 30/06/10

                              Comment

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