Starting again

[Trailrunner]

Well, I went 8 days AF and thought I would try moderating with a beer or two. I had no satisfaction from it. In fact I just felt guilty, tired, bloated, and disappointed. Like when you were a kid and you saved up money but spent it all on candy, ate the candy, then felt sick and broke.

So I'm starting again at DAY 0 and have a new resolve about what drinking means to me. It's just not enjoyable anymore. In fact, the alcohol in the beer tasted bad.

I have friends who have had only 1 or 2 beers in their life, and it means nothing to them, to drink, or not to drink. Why would one enjoy a dinner, conversation, event, or quite evening any more or less by drinking anything? Soda, water, koolade, juice, beer, or wine or mixed drink. It's either all about the buzz, or it's not. Because last night the Diet Dr. Pepper I drank tasted a hell of alot better than the beer. And I wasn't relaxed by it.

So, today is day 1 again, but falling down teaches us where to watch our step.

[paula]

Starting again

Hi trailrunner, I could never moderate, well not for long anyway. Good for you for accepting the way you are. Good luck with day one, again but don't discount the eight days abstinence that you achieved.

[patricia]

Starting again

Hi Trailrunner

You did well though! Know exactly how you feel - although we feel bad, guilty, depressed, bloated, anxious when we drink we still want to be able to drink! Cinders posted a great reply on Friday's ODAT - its helped me get to day 2 (again). Just keep on trying . . . . . you are in the best place to get some really support.

Px

[openheart]

Starting again

Nice job, Trail--8 days AF--how cool is that?!! I am on day 5 and came to the site today because I have been thinking--I've done so great--I can celebrate! Reading your post reminded me how much I don't like the taste of alcohol, and after I haven't had it, I *really* don't like it. And how it makes it "all about the buzz"...or not.

I find when I think about drinking I get almost giddy about it. It consumes so much of my thought and focus and then I choose not to *really* engage in life because of this focus on drinking. How many conversations/relationships/activities have I avoided because I wanted to go have my wine? Too many, IK.

But I yearn for that relaxed feeling of "no cares". Do people who don't drink get that relaxed feeling, too?

Wondering if doing an overall count over a period of 30 days of AF, rather than days in a row AF would be more encouraging. Something about having to go back to "0" would be so disheartening for me if/when I slip up. But the days in a row are pretty amazing when I think about having rarely gone that many days w/o.

So glad you posted this--it's so clear you are going in the positive direction and it has helped me, too. :thanks:

[Mstall]

Starting again

Hi Trailrunner!

Thank you for posting. I think the trying of 2 beers got your head back on straight and it helped me a lot reading about it. It's just not as good as it sounds and I know for me, I would have not stopped at 2.

[sosad61]

Starting again

paula;694010 wrote: Good luck with day one, again but don't discount the eight days abstinence that you achieved.

Huge DITTO on that! Don't discount those eight AF days at all. And be proud of yourself for picking up a beer and not even liking the taste of it. It means you really have to resolve. :goodjob:

[finallymadeit2]

Starting again

Hi Trailrunner! I can so relate. I am on day 8 today..... the longest I've been AF since my pregnancies, and the urge is there. I feel like, hey, I made it through an entire week, I deserve a beer! But, I'm holding off.

I've fallen down quite a bit since joining this forum a few months ago. I actually "fell off the board" for awhile, too embarrassed to come back, but here I am again! Thanks for posting your experiences. I think we all become stronger with each other's support. You've motivated me to start posting again!

Good luck with day 1 again. You can do this..... if you made 8 days last time, maybe you'll make 9 next time, or even MORE!!!! :goodjob:

~Fin

[Elpis]

Starting again

Hey Trail,

Great job on the eight days! Even greater job trying again for 8 more!!!

E-

[alpenglow]

Starting again

Good for you trailrunner. 8 days is great. I made it one day, then had company come to visit for a few days and just couldn't (didn't) break the cycle of thinking that I need a few glasses of wine to be social. So I had my few and when they left I went back to my usual pattern of several drinks a day. I decided to order the book and cd's today for support. One day at a time for me, for now.

[Trailrunner]

Starting again

Thanks for all the support and positive feedback everyone! I'm on 3 days AF again and feeling good again. Even though I'm starting the count again, I'm glad I don't have to go through the cleansing process again (a couple of drinks didn't get my body used to the AL again). So, it's actually going easier than the first eight days.

Haven't had much time to get on the forum, but haven't thought about AL much anyhow, thank God. Been too busy. I've enjoyed reading about you all and our shared struggle. I'll try to be on in a few days.

[mario]

Starting again

In my personal opinion,For the majority of abusers of alcohol,moderation is an unrealistic goal and merly wishfull thinking.

[GunRunner]

Starting again

Hey Trailrunner. I saw your name and thought you might me a runner like me. I have always loved to run races, marathons, half-marathons and 10K's. Running always helped offset the al abuse in my life (in my mind anyway). Now I'm older and know better. The things you, and everyone in this forum say ring so true for me. I've quit drinking a thousand times, but know I think with the help of everyone here I can make it. I'm on day 2 myself.

[Gidget]

Starting again

but falling down teaches us where to watch our step.
Thanks for that quote, really works for me. Keep it up, the clarity and peace of mind truly does come and it is so so so much better than worrying if you are going to drink to much etc...

Open heart: Loved everything you wrote, really great post, related and learnt alot from it.

[lil.michelle]

Starting again

Hey,
well done for starting over again. Maybe keeping a diary of how you feel when you drink will help when you feel like drinking!
Good luck, you can do it!

[Trailrunner]

Starting again

Hey Gunrunner, yes I am a runner! An avid runner and cyclist. I like your username because I'm a Apache pilot, or "Gun Pilot", and we do "gun runs".

Running has really helped me with drinking because I don't think I would have noticed my drinking problem as early if it didn't affect my running. I love the adventure of running, but I use it to as therapy too, and as a reason that I can't drink. I ran a trail marathon in May and am going to do another in the spring. Looking forward to it. I'm 3 days AF! Here's to another day.