New and trying to decide

[livelife]

Hi all.

I've been through the decision to quit an addiction before as I quit smoking five years ago. Now I find myself with high blood pressure, depression, anxioty, and a boring life after 4pm, because I am sucking down vodka at the rate of a pint a night. So why am I having a hard time deciding to quit drinking? I know how to do this, so what is my problem?

I want to be able to drink, but not sit on the side line anymore. One of my concerns is that if I do get sober, will I be able to live with my spouse?

Lordie, I just need to focus, realize, and put my mind to it.

Thanks for listening.

[Lavande]

New and trying to decide

Hi livelife,

Welcome, glad you found us!
You sound like you may be looking for a little help in making your decision to quit drinking. I'll be glad to help if I can.
You stated that you have hypertension, depression & anxiety..........you can rid yourself of those 3 conditions by quitting now. I know this because I did. My B/P improved quickly and I am no longer anxious or depressed. I have supplemented with some herbal products that also helped me. I am no longer taking Rx antidepressants.
You also mentioned a concern about being able to live with your spouse once you are sober. Well, that was a huge concern for me as well. My spouse was (is) the biggest trigger for me. Being AF for nearly 5 months now has really opened my eyes to a lot of things regarding him, his behavior, etc. I am still learning but I can honestly say that I am tolerating his issues better with a clear focus. My drinking career went on for nearly 10 years before I put a stop to it. I have just decided that he is what he is, I cannot change him but I can change the way I react to him. He has come to realize that he really does have some serious issues although he hasn't done much about them. That's his choice I suppose.

Do a lot of reading through the threads, see what others are doing. You need to make a good plan for yourself. It's full of good ideas to help you make your plan. Please feel free to join us on the 'Newbies Nest' thread too here in the Just Starting Out section.

Wishing you the best
Lavande

[sosad61]

New and trying to decide

Lavande is correct, when you stop drinking, all of those will go away in time. You'll find a lot of fine people in these forums that will support you. You can do this. I'm on day 11 now and feel better than I've felt in years.

[openheart]

New and trying to decide

Dear Livelife,
How great that you posted--a wonderful step! My understanding of the human behaviors of change are as follows:
Step 1--Pre-recognition--that's where you don't think you have a problem and if you do it is somebody else's fault
Step 2--Recognition--where you see that you are the source of your issues
Step 3--Clarity--where light is shed on your challenges--the who, what, why, how and when of your issue
Step 4 --Hope--where you see that you can change; where you see other's have changed and you come to believe that you can, too.
Step 5 --Decision--whereby you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and you make a personal commitment to make a change
Step 6 --Action--you take action on your change and follow through with your plan
Step 7--Maintenance--on a daily basis you continue to support yourself in your changes--doing what you need to do on a regular basis.

Which stage do you see yourself in? I have found that other's could help me with stages 1 -4, but the Decision stage had to come from me. And there was no way around it.

I found this site a week ago and it has opened the door, and my heart, to the decision stage--which I was so scared I would never reach. There is a tremendous amount of clarity help and *especially* hope at MWO. Other's stories and posts have led me to ACTION--woot woot!

I encourage you to read and post and read and post and know that you are not alone. My heart is with you on this journey!:h

[Luvwins]

New and trying to decide

That darn vodka

Here's what vodka's been in my life. It's been a companion or maybe more like an illicit affair. It was initially a perceived escape from boredom and irritations in family life, then a deeply ingrained habit. I think there is a certain amount of grieving that has needed to happen to give it up. Then of course there is facing and accepting what I was escaping. The physical toll has been insidious for me - vague anxiety and fuzzy thinking - but mostly no screaming bad hangovers. Those might have made it easier to quit. I do totally regret the day I ever took up with vodka.
All the best making the change when you are ready for it. :welcome:

[Seacailin]

New and trying to decide

:welcome: LL
Great job on quitting smoking. I know that you can do this. We are here to help. I can totally relate to the "spouse" thing. When I sobered up, my spouse became addicted to painkillers and was trying to convince me to take them. Stay close by and let us know how we can be of help.:l

[Elpis]

New and trying to decide

Hi Livelife,

All I can say for my part is that alcohol never made anything better. Not my life, not my spouse, not my kids... nothing.

E-

[lil.michelle]

New and trying to decide

Hey.
Drink doesn't help anything. When i was a drinker i used to look at people and think, how the hell do you get through a night without drink, what do you do!?!?! The things is, it's njot just an addiction, it's also a habbit you need to break. So after 4pm, you need change your routine, maybe go for a walk, start going out to evening classes, meeting new people and start getting a new sober life. It will be hard but you can do it. I was tol it take 3 weeks to break a habbit before you start feeling even a little comfortable with you new situation. It can happen and will happen if yu want to be sober. You're depression will ease as drink is a depressant and makes you much worse, you anxiety will also ease if not go away. Hopefully, you're relationship with your partner will get better. Either way, you can't use drink to numb and hide your problems. You'll just make them worse and create new ones.
It's hard, that could be why you're thinking.. should i shouldn't i, it will make you see the truth which is another reason but it has to be done. The longer you hide behind drink, the more things will get worse and the harder you'll fall. You stand up, brush yourself off, get rid of the drink, stop going to places that sell drink and break the habit.
If i can do it, you can!

[Win_Niners]

New and trying to decide

New Member

I'm in the same boat. I've been enjoying drinking since high school. It's only recently that it hasn't become fun, but a bad habit. I just enlisted in an outpatient program at my HMO. The problem is I'm not sure I WANT to quit totally as all my friends, family and hubby are drinkers.

I can quit during the week if my husband keeps booze out of the house, but weekends are REALLY hard for me. We're used to ballgames, boating and bars. I feel like I'm bringing him down when try non-drinking events, and I'm not strong enough to attend drinking events yet (only sober 4 days - since Monday - like every week).

Just looking for support as it sounds like some of you are in my boat. Non-drinking fun weekend event ideas will help too!

Thanks!
:new:

[Muddle]

New and trying to decide

Qoute from lil.michelle "When i was a drinker i used to look at people and think, how the hell do you get through a night without drink, what do you do!?!?!"

Oh my gosh, how true. I used to think (and sometimes still do) the same thing. It's amazing how our thinking can get so twisted. With these kinds of thought patterns and beliefs, no wonder it is so hard to break out. But so many of you out there have done it! I'm on Day 3 and continuing to resist the little voice that says it would be so nice to relax with a glass of wine. But I am resisting, because I know it wouldn't end at one glass.

[savon19]

New and trying to decide

Hello Livelife - and welcome aboard!

I must say that you've gotten some Amazing suggestions/advice already! I especially liked Openheart's list of the process and totally agree that the most Important one, the DECISION, is one that can only be made by you.

You admitted how you drink a pint of vodka/night, but you didn't mention any of the negative things that have happened as a result. Surely, there must be a few! That's about how much I drank the other day, falling & injuring myself... But that's only one possible negative outcome. How about fighting, or how you feel the next day? Embarrassment, remorse, guilt -- or not remembering what you said?

Those are just a few negatives. Of course, I left off a big one: Health!

When I quit recently (and am quit again!), I noticed after only a few days how my general mood lifted - and I was in quite a depression! I also slowly regained some of my self-respect (only to sink again when I overdrank last Thurs.).

Now I have to start all over. And I'm sick of this merry-go-round. I want to LIVE - and Remember living.

Living - that you came here & posted is a good sign that you're ready to make a change. Many people come here for the first time debating whether to stop completely or moderate... And so many come to the conclusion that moderating isn't an option. Often it's suggested to go for 30 days AF, then make your decision about that.

But if you're like me, having that pint at your elbow means the Whole thing will be drunk!! :eeks:

[Muddle]

New and trying to decide

I'm on Day 4. I always quit with the goal of moderating before. This is the first time I've seriously considered abstinence as an option. That is what has helped me so much about this site. Without an ultimatum of never drinking again, we are all given the freedom to make our own journey.

[warrior22]

New and trying to decide

"Wouldn't End at One Glass"

Maisie,
You said "I'm on Day 3 and continuing to resist the little voice that says it would be so nice to relax with a glass of wine. But I am resisting, because I know it wouldn't end at one glass."

That's how I feel. It's always been that way for me. Once I have a glass or two, I get quite desperate for more, and start doing embarrassing things to get it (offering to mix the drinks for friends and secretly making mine a double or triple; "accidently" picking up a friend's glass which just happens to be fuller than mine was; asking my husband to get out of bed late at night to pick up another bottle of wine--I feel so ashamed when I do those things, but I do them anyway!).

I'm on Day 4 and not yet tempted. I'm enjoying the amazing freedom of not having to decide whether to have a drink, because I've already decided NOT to for at least 2 weeks. And I"m enjoying going to bed each night knowing (even if I have trouble sleeping) that I'll wake up with no hangover and having accomplished an important goal for the night. I'm thinking I'll try moderation at some point, but I"m afraid it "wouldn't end at one glass." I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now, I'm on the non-drinking route and loving it.

[brownedge girl]

New and trying to decide

help

i am new to this . i started drinking when i met my second husband. his family were heavy drinkers . sad, drink. happy, drink. problems, drink. so i kept up with them. i learned to rely on alcohol. so when things starting going wrong i drank. he left me i drank. he came back, we drank. he left me again i drank again. then everything went totally wrong. my son died. so now i drink. and i dont know how to stop.

[JackieClaire]

New and trying to decide

Welcome, livelife,Win-Niners and brownedge girl,
Good safe site you've found here.
Lots of advice. Lots of humour as well as heartbreak.
Keep reading the posts, get the feel of the site. And SHOUT if you need help.

Love and hugs.

Jackie x

AF (alcohol free since 7/7/2009)