Once of the reasons I drink is to mask the pain of lonliness I feel. I have never felt like I can make friends easily and that I am always on the outside looking in. Pretty sad for someone my age...I thought is was something that I would outgrow but the emptiness continues. I don't know what it is that seems to drive people away but it make me sad and very lonely. Maybe this has something to do with being and adult child of an alcohololic but I can't blame this on my parents. I am not a kids any more! I wonder if therapy would help of if this is a life sentence of lonliness. Can anyone relate? I have a great hubby and beautiful kids, I have a handful of close friend that love me but don't live near me but I always feel left out of the local mom's circut. Pathetic but true...it really bums me out as I've really tired to make new friends over the last three years.
I am going to a concert/party on Saturday that I am anxious about - lot of the "in crowd" will be there and I want to stay sober and keep from embarassing myself. I've been drinking at home to avoid this b/c I can really make an ass of myself, talk too much, sucking the air out of the room, etc. I know I will have a better time if I can stick to water. This was successful last time I went to a party a few weeks ago. I felt so good the next day and want to feel the same again. Here is to trying.
Thanks for letting me share. I am feeling a little better and am going to try to get some sleep - listen to my cds - and hopefully salvage the day that lies ahead.
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