I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

[xtexan]

:new:

First a little background. I started drinking when I was 16. Getting drunk every weekend. I went through a period during junior college when I was gettin drunk every night. Pretty much over the last 30 years, I realized I had an emotional dependence on alcohol. I wanted to just quit it, but never could summon up the stuff inside. I prayed and prayed for the power to quit drinking and smoking cigarettes, because they were eating a chunk of my life that I wanted back. I got to where I was only drinking on the weekends, but when I did, I got drunk. Then I started using hydrocodone and alcohol to kill just about all the pain.

I got real sick with pneumonia last December, and something finally clicked in me. I'm 50 years old, and I knew my life was in danger.

OK. That said, I have not had a drink since December 15th of last year. Its been almost nine months now. I started exercising, both lifting weights and doing cardio. My health is coming back slowly but surely. I quit smoking cigarettes December 22nd of last year also. Been chewing the nicorette pretty much steady since then. I've been using all sorts of supplements, such as vitamins and herbals, along with using detoxification supplements.

The main reason I am writing this, is that I feel like I am spinning in the wind out here by myself. I had to abandon all my co-workers and friends who mostly all drink and smoke a lot. My boss drinks hard everyday, and he seems to think I have betrayed him by doing what I did. He used to be my best drinking "buddy" when I was getting drunk every weekend. I have an excellent job as an Engineering Manager, and have worked at the same place for almost 20 years. I just can't be around people drinking and smoking right now, as I feel seeing them enjoy it as I used to, would be counter-productive in the extreme.

So I feel confident that I can continue on being sober, and I am determined to get stronger and healthier by the day. I did all this so far on my own. No help from anybody. Not looking for a shoulder to cry on or anything, but I'm going through a rough patch right now, and the temptation to go back to the poisons is pretty strong. My emotional state is pretty fragile right now.

Just wondering if there is someone here, that has gone this distance, and has hit a rough patch. What did you do, or do you have a similar experience and words of advice?

Thanks for reading.

[tawnyfrog]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

Hi xtexan :welcome:

Thanks for your story. We have quite a few long-term abstainers who I am sure will reply once they see your post. In the meantime, hang on in there - you've done so well for such a long time. It would be a real shame to blow all that hard work.
Tawny

[xtexan]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

Thanks for the reply, TawnyFrog.

I have patience, so not an emergency or anything like that.

Some more stuff to add. I also recently started listening to different self-help CD's. A program I am going through right now is called ,"The Psychology of High Self-Esteem". I'm looking for any way I can expand and grow right now that is beyond what I used to be.

I tried to relate my story to a couple of old friends from years ago, and they seem to think I have gone nuts. I realize I have made a 180 degree turn in my life, and maybe I am in a "gray" zone right now between the old me, and a new me. I guess thats what I am wondering about.

[lushy]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

I just want to say how incredibly impressed I am with you quitting not just alcohol but cigarettes as well. I completely understand not being able to or not wanting to hang out with your drinking buddies and perhaps you just need to mourn that loss. I hope another long-term abstainer has some good words of advice for you. I am a beginning moderator. My goal is to be like you, if that makes you feel any better. Welcome to our group..............

[xtexan]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

Thanks, lush (what a user name!)

It means a bunch just to have someone say that. I feel that maybe I could help others who feel just about hopeless as can be. Been there many times. I mean total, absolute, black hopelessness to ever get just a few days, or even weeks without the numbing juice.

I feel like I have some deep issues that need to be addressed first though. I do feel hopefull though, for the first time in my life, that they can be resolved now. I am willing to use just about every resource in the box at this point.

[Allie]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

Wow and welcome!
I am totally impressed. It seems like you would be feeling so much better every day physically without all that groggy junk in your system that the rewards would so outweigh that temptation to drink again. I have never gone that long, so I have no idea! I wish I had your willpower. I have cut way back, so I feel so much better, but stress sends me down that slippery slope too often still. Any tips for how you do it?

This is a great bunch here. Are you checking the Abs board? Lots of folks abstaining who post there daily and share their ups and downs. I am going for moderating pretty successfully now, but would love to eventually come to a place of sheer gut determination to stop completely.

Thanks for sharing and keep posting!

Allie

[xtexan]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

Thanks, Allie!

I can list a few "tools" I have in my "kit" right now.

Herbal calming supplements. Valerian Root, Kava-kava, 5-HTP, melatonin, and l-theanine. The l-theanine is some fantastic stuff to kill the heebie-jeebies.

Full spectrum of vitamins: Multi-vit, high dose B, C, magnesium, calcium, zinc.

Before I lift weights, I use 5 grams of l-glutamine and some creatine. I have increased my muscle mass quite a bit, and lost an equivalent weight of fat.

For detox, I take two tablespoons of metamucil fiber, and a tablespoon of bentonite. The bentonite absorbs toxic elements. I don't take this with other stuff, as it will absorb vitamins and herbals.

My exercise program is twice a week cardio, and twice a week weights. One the days between, I stretch using active isolated stretching. That helps a bunch with heebie-jeebies too. Hope to get into yoga soon, but still a lot of damage from booze, smokes, bad food, and being a couch potato for decades.

I've also been using a light/sound mind machine. I don't know if others here use that, but it forces the mind to synchronize to a far calmer state of brain waves. Sort of high tech meditation.

The exercise itself it a great reliever of stress, and I now find myself looking forward to a workout after my work day. I pass the "bar" where my boss and buddies are every day after work, and I have to think about how good my workout will be in relation to leaving that place with a snootfull.

I don't do anything on any regimented schedule, but try to balance and adjust what I will do or take on a daily basis. I am still trying to construct a new life here, and its like trying to fine tune some weird things that are new for me. Some days, I just rest and reflect.

So, maybe a few things from the above will give you an idea of just how serious and committed I am to becoming a new and better person. I have a long way to go, but if I can do it, I think almost anyone can. First thing, hardest thing, is believe in yourself.

[lushy]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

I have never even heard of l-theanine and I thought I was up on nutrition. From what I read it sounds great. I will check it out. Thanks for the tip.

[Bambino]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

hi Xtexan, and I don't even feel worthy of posting a reply, because you seem where you know EXACTLY where you are going, and appear to be doing it jolly well. I would like to know more about your supps knowledge . I get the heeby geebies and would be intersestedin learning more about L Theanine, also I get and nervous tension ( strung up really easily ) etc, so maybe you could help with that too.
You seem like a very strong lady, giving up booze and cigarettes. I hope to emulate you in in the future.
As far as Lush's name is concerned... When we were offline last night I was just havin a little surf around and I did snort with laughter, beacause Lush in England means, blooming, green, healthy, - as in lush green pastures... I stumbled across the american meaning hee hee hee - You'll always be blooming in my eyes sugarplum. xxxxx

[lushy]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

Lush also has that meaning here of being green and healthy but that is not the meaning I was going for. When I am on more steady ground I will change the meaning but keep the same name!!!

[xtexan]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

Bambino:

I have noticed that this board seems mostly of the female persuasion. I however, am of the other gender. Yep, I'm a guy. Straight to a fault too. Never married (probably due to my drinking), and almost every one of the relationships I have ever been in, has been with a woman who drank heavily. Our mutual drunkeness always seemed to be the main reason the relationship would fail.

I got to looking at the various forums dealing with drinking, and this one seemed to be more aligned with what I felt I needed to express. For a lot of reasons I won't go into, AA did not seem to be a viable option for me, ever. I really needed to work the thing out by myself, somehow, someway.

The combination of nutritional, physical, psychological, and other elements this site espoused seemed a more friendly and supportive environment. I also believe that certain individuals can moderate and control their drinking if they can determine an emotional balance in themselves. AA does not seem to have that idea as part of their philosophy. This forum seemed unique in its approach, so I decided to join here rather than elsewhere. I felt ready to explore a different avenue in my program. I hope being a guy does not make any ladies here uncomfortable.

I felt pretty good today. Part of it was getting a few things out in writing, in an open forum. I used to express myself openly to my drinking friends, but now I feel like I have to go in a different direction. BTW, I am a member of a couple of automotive and electronics forums on the internet, so this format is not totally alien to me.

As far as staying on an even keel, well, its a lot of work. Meditation and exercise had to become an essential, and not just an "add on" to my life. It had to become as natural as walking, eating, sleeping. Drinking to excess used to be "completely natural" to me. It seemed like I was meant to drink, and to drink heavily for the rest of my life. Its still not a totally comfortable thing to be healthy, and not intoxicated, and so its a hard job to convince myself that this is what a sober person does.

Right now. Friday evening. That used to be THE TIME for me to get ripped. A long work week done, and I deserved to obliterate my senses I thought. I deserved to rid myself of reason and memory. It was my "reward" to myself. Anything seem familiar there to anybody else? I've been around hard drinking people for a long, long time. So now, I am here, writing this, and planning to stretch, and do some light cardo later this evening.

Another supplement, some may find of a little use, is wild lettuce extract. It has a physical calming effect on the digestive system. It is also a mild analgesic. I used to use painkillers in combination with my booze, and built up quite a tolerance to those. The wild lettuce extract has a very mild opiate effect, without the opiates.

I take GABA, and see that its another supplement recommended by this site. I've known about it for years, in my earlier attempts at becoming sober or moderating my intake, but now its another part of the equation.

The light/sound mind machine is my version of the hypnotic therapy endorsed here. I have little bit of experience with their use, and a good session can leave you completely relaxed and loose. Relaxed and loose like a couple bottles of excellent cabernet while in the hot tub.

If you Google search for l-theanine, you can find a wealth of info on that supplement. My sister is the person that first told me about it for her PMS problems, but it has excellent emotional calming effects for just about any situation. You can also Google search for "light and sound machines" A great website I believe for these devices is "Tools for Wellness".

I will try to visit again soon. Thanks to you folks for the encouragement. It really helps to know that I have some admirers. You can do it too. I've been to the depths of hopelessness many times, and barely survived, but now the future seems like it may finally be worth it.

[CC Canadian]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

xtexan,

My congratulations on your success. Your accomplishment is truly something to be proud of. Actually, I should say accomplishments....alcohol and tobacco...a double whammy.

I started the My Way Out program a year ago this month after finally accepting the fact that my drinking was controlling my life. I knew I had a problem...had known for a long time, had even tried to stop unsuccessfully; but after taking a 10 day vacation at home drunk every day , I was unable to even think about going back to work

I desperately looked for help, found this site and really believed that the program could work for me. With determination and a positive attitute I started. The supplements the topamax the exercise.

Here it is, one year later, and I have my life back. My intent was never to abstain completely from drinking but I can honestly tell you I have had less than 8 drinks in this last year. I look good, I feel good, I've had a promotion at work, my family is amazed and the best part for me is that I never think about wine anymore. I could never pass a wine store without 'picking one up' or just having an exta on hand, Now, I never think about it. That's the best part of this. Feeling like a normal person.

But I am not kidding myself. I know my history and I know I must be on guard. We all must be on guard to achieve our success.

I think it's great that we can share our experiences in whatever approach we take to accomplish our goal.


Continued success to all of us

CC

[trishinnebraska]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

Thanks for your posts

Xtexan - I've enjoyed your posts very much. I love the idea of the supplements and nutrition as opposed to other methods. I tried the topramate for awhile and while it did work - it just made me so "dopey" I couldn't continue with it. I will be printing your posts to check into some of the things you are using. I use light therapy during the long fall and winter months here in the Midwest and it really helps. Hope you'll join us on the general discussion board with more of your good ideas. Thanks!

[cpn1004]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

Xtexan,
Welcome from another 50 something male. I have been lurking around this site for about a year. I have made some progress, but still binge too much. I am going for my first 30 AFD's this month. It is a struggle but worth it.
By the way, I am an engineer and live in Texas.
phil

[spaggs]

I've come this far. Need some advice I think.

hi extexan .did the same 30 years ago .not mixing in areas of temtation is the best move ,do not give a second thought to what other people think you are the one you have to think about now .your friends will be proud of you when they realize that your healh comes first ,you did what you had to do ,your life will change and new friends with it . a little tip dont get hungry. thristy .or tired .any one will leed you back the wrong way .drink water .tea coffe or any liquid when ever the temtation hits you but dont go back to the old liquid that you loved .you will never forget what it used to taste like.in time the wiipower kicks in and you wont look back .your heading the right way which is a credit to you stay strong contact me if you wish .spaggs . spaggs1942@hotmail.com the same one in msn or spaggs1942@uvtc.net.au also . spaggs in skype always here spaggs