I am a professional woman and my coworkers have no idea...I think I'm sneaky so my family won't know but I know my husband -(who is gone all week and drinks himself) is making an occasional comment about my drinking. I have 3 sons that are alcoholic's - their father drank himself to death at the age of 49. I have been remarried for 29 yrs and we have a 28 yr old daughter who does not drink. I have 6 beautiful grandchildren. I was not raised around drinking and only drank socially now and then over the years. At times when the boys were having issues I would not drink at all. Then about 2 or 3 years ago I started drinking more and more. I cannot believe something that for the most part I have detested over the years, due to the damage it has caused my family, now has ahold of me.
Over the years I have gone to counseling, read tons of books, articles, researched alcoholism on the internet....felt I have a good understanding of it....so I do understand in my logical brain how this has happened. I know all the ways to get help....but I am scared and don't want to go to the dr for medicine, as I don't want that in my medical records.
I want to live and see my grandchildren graduate, get married and have families - God willing but I know that my body cannot continue to tolerate this. I am afraid of the damage I may have already caused myself. I can't believe I am this old - 58 and have an alcohol problem. I am so tired of living the lies and the shame and guilt I lug around.
Any words of help or wisdom will be appreciated. So many say coming here has saved their lives...I need to save mine. Thank you.
Maybe if I keep coming here and reading and make a plan I can get past this.
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