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    I'm new and need help

    I have been reading posts here for several days and decided to take the plunge. Somehow alcohol has gotten ahold of me and I can't shake it. Out of 7 days/nights I drink at least 4 or 5 days, usually a bottle + of wine and some peppermint schnops. The usual pattern is I drink one night and then the next don't and swear I will never touch it again. Then the next day I drink again and sometimes I don't skip a day.

    I am a professional woman and my coworkers have no idea...I think I'm sneaky so my family won't know but I know my husband -(who is gone all week and drinks himself) is making an occasional comment about my drinking. I have 3 sons that are alcoholic's - their father drank himself to death at the age of 49. I have been remarried for 29 yrs and we have a 28 yr old daughter who does not drink. I have 6 beautiful grandchildren. I was not raised around drinking and only drank socially now and then over the years. At times when the boys were having issues I would not drink at all. Then about 2 or 3 years ago I started drinking more and more. I cannot believe something that for the most part I have detested over the years, due to the damage it has caused my family, now has ahold of me.

    Over the years I have gone to counseling, read tons of books, articles, researched alcoholism on the internet....felt I have a good understanding of it....so I do understand in my logical brain how this has happened. I know all the ways to get help....but I am scared and don't want to go to the dr for medicine, as I don't want that in my medical records.

    I want to live and see my grandchildren graduate, get married and have families - God willing but I know that my body cannot continue to tolerate this. I am afraid of the damage I may have already caused myself. I can't believe I am this old - 58 and have an alcohol problem. I am so tired of living the lies and the shame and guilt I lug around.

    Any words of help or wisdom will be appreciated. So many say coming here has saved their lives...I need to save mine. Thank you.

    Maybe if I keep coming here and reading and make a plan I can get past this.

    #2
    I'm new and need help

    Foxtrott... Welcome! :l

    You've taken an important step - Bravo.

    Yes, I, too, believe that site site, its members, and the MWO program save lives, in a very real sense.

    Have you ordered/downloaded/read the MWO book yet? It's an easy read and was quite an eye-opener for me. Also, you may head over to the Toolbox thread... so, SO many great ideas on how to cope with cravings, how to silence that internal argument - have a look! Also... why don't you come and join us in the Newbie's Nest? (Why do I suddenly feel like the Walmart greeter?) LOL

    The main thing is... you're not alone anymore. We're all here to help you along the way as best as we can and we want to see you succeed!
    Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

    Winning since October 24th, 2013

    Comment


      #3
      I'm new and need help

      Hello Foxtrott,

      Welcome, this is a good place. You'll find lots of people here with similar stories.
      I'm 55, just became a first time grandmother 9 months ago. That little guy is what made me finally jump on board and I'm so glad I did. Life has been so much better for me since going AF! We will help you succeed as well

      Wishing you the very best,
      Lavande
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

      Comment


        #4
        I'm new and need help

        You're here now and you will overcome this. The body has a marvellous ability to heal itself given the chance.

        It must have been very hard for you with your former husband and now your sons. Perhaps these last two or three years have been a coping mechanism for what has gone before.

        It certainly made all the difference to me coming here and knowing that I wasn't the only one. I cannot add to the advice sunshine has given other than if you really want to stop you can.

        The very best of luck to you.

        :welcome:
        I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you.

        Comment


          #5
          I'm new and need help

          Hi Foxtrott,

          I was you 17 days ago! We are all scared at the start. But you have come to the right place for love, support and advice when you need it. You are surrounded by friends that will help you. But you and only you can make the final decision to stop drinking. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
          Love,
          Sunbird xxx

          Comment


            #6
            I'm new and need help

            Yes, I believe it has been a coping mechanism....my youngest son - 35 had heart surgery in March to replace his aoritic valve and part of his aorta, after coming out of surgery he developed compartment syndrome in his arm - had to have emergency surgery and went into cardiac arrest.....the CS casued his kidneys to fail and he was on dialysis 3 wks but thankfully his kidney function returned...he had a trach for 4 wks and was in Intensive care for 5 wks.. For 5 wks everyday I drove round trip 70 miles a day, sometimes 2x at first plus wordek a full time job. He was very very sick and it drained me, his wife and our family emotionally. He swore he would never drink again. 5 wks after he got home he started drinking again....heavily. He had lost his job in Dec, his wife lost her job in Feb and he was going to loose his home and did not know if he would regain use of his arm....

            I felt like I had been punched in the stomach when I heard he started drinking again because 3 1/2 yrs before I went through a life and death orderal with my middle son.....I know I can't lay out a whole saga here, but I cannot grasp WHY I choose the one thing to use to help me cope, that almost killed them and still could and did kill their dad.

            Thank you all I need you.

            Comment


              #7
              I'm new and need help

              Fox, I'm soooo sorry to hear all the sadness and trauma you and your family have suffered. I'm so glad you got to us, this is a lifesaver! I'm glad you are going to join More2 and the rest of us in the Bible study too! I never thought AL would get me either. My Dad abused alcohol, my son is an alcoholic, tho doing much better, or so I think, my grandfather, Dad's dad, was a terrrible alcoholic, my step-grandmother, made him quit cold turkey at 50, and he lived AL free til he was 98. It can be done, I've seen it. I've been here 2 yrs, and I'm a tad behind More2 in success, but doing soooooo much better than the day I joined also. More2 and I talked day one that I joined, and are really good buddies now, we've met up in her casa, and talk weekly, and are taking a girls trip to our new casa in Colorado next month, I too have made such great friendships here! You know, lots of times, we fall into the traps we so hate, whether its gambling, over-eating, drinking....I think it really is heredity. The thing is, if you had diabetes, or asthma, we wouldn't be so hard on ourselves, this too is a disease! Your body will heal. If you need medication, there's many folks here that get what they need, without it being on your record, and can tell you how, what has worked for them. Most of us here, are professional, smart people, that have always been able to do whatever we put our minds to doing....EXCEPT BEAT AL! It's very frustrating, but it will get better! All of us are available to you, you can PM me anytime also! Where are you located if you don't mind saying? One of us may be near you, and would love to meet up if you'd like to. Just keep reading and posting here, take it moment by moment, you aren't in this boat alone, and we all have "been there, done that", trust us! Look forward to getting to know you, you look forward to being well, this is a great place to start! We've all had speed bumps in the road, you will too, but being able to talk about it, gather info., and have back-up is a great new step to take! I love the saying one of our members has voiced...."its easier to stop drinking, than to keep drinking", its really true, you feel soooo much better, not drinking, and you get more positive each and everytime you make the decision not to...and remember, a fall isn't a failure, unless you don't get back up! We all try to prop each other up! We are here for you too!
              "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"

              Comment


                #8
                I'm new and need help

                OH, and go to the chat anytime, you'll usually find someone there, its very helpful, you can post a new thread if you want someone to meet you there asap whenever you feel the need, or need to type and not use your hands to pour or drink! lol
                "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"

                Comment


                  #9
                  I'm new and need help

                  :welcome: foxtrott you are in a good place with great people. :welcome:


                  :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                  Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                  I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                  This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I'm new and need help

                    I feel so disappointed in myself - I drank last night. I am committed to overcoming this deamon. I know one of the ways that will help me, is coming here and being accountable to my new friends. I even considered lying acting like I hadn't drank and move on to day 3....but I know in my heart & soul the only way to overcome this is by being honest.

                    Maybe this isn't the right place to ask but has anyone had luck with Kudzu? I would like to take the Topiramate but have concerns about mixing it with my other meds....Zoloft, Nexium, Cadut, a water pill and potassium.

                    Thank you for listening....today is Day 1.
                    Fox

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I'm new and need help

                      I feel so disappointed in myself - I drank last night. I am committed to overcoming this deamon. I know one of the ways that will help me, is coming here and being accountable to my new friends. I even considered lying acting like I hadn't drank and move on to day 3....but I know in my heart & soul the only way to overcome this is by being honest.

                      Maybe this isn't the right place to ask but has anyone had luck with Kudzu? I would like to take the Topiramate but have concerns about mixing it with my other meds....Zoloft, Nexium, Cadut, a water pill and potassium.

                      Thank you for listening....today is Day 1.
                      Fox

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I'm new and need help

                        Hi Foxtrott,

                        When I first came here a mere month and six days ago, I was urged to make a plan, so I decided to try 30 AF days, downloaded the MWO book (I have read so many books about this -sigh-) and read through it. I decided that I did not want to take Topamax and fortunately I have not needed to. I have taken Kudzu and L-glutamine since I started here and they must be making a difference because I have tried so many times before and failed and now I am on day 34 AF.

                        The support here was a major contributor especially as finding so many other people in the same boat lifted the awful guilt and shame which I believe was preventing me from moving forward.

                        Just to let you know though, I did 3 AF days as soon as I joined and then for some totally inexpicable reason I drank on the 4th evening. I have never felt so bad as I after that and it really brought home to me how much I want to be free of alcohol. So, a slip is also progress in its way if it reinforces how much you want this.

                        So here's to a successful day 1 for you and many more to come :l
                        I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I'm new and need help

                          Hi Fox, don't feel disappointed just learn from your slip. I have had so many over the years. I'm in the same age group as you. I drank for years and then stopped for 6 years, and started again 3 years ago, after family problems. I go to AA meetings, I'm also taking campral and antabuse (only when I'm at risk of drinking.) I have now been sober for 8 weeks and really feeling well. If I can do it any one can. I did speak to my doctor who prescribed medication and also counselling. Stick around MWO you will find you get so much support.
                          Best of luck.
                          .

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I'm new and need help

                            hi foxy one,welcom as all have said,were all in a similar boat as you,in your 1st comment you said logical mind,someone once told me years of drinking even moderately is like falling down,,every time you get drunk its like running into a tree,so if you run into that tree long enuff the brain aint gonna work well,you said you read that is good,my gift to you,lots of material out there just have to read the rt stuff,Adult Children of Alcoholics,pik it up,oh ,i also have a 29 year old daughter she gave it to me,my turn to pass it on i do wish you and your family well gyco

                            Comment

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