why do you drink?

[Skittles]

I have been doing some soul searching here lately...........I have been asking myself how alcohol got to be this big problem in my life and I have tried to really get to the root of the problem, asking myself, "Why do I drink?"

I figure if I can honestly come up with the real reasons, maybe I can find a solution to all of this.

For me, I know that I have been drinking for the following reasons: to escape feelings of anxiety, boredom, and feeling alone. I am realizing that by continuing to drink for these reasons, I will only feel more alone, anxious, and bored. This is pretty insane behavior........

tonight I am going to make a list of all the OTHER things I could do in place of drinking to deal with those kinds of feelings...........which means I will sort of have a game plan to work with.

So..........how about everyone else? Why do YOU drink??????????? And most important, what are you going to do about it?

[brightlite]

why do you drink?

Those are exactly the same reasons..anxiety, boredom and lonliness.

I made a list once of the pros and cons of drinking. The cons far outweighed the pros. Then I made a list of the pros and cons of being AF. So many pros to being AF. It's a good exercise.

[warrior22]

why do you drink?

Great Question

Skittles,
I've been thinking about that very question. There were two times in my life where I began to drink daily and heavily, and then it became such a habit, lasting several years each time, that I found it nearly impossible to stop. I've stopped for now, thank god, and I've been trying to look back at my history and figure out what the things were that started me drinking like that . . . so that if those situations arise again, I can recognize them and try to find a different way to cope!

My first bout of heavy daily drinking began when I was 21. I had graduated from college and moved to a new city for my "dream" job, but I knew not a soul. In my new city I found myself unexpectedly lonely, depressed, and bored every evening after work. I began to drink to alleviate all those feelings--eventually drinking to oblivion every night. It became an ingrained habit, that even later, as I began to develop friendships and other interests, I continued my nightly solitary drinking. Why didn't I stop when my life began to improve? I don't really know. I knew it was a problem and I wanted to stop but somehow couldnt. Then I met my wonderful husband-to-be, and I spent so much happy time with him that it finally replaced the heavy drinking . . . for a few years.

Hubby and I drank a couple of times a week for the next few years, but I had things pretty well under control.

Second round of ridiculous, solitary, drinking to oblivion began after my 3rd child was born 12 years ago. A week after her birth, my husband took a job in a new city. I stayed behind with infant and 2 others (ages 3 and 5), trying to sell the house. We were actually selling a house we had only lived in for 4 months, so I didn't really know anyone in the neighborhood. My only family was hours away. So I was terribly lonley, bored, depressed . . . just like the first time I started the drinking routine! It was so terribly stressful for me (keeping house clean and leaving every couple of days on short notice so agent could show the house; not sleeping due to infant up all night, etc.) I was a screaming shrew to my older children, I'm sad to say. So I returned to my nightly heavy drinking (in fact, I stopped breast feeding after 6 weeks specifically so that I could drink more!!!).

We lived like that for 6 months. When the family got back together again, I just never stopped drinking!!!! Until 6 days ago . . .

So I understand why I started each time: lonely, bored, depressed leads to solitary heavy drinking. But why didn't I STOP when external things in my life improved? Maybe the answer is incredibly obvious: I LIKED it!! I LIKED the way I felt when I drank. For a long time I told myself there was nothing wrong with what I was doing. It was only after it became a habit of several years, and I drank more and more, and began to have trouble getting up in the morning due to hangovers and the dr said my liver enzymes were high that I coudlnt' deny it was a big problem for me. And then I felt like it was too late. I simply COULDN"T stop (I thought). Maybe I feared that my loneliness, boredom, and depression would return? Now I realize how crazy that is: I've only been AF a few days, but life is the OPPOSITE of boring, lonely, and depressing for me these days. So I still have to dig a little more to figure out why I did what I did . . . so hopefully I don't fall into the same trap again. I'm feelin very fragile, and that if I hit a rough patch in life again, I'll fall right back into the same pattern.

Whew! Long answer! But as I said, I've been thinking about this, and it feels good to actually "say" it.

[warrior22]

why do you drink?

Second Question

Skittles,
In my long-winded reply I never answered your second, more important question: What am I doing about it? So far here's what i'm doing: reading this board a lot for ideas and suggestions. Keeping liquor out of the house. Enlisting husband's aid in avoiding alcohol. Taking supplements, trying to exercise. But it just hit me that none of those things get to the core problem that started me drinking in the first place: loneliness, boredom, depression. Hmmmm. . . . . So what happens when the euphoric feeling of being AF wears off, and I face boredom, loneliness, and depression again? I WILL feel those things again sometime, and probably it won't be long! So what am I going to do? I don't actually know . . . So now you've give me something else to ponder. Any suggestions out there???

[golfpro]

why do you drink?

I could problaby publish a hugh best selling novel on why I drink and maybe a short story on what I have/ am doing about it. All I know right now is I have to quit. This website is a tremendous help and this past weekend was probably the first Fri./ Sat. night I have gone without a drink in a very long time. Thanks to everyone.

Mark, better known as golfpro

[Skittles]

why do you drink?

Warrior, I am pondering the same thing............I have come up with a few things. For instance, I feel bored alot so I need to combat that by trying to get involved in life. Maybe start going to church, take piano lessons, learn a foreign language, something to occupy my time................. I want to get fit so working out with goals could be another thing. Maybe buy myself a bike and start bike riding...........

The reason I feel lonely is because I have put on so much weight from all the drinking and vegging out that I will hardly do anything social unless I feel like its something I have to in order to avoid getting someone upset at me. (like the party the other night, I hadnt seen the girl in 20 years and couldnt say no). Its like I think I have all the answers, it is DOING the things I need to do. I have gotten stuck and I realize no one can get me unstuck but me. It is going to be WORK and I think i have come to the point where I am ready to change. I do not have medical insurance but I have decided I am going to pay out of my pocket to make at least one visit to a good psychiatrist.................Its time for me to take some action and I have realized unless I do, I will be sitting here more miserable than I already am 10 years from now, and I cannot stand the thought of that.

[TranqWilly]

why do you drink?

Hi. Great question Skittles.

First thing I'd say is that you're smart to go af before trying to answer this question. For a long time I thought the answer was the prerequisite to solving the problem -- it's not. But I have spent a fair amount of time thinking about this question (and many others in a way that really delayed taking action).

There seem to be lots of reasons for me to drink, and different ones every day it seems. But I think for me there are always two common themes -- escape and fear. I would need to escape to relax, escape from the pain that life can bring, escape from the dumb things I seem to get myself into (thanks Al). As for fear -- it really has to do with facing the things I escape from -- facing the pain, my shyness in social venues, fear of being bored or boring, fear of change, fear of having to do something for myself, or be something other than drunk.

So in a way, I think it all comes down to fear really, and perhaps that is what stands between me and happiness. I know that when I'm happy I'm nearly fearless; when I'm afraid to take chances and experience new things or try to do things for growth, I get stuck and unhappy. Fear feeds guilt and shame and fear of change keeps the cycle going. Yeah, depression too Warrior - but what comes first the depression or the Al-guilt-depression-do-it-again-syndrome? I don't know, but going af cleared-up a lot of depressive patterns for me.

I have also considered boredom in the past, and once stumbled on some definitions of boredom on the 'net somewhere. Here are some good ones:
- boredom ... arises when we must not do what we want to do, or must do what we do not want to do
- The inability to adequately organize one's time increases the likelihood of boredom
- Leo Tolstoy: Boredom: the desire for desires.
- Ellen Parr: The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

So perhaps boredom is a problem that needs to be solved by overcoming the fear of doing something meaningful (like posting thoughtful insights and encouragements on MWO). My life started to change a couple years ago when I finally realized that no one but ME is responsible for my happiness. Duh. I make the decisions about my life and what to do, so I really can't look outward to place blame can I?

Something I've just "learned" in 30 days af is that Al doesn't really make any situation better -- It "seems" like it holds a "promise" of better things, but that promise is never fulfilled, and things usually get worse.

Bright - I once made lists of pros and cons -- AF always wins; but it took a lot more than the list to get me to want to change. How I can just ignore the obvious, intelligent truth about all of this is really baffling. How can I fool myself? A fool fools himself?

I hope some of this makes sense, sorry for the ramble. Take care!
tw

[mario]

why do you drink?

At first it was the buzz,then the way it made me feel,then to relax but In hindsight,i drank to escape the reality of my life

[Lavande]

why do you drink?

Skittles,

You can make any changes you want! That's the blessing & the freedom of being AF!
This is your time now, make the best of it. Your list of boredom relievers sounds great - just do it

It's all yours for the taking!

[sparrow]

why do you drink?

Hi Skittles,

I drink because I feel like I need a reward at the end of the day. I havn't had a drink in 75 days but I am really starting to wish for one now.
I know tomorrow I'll be glad I didn't. So I'm just gonna have my tea and watch x-files reruns.
By the way I vote for piano lessons. I'm a pianist and playing is one of lifes greatest blessings. Get ready though it's alleast a five year project if you want to be any good, and you have to practice every day, or pretty much everyday, but it is worth it especially if you like a challenge.
Good Luck!!!You can do it!!

Sparrow

[Muddle]

why do you drink?

I love the taste.
There's something that makes me feel "grown up" and mature and more confident when I have glass in my hand.
I work hard and tell myself I deserve to relax.
I'm shy, and it helps me to talk and make easier conversation.
It makes me want to dance.

Skittles, what a great idea to make a list of AF ways to get these feelings!

[Determination]

why do you drink?

I drank to escape from the reality of a job that I dislike, but am trapped in because I am the primary supporter for the family.

I also drank to take the "edge" off when the kids were bickering like crazy.

I also used the excuse that I couldn't sleep unless I had been drinking.

Let's see - drank to relieve stress.

I am still struggling with the "stress" trigger, but I have realized how much better I feel AF than drinking - so I just need to come up with a plan on the stress. I have made a list that I keep by my side of all the good things of being AF, but when I am really stressed about work, I just can't seem to let them outweigh drinking.

[vlad]

why do you drink?

Oh, boredom, stress and if there's something coming up in the week that I don't really want to do.

[sunshine_gg]

why do you drink?

To 'enjoy' myself... somehow I manage to think of doing stuff (by myself... ALWAYS by myself) while drinking as FUN. That is, BEFORE I start drinking. Once I start, I run out quickly, do not get done what I've set out to do and end up 'laying down for a few minutes'.

I need no real REASON to drink, it seems. Happy, sad, stressed, relaxed... it really doesn't matter.

[paula]

why do you drink?

I drank simply because I could. I now do not drink because I choose not to. It has been a long hard lesson, many mistakes, much soul searching, but so worth the effort. I now feel liberated.
Good luck to everyone.