Need some advice

[golfpro]

I am in the middle of a divorce. I have step-son that is now 11(I missed his 11th birthday, not by my choice). I raised him as my child for about 3 years. I coached his little league team, took him to disney world and many other places, helped him with his homework every night, watched Hannah Montanna every night, etc. When my soon to be ex-wife said she was leaving I left the home for a weeek to allow her to pack her things without being in a uncomfortable situation. The only thing I said was take whatever you want, just allow me to see my step-son. I didn't think it would be the last time I saw my step-son. I have four bedrooms, family room, dining room, and a basement that are clompletely empty. That is fine I can replace property.

My question is I have been trying to see my step-son and she won't let me just out of spite. Should I let it go and move on or keeping pursuing a relationship with a kid I love as my own.

[Elpis]

Need some advice

Eleven is a tough age going on a tougher age. All things being equal - and they rarely are - I think you should try to see him. Of course mom has ultimate control.

E-

[greeneyes]

Need some advice

I don't know. I have no children. I just wanted you to know I hear you and I send positive energy to you and hope for a positive outcome for all. :l

[LilBit]

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How does your step-son feel about it? Has he expressed an interest to spend time with you to his mom?

(This is a tough situation, and i really feel for you!)

[golfpro]

Need some advice

I know he wants to see. We had a really thight bond. He is a strong kid and very resilliant so I am sure he will be fine. It is tough situation. I don't think step-parents get enough credit.

[Gold]

Need some advice

Do you have other children with your ex-wife? If you do I imagine that would at least make it easier to arrange visits with your stepson.

Does your stepson see his other father or are you his only father?

If alcohol was a major factor in your divorce perhaps your wife just need a little time to see you sober before trusting you alone with her child.

Perhaps you could take some legal advice so at least you would know where you stand.

I suggest keep trying and keep contact with him at birthdays and christmas with cards and presents, at least he will know that you care. If you ex-wife keeps those things from him then there is not much you can do about it, I hope she wouldn't as it isn't fair on him.

At least if you keep trying you are doing your best, and even if it is a long time before you see him again he and you will know you fought for him.

It must be heartbreaking for you, stay strong.

[mario]

Need some advice

hi golf pro as you are well aware divorce is a very sad and stressful time for everyone,people say and do spiteful things not all of them true,but the pressure had to be building for the last few months,i think maybe you should give it a little time to settle,has alcohol got anything to do with it,maybe your x does not trust you if your still drinking?.As i said it is a very stressful time for everybody concerned and let it lye for a while before making a very diplomatic approach and your sure that's what you and the child want to dowishing you the best.

[golfpro]

Need some advice

Gold - we do not have children together. We had a miscarriage after about 8 weeks. He does see his father about once a week. He and I get along great. He was not involved in son's life for the first 8 years. With my encourgement he developed a pretty good relationship with his son. He is a good guy, just made some bad choices in thr past.

[one2many]

Need some advice

Hi GolfPro,

I really feel for you in this situation, it sounds like you love the little guy a lot.

As you well know, during a divorce, feelings can run high, unfortunately bitterness and anger can set in especially in the early days. Let your ex and your stepson know gently that you are there for him and wish to see him..don't probe or try to make demands as that will only make her more determined. My guess is that the child will begin to pester her as time goes on to see you and that may be the reason she changes her mind. I am thinking things are still pretty much up in the air at the moment and tempers are fraught...as time goes on this will ease somewhat and your ex will realise that you are a positive influance in the little boys life.
Take it easy for now and as I said as long as she and the child know that you really want to see him and that you love him dearly.......hopefully she will see the light and change her mind.

Wishing you the very best of luck as this must really hurt....be strong and know that you were a great stepdad.

Please keep us updated.

[brightlite]

Need some advice

Sounds like you are a great Dad (Step-Dad). My advice is to leave it alone for awhile. The son will want to see you eventually and the Mom will give in. I think that is wonderful that you brought the real Dad around to being involved in his son's life. You have a good heart.

[savon19]

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Does she allow you to at least talk to him on phone? That way, you can at least keep some contact until you reach a resolution. She must know how much you love her son! Surely, she will not deprive her son of your love out of spite... forever?!

I agree with others who said to speak with a lawyer. A lot will give free consult - just to see what (if any) your rights are, or at least to give you some guidance on how to pursue this.

Also, this thought came to mind: What if you wrote (not email!) a letter to your ex-wife explaining how much you care about her son, and how you would like to continue the bond you have with him? We all need all the people we can get to love us!! And a young boy going through all this Especially needs to know he's important and loved.

Good luck with this, and I'm sorry about your divorce. It's very emotionally draining (even if it's Your idea - as it was in my case!).

[Gold]

Need some advice

golfpro;702576 wrote: Gold - we do not have children together. We had a miscarriage after about 8 weeks. He does see his father about once a week. He and I get along great. He was not involved in son's life for the first 8 years. With my encourgement he developed a pretty good relationship with his son. He is a good guy, just made some bad choices in thr past.

Sorry to hear about the miscarriage golfpro, that must have been very sad for you both.

Sounds as though you've been a wonderful influence in your stepson's life, especially bringing his father back into his life, and being so understanding of him. I hope your relationship with your stepson's father will at least allow you to have some ongoing insight into his life whilst things sort themselves out.

These things are so difficult.

[golfpro]

Need some advice

Thanks for all the advice. It is a pretty tough situation to be in. It has been over six months since we separated. I let it go and tried to let things cool down for the first 3 months. I have been asking to see him the past 3 months and she won't allow it. I don't know why and it makes no sense to me. Thanks again.

GP

[azmarktb68]

Need some advice

I raised 3 kids for 5 years and lost all 3 of them when my ex and I broke up. Very hard deal. Very hard. I wasn't allowed to see them, as in your case, out of spite. I had many, many dark days. Still do. My ex is now remarried. The ONLY good thing from this is she called me 2 months ago and said how good I was with the kids. After 4 years of breaking up, I JUST now hear this? doesn't matter. It still felt good. My advice? Move on. Learn from your situation and move on. Its her loss brother. Pray for the children and their mom.