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[queen of denial]

Today my husband asked me what day is this for you & AF?
I said 22.
He said wow you are doing so great, do you miss it. I was like F*** yes i do.
he laughed and said well since you seem to have so much discipline not drinking at all, why cant you just have one drink?
I looked at him and said I would give anything to be "normal" like you. I have tried to drink in moderation more times than you know.. I can do it for a short while, maybe 2-3 weeks then im back to every night ..i told him I have 1 i want 2 then more. I drink to get drunk/buzzed every time..THen i said if you want me to try again i can im really not ready to say i have a problem or im an alcoholic (DENIAL is a wonderful thing!)..
But he said NO im not saying that i want you to do what you think is best and i will support you either way. then he says it is obvious you have a problem ..he is trying to understand..
my dad and a sibling both have the disease of AL so i do have family history..the longest i have ever gone AF was 30 days and that was once to win a 100.00 bet from him..i won the cash and went back to AL..
so that made me wonder what would you guys have said to this same ? :thanks:

[sparrow]

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Hi Q',

I hear you, I'm the same way with drinking. I'm 77 days AF and afriad if I have a drink I'll want to have one every day too. You did the right thing. When I quit drinking I didn't say to much to hubby about the situation. About a month ago he quit too. It's definitly a big change for us. He says it doesn't bother him not to drink. I guess he's lucky. I have alot of Alcoholism in my family too. I just want too grow old gracefully.
I hope I can keep this up, I will today, tomorrow? I think so.
Just know that you are doing the right thing for yourself. Best wishes to you.

Sparrow

[adi]

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Hi Queeny,
I am the same too.
Keep it up, 22 is a grea achievemet.

Best wishes,
Andrew.

[Cathy40]

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Hi Queen. You did the right thing by explaining to him just where you are at with AL...in a different place to most people. He is trying to understand, and be grateful for that. It is something that most non alcoholics cannot comprehend! Appreciate his support. But DO NOT ever again let yourself into the place where you say "I can try (and have a drink) if you want me to" because you ARE in denial, and being in denial is one of your worst enemies. If you are really, truly, honestly attempting to break the addiction,you have[b] to accept that you cannot have even one more, not today anyway. Not to please anyone else either. You have done so well to go 22 days. Let tomorrow be your 23rd. Having done the 22 days, let nothing or no one stop you from achieving your goal....I will not drink today... you deserve it! Be glad you have someone to support you, but make him see that supporting you does not mean "one way or the other". There is only one way...no AL today. Ask him to help you to achieve that. If he supports you in any other way, he simply enables you to continue with your addiction, and that is not support. You might hate him for saying no, you cant have a drink today, but when he does, PLEASE try and accept that as true support. If he wants for you what you truly want for yourself, then he will be there for you, even when you rant and rave at him and tell him he doesnt understand etc etc. You are doing very very well Queen! Now you are living the life you deserve. Stay strong!:h:h:h:h

[golfpro]

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queen - I congradulate you on 22 days and keep it going. Remember for the most of us the first drink is the most detrimental. Just my friendly advice.

GP

[1967]

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i agree... day 22 is a good day so keep up the good work.
as you husband he shouldn't need to ask you this kind of question, in my opinion anyhow.
i don't get it?
maybe he's just being the devil's advocate for some unfathomable reason?
just ignore it and move on.

maybe he's averse to change?

[Elpis]

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I agree with at least one thing I heard at AA: One drink is too many and 1000 drinks are not enough.

E-

[boozehag]

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it is quite common for people who do not have a drinking problem to say things like that - you will probably get that a lot along the way. They just dont understand that our brains are different to their brains when AL is involved. If asked I often say the last time I "just had one drink" I ended up in the gutter with half my toe missing!
m