Asking for support

[redhibiscus]

Asking for support

I just woke up and feel so much better. At the wedding I followed the advice here and put off having a drink, put it off again and made it through. A drink with cranberry juice and seltzer water with lime was tasty and I looked like I had a drink. A friend came up to me and asked me what I was drinking. When I told her she gave me a weird look, then said she felt dizzy from the drinks she'd had and was going to have a coke. So, at that point I felt good that I wasn't drinking.

The thing that I noticed is that I had alot of fun. I laughed, joked, was clear headed throughout, and had no worries about making a fool out of myself due to alcohol. The truth is (and I need to constantly keep this in mind) I'm O.K. and better when I am sober. When drinking I become a person I don't know and don't like. I have never believed that the real person comes out when one drinks. I know the real me is not under the influence of alcohol - that is a person who is less intelligent, less considerate, sloppy, rude and uncomfortable to be around.

Today, I am going to work on my own tool box. One thing I am definitely going to complete is a note care stating the positives of being AF and on the other side the negative things that will occur is I drink. Then, if a craving hits and the insane thinking starts, I can work on changing my thoughts. I did this when I took a smoking cessation class and for me it helped. THanks to the individuals who responded to my request for support. I was so down yesterday. Today is day 2 AF!!!

[redhibiscus]

Asking for support

I know...I surprised myself! And I forgot to add that my husband was so happy that we were both nondrinkers.

[Montana]

Asking for support

Hibiscus, I'll support you

Hi Hibiscus! I related to your writings. I too feel very disgusted with myself. Every morning I wake up and am so full of remorse that I could fill a bucket with my chastisements against myself . I promise myself that this is it, I won't touch a drop of wine again. I'm fat and unhealthy - I want to start running my two miles againwith my dog. My head hurts, my stomach hurts. I'm disgusting and out of control! I'll read the Bible, I'll read books I've accululated on quiting - I can do it! I'm good until mid-afternoon and then I can't control the urge to just have a little wine for the very last time. How many times I've done this, I can't count. I don't know what to do anymore. I tried the med that was suggested here - topomax and it was a disaster with my brain. Just made me cry and tell everyone off and I made a general asshole of myself while on it. I've tried AA. What's left for me? I have a career that I love and live in an amazingly beautiful area of the country but I'm destroying myself with this poison. How can we help each other? I know we both want to get better.

[1967]

Asking for support

hi red!

so many of us have the same experience.... drink too much... stop...start... stop... really i think we just have to give ourselves lots of credit when we stop... and when 'it' happens again jump back on the wagon asap. it seems like it takes too much effort but, honestly, the damage alcohol does to one self esteem is so damaging we can't do anything else but to fight for ourselves.

and it is a fight.

my feeling is don't take the first sip and things are fine.
it's that first (harmless) sip that is many of our downfall and it's mine as well.

[cpn1004]

Asking for support

Hi Red and Welcome,
You can do this. It is a struggle but worth it. It truly is one day at a time.
Phil

[Skittles]

Asking for support

Good for you, way to go!

[Mags]

Asking for support

Red Hibiscus

As an old long time drinker, but happy to say many years sober, you just took a huge, huge step. Congratulations, my dear. You are on your way. Don't give up the fight. Wasn't it wonderful to be sober at that wedding? Absolutely wonderful. Bet you didn't know you could do it, but you could.

You will see more and more how much strength you have and how much better life is seen through sober eyes. Way to go!!

[redhibiscus]

Asking for support

Mags, you are right on about feeling strong. Sunday I enjoyed being off...took a walk, gardened, cooked for the week and enjoyed being with my husband. I really focused on being in the moment and beng grateful for all my blessings. He made a comment about, "we haven't fought at all today." I want a good quality of life and will continue to make each day count. YEsterday at work I had a great day and was able to get everything I needed to get done. If I am recovering from the weekend, that sure doesn't happen.

Montana, I guess we just cannot give up. Celebrate our AF days, focus on our successes and if we mess up, make it short. I am tired of failing every weekend. And this weekend is Labor Day and I am going to a cookout where there will be booze. So, I guess I will plan again like I did last weekend. Any suggestions?

DAY 4 AF.

[Bree]

Asking for support

Hi Redhibiscus, good on you for 4Days AF, that is a wonderful achievement, keep it going.:goodjob:

Montana, I know how you feel, it's a rollercoaster jouney, self-loathing, low esteem, depression...........etc. etc. I could go on. You have made the start, climbing on this wagon here with us, stay with us, and together we will all get through it.

My own tool box consists of;
posting here regularly,
trying out different juices, etc
imagining my 14 yr old daughters face if she saw me drinking again
my huband worrying about me
drinking non-al beer (not sure if this is advised???)
enjoying the freedom I haven't had for a long time
not having a hangover
not been a danger on the road
not making a fool of myself

Thats just a few of my tools, I could go on. Hope it's of some help to someone.

Bree:l

[spacebebe01]

Asking for support

i have been on a massive bender for the past 4 weeks after having 6 months AF. I feel so guilty whar i have done to my family. i intend to start trying naltrexone and really hope that will work for me. i was going to AA but hated it so have decided to leave so i hope to get support on here.