15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

[warrior22]

I've been 15 days AF . . . a record for me since the birth of my youngest 12 years ago! I never thought I'd be able to do this. In some ways, it's been easier than I expected--few withdrawal symptoms; I feel better than I have in a long time. The first week, I felt on top of the world! Originally I planned to go at least 30 days AF and then evaluate whether I wanted to continue AF or start to drink a little.

So the last couple of days have been getting harder. No physical craving, but gosh darn it, i just miss the lovely feeling of relaxing with a nice glass of wine! I've held off, but I'm beginning to think, "What's the harm in a little drink??"

Tonight my husband (who has been 28 days AF) wants to go out to dinner, and I know he plans to order wine. Fine for him, but I'm not sure about me. My fear is that my glass of wine will turn into 3, followed by a couple of vodka tonics when we got home, followed by a headache in the morning. I know if I asked him not to order wine, he wouldn't . . . but part of me WANTS to have the wine. So what to do?? Is there any reason why I shouldn't have a glass or two? I've poured out the vodka, so I couldn't have the after dinner cocktails at home.

I'm afraid I'm rationalizing things or in denial or all those other things "alcoholics" supposedly do. Heck, I'm not sure I'm even an alcoholic (or is that just denial again??). I'm confused about what's the right thing to do at this point. My planning never got much past "I've got to stop getting completely drunk every night." I've accomplished that, and now i'm not sure what's next.

Any thoughts?

[greeneyes]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

First off, congratulations on the 15 days! That is grand! I really admire people who can successfully mod. It amazes me. It seems like so much work. I'm not a wine conniseur so I would never miss that aspect of it. I'd enjoy it just because it was alcohol. So I can't mod. It would leave me miserable with the endless demanding whining chatter in my head of wanting more. But this isn't about me, this is about you. I'd say you've done quite a bit of work already over this decision. That make me think it's not your time yet. You are ready to drink it if he orders it and hope he will. Why is that? If you were ready to mod I'd think you could do it on your own and without all the fretting. You sound scared and rightly so. It's easy to slip back into old habits quickly. Viewing it as something deserved or something you are deprived of is dangerous. IMHO, have sparkling water and lime. You'll have just as much fun and feel better in the AM in many ways. Enjoy!

[warrior22]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

Greeneyes, great advice!

Thanks for the very wise and thoughtful response. I think you're absolutely right--it's been a long, hard struggle to get here (15 days!!!), and I should decide to have a drink again when and if I DECIDE I'm ready, not just because someone makes it easy and offers me a drink. You're comment "It would leave me miserable with the endless demanding whining chatter in my head of wanting more" rings so true, as well. I know that feeling so very well--it's what usually led to the after-dinner vodka tonics. So if I had a glass of wine at dinner, I expect I'd be miserable for the next 3 hours, wishing I could have another and another and another . . . OK, sparkling water with lime it is! :thanks:

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

Good decision Warrior, well done.

[puddytat]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

Wow, I remember, 10 yrs. ago, when I had 2 straight weeks of hard-won non-drinking.
Wish I would have kept it going... (hint: it gets harder each and every time -- also, magnified each time)

Um ... you certainly can try to mod, if you want.

But, speaking for myself, and if I could turn back time? Hon, I wish I wouldn't have drank.

[Lavande]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

Warrior,

The decision, of course, has to be yours!
But I have to agree with the others..........modding would be impossible for me, I don't even want to try. I just don't want to end up in the condition I was before or worse. The chatter is almost gone in my head now and I don't want ot back.
Wishing you the very best!
Lav

[JimBeam911]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

My advice is NOT to drink any alcohol. 15 days AF is an excellent achievement, so what would be the point having a drink? I say this so bluntly because I myself have given in after a similar number of AF days in the past, and I cannot honestly recall a single instance where my decision to drink wasn't met with instant regret the next day. I'm not sure how often you've been drinking in the past, but ask yourself whether you truly expect things to be much different after laying off the booze for 15 days? Like I said, 15 days is a great start, but in my opinion/experience not enough time to eradicate the insatiable thirst for alcohol.

[1967]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

wow you guys are all so on the money w/ur observations.
i DOES get harder each time we fall back into old habits to rise out of the darkness and stop the cycle.
i know i keep saying the same thing, but it was so hard for me to stop again after going af for 4 months and then drinking again for 7 months.
it took A LOT for me to have the strength to stop... like a 2 month vacation!!
traveling half way around the world and getting my head on straight in a place where no one else was drinking so my indulgence seemed a bit odd to my friends AND me!
do your best to just NOT drink.
much simpler!

[Gearhead]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

I'd not drink too. Personally I always end up on a multiday binge. Thats just the way my addiction is. I am barely making progess, but I know if I bought a beer tonight, it would turn into ten tonight and ten tomorrow.
Just depends on your own experiences I guess.

[warrior22]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

Great Advice

Wow, I appreciate all the thoughtful posts from folks who have been there! Especially "sobering" were the comments saying it gets harder to stop each time you try. That's scary! It was pretty darn hard to stop this time!

So I didn't have a drink last night (nor did hubby), and I told him I'm going to go at least 30 days AF. He was surprised but supportive. I've never actually talked with him about my drinking habits . . . he knows I was a big drinker, but he had no idea how much (I hid my bottles well ). I'm glad I abstained last night and I can now claim 16 days AF! I've been talking to a counselor to help me stop and to help me figure out why i have needed to drink like a fish for the last 25 years. She keeps telling me that my "secretiveness" is part of the problem, and I need to start doing things more openly. She's right--I never talked to my husband about my concern over my drinking, and I didn't tell him I was stopping (when I told him last night that I hadn't had a drink in 15 days he was surprised--he didn't realize I'd stopped). He doesn't know about this website, he doesn't know I'm taking all the supplements . . .

Of course, I wonder why I don't just come clean and tell him the whole thing and enlist his help. I think it's because I'm afraid he'll take me seriously and make me stop for good! Especially if I mention the results of those liver enzyme tests I had a few weeks ago . . . Part of me likes the "escape hatch" of knowing I can return to drinking at any time without disappointing anyone but myself. I also know that if I seriously want to stop, the best thing I could do is tell my husband and ask him to help me! Boy, I'm a conflicted mess . . . But a sober one!

Thanks MWO and all of you here . . . I couldn't have claimed 16 days without your help!

[scrubbly]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

Bravo on your 16 days Warrior, I bet you are feeling pretty good today.

All the best to you. :goodjob:

[Daffodil]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

Ditto that, I was like you, two weeks out and thought what's one wine anyway. Now I am back where I was before, and trying to get back to even ONE DAY out of the trap. It was such a fast slide back, it only took two days and that two weeks of work was like a puff of dust, and MUCH harder this time.

[savon19]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

Warrior - I really admire that you made the RIGHT decision!!

I really understand you not wanting to tell your husband. I didn't tell my brother about me quitting smoking until I had almost a month! Same logic as yours...

[Gidget]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

day 16!! isn't an easy task to talk ones self out of the ' one drink wont hurt' headspace but you did it : )
I guess the thing to observe now is - Did you have a nice time last night and if there was an aspect of the night that wasn't great was it due to a lack of AF...honestly...and to what degree would AF ( in a sensible couple of wines manner ) really have improved the evening?
I think that when you are ready and feel that your headspace has changed about alcohol- Which I personally think requires at least 3 months ( sorry ) then give moderation a go ( or you will always wonder ), but go in with a very solid plan, eg 1 drink an hr, two standard drinks..full stop. Then you will know if you can mod.
A short break away from the drink often does not fix the prob as I think sometimes it something that is more deep seeded and does need time/therapy etc..
Stick with it ...keep posting and if you do slip back into ols ways dont beat yourself up, congratulate yourself for previous attempts and get back on the AF horse...its a bumpy ride but a hell of a lot of fun!!
All the best Sxx

[colbe]

15 Days AF . . Crazy to try to Moderate?

Running out of battery here so to quickly say...there are many good posints that I have read on this post so far. PuddyTat summed up what I continue to read and learn here and from meetings. The part about it begin worse everytime...how horribly true. Best to you!