If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

[boozehag]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

Hey AB
Great post - thanks for sharing. I was also a binge drinker and my rock bottom nearly 18 months ago was both the worst day of my life and the best day of my life. That was the day I drew the line in the sand and said this is it - this is as far down as I go. No more. It was still one day at a time (ODAT) for a long time but even in the early days the freedom of mind and body that I gained on a daily basis was exhilarating and still is. Now there is nothing whatsoever in a bottle that means anything to me at all as my life even the boring bits is so much better without the binge drinking carnage. You certainly have the right attitude and look forward to more of your insightful posts and I agree rock bottom rocks - as once you are there the only way is up baby.....!
M

[hippie37]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

Hi AB.

For me I saw Rock Bottom as a state of mind and not a physical state of being. Ruined relationships with family, partners, my daughter etc was never going to be enough to convince me that my addiction was out of control. I had thoroughly convinced myself that I could moderate again after nearly 18 months of being a dry drunk, relapsing every 3 months of so in the process. I blamed everyone else but myself for my drinking and was not willing to accept the damage I had done and was doing to myself and my loved ones. My arrogance, stubbornness and fear kept me drinking until I finally hit rock bottom. For me this came while I was looking after a friends house who had gone away to Las Vegas on holiday for 2 weeks. I had a nice house to myself, I could come and go as I pleased, drink as much as I wanted without interference from family......I was a free man! Yet after 2 days I woke up on the kitchen floor with a pint glass in my hand with the contents spilled all over me (milk might I add as I had drunk the place dry!). Sometime previous I had poured a glass of milk for myself and fainted and hit the floor to awake to the mess I was in and a very sore head from the fall. Now we've all heard that saying about "no point in crying over spilled milk!" (or something like that!); well I cried my bleeding eyes out I can tell ya. Finally the realisation had hit me that I could not deal with life anymore through my drinking and drug taking and I was a sorry mess. Those tears were not tears of self pity or failure as they had been in the past but of acceptance that I had finally surrendered and I was beat. It was a beautiful hot sunny morning, I was in a beautiful house with all mod cons and lovely decor yet I was in hell in my head. That's what rock bottom was for me!

It took me 12 weeks of treatment in a 12 step addiction recovery program here in Liverpool before I finally managed to get some clarity around my behaviours through addiction, even before I'd picked up a drink. That place saved my life and I continue to grow today spiritually through both 12 step recovery and the way of the shaman.

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and I think your signature speaks volumes!

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[aust_boy]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

To both hippie 27 and boozehag I can totally relate to what you are saying. I really don't think alcoholism and the associated feelings are that different even though people are so different. The regret, the morbidity, the promises you just don't keep - there is no point in going on because as I keep saying you already know. All I can say is that today is AF 26 and I am on top of the world. I realise there is a long way to go (in non drinkers terms) however I am confident and grateful for what I have been through. Boozehag again, I totally agree. Rock bottom was the worst day of my life by far and also the beginning of a new identity. I knew it meant I had to change. It had come to a point where I was at a fork in the road and the way I chose was going to influence the rest of my life. Thankfully I chose the right way. I had to, it had come to a point where no excuse was going to cut it anymore, no promise however big or small was enough, it was a change in thinking. I could be surrounded by alcohol in this room right here and now and not touch a drop of it. It has no value to me. I'd be more likely to drink bottled water if I was surrounded in it. (I like tap water for some reason). You both seem to have similar mindsets to myself and as you say once you hit rock bottom the only way is up. I literally HATE alcohol now. It has ruined so many things for me, I have ruined so many things for me through the way I thought. Never again - that's why I don't want to be a social drinker, a moderate drinker, a once a year drinker an anything to do with alcohol at all because to me it is a poisonous substance.

Keep up the good work !!!!

[Jandal]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

Thanks for your thread AB - and you're bang-on right - it IS a state of mind. I just wish when I was at your age I had the clarity you have now even though you have had to go through hell to get there. I've just continued to wallow through my own self-inflicted hell but finally I think I have arrived at that same place you have mentally. No event brought it on, but I found I had to make a choice. August 22nd I decided to turn things around and stop drinking at least a bottle of wine every day. I had a slip-up binge drinking night that I brought on myself because i made some bad decisions but the rest of it has gone well. I'm now at the point where the thought of having a drink isn't appealing any longer - I'd much rather have a cup of tea! I don't buy wine now either cos I made a deal with myself not to drink on my own any more.

Jeez it feels good to turn things around, doesn't it?? And thank god for Vegemite!
I look forward to hearing more from you too.

[aust_boy]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

Jandal - a fellow southpark fan! That show is pure genius.

I think I differ slightly because I never really drank because of something happening, I drank because of nothing happening. I drank because it made boredom seem ok and the years flick by so fast. I thank the divine entity, god, the all knowing, whatever you want to call him / her / it / to a certain extent (I am obviously not a religious person. I believe in a higher power but that is where it ends. I have a relationship with that higher power but it is a one on one thing, again, each to their own) - because without the set of circumstances arising for me to face it is possible that trigger would not have gone of in my mind - as bad as the circumstances were. There would be no greater punishment for me than to be back where I was and you all know why. Alcoholism does not discriminate, it allows us all to feel the same horrible, horrendous feelings the next day, the same day, for weeks, months, years, even decades for some poor unfortunate souls.

August 26 with one slip that is amazing. Like I have said I used to think three days was amazing. To a non drinker my achievement is nothing but to people like us who are new at being happy non drinkers know what 26 days without a slip really means. The last day I ever ingested any alcohol was August 13 and it is going to stay that way.

Jandal, realise you are at possibly the most important turning point in your life right now. If there is even a flicker of hope that you can see all alcohol is doing is hurting you in every way - you are right on the money. No one can tell you that though - that is the problem, you have to realise that for yourself. I have said a few times no amount of talking or concerned citizens did anything for me. I had to really reach rock bottom. I have said I will share more about that and I will but believe me I have been to hell and back and then back to hell and back again. There is not a doubt in my mind I am lucky to be alive.

I really don't think it's about age. People make different decisions at different times because people are different. You could be 20, 40, 60, 80, it really doesn't matter. 60 is better than 65, 70 is better than 75. You would have been five years sober and reclaimed your self worth in both cases. Think not of what you have lost but what you are gaining. It doesn't matter how old you are.

All I can do is genuinely wish you the best and hope that you stay on this forum, as I keep saying I am new but people genuinely care here and that is not only a rarity in itself it is a massive rarity on an internet forum. Read through the posts of people who have been back on the wagon for a little while and how liberating it has been for them, myself included. I can't express in words how good I feel - I wish I could somehow beam the feeling I have right now on to all those still suffering, if I could I guarantee they would not even think about drinking. I walk past liquor stores without noticing them, pubs without noticing them. I used to think I was at a disadvantage and that I was missing out. Now I think I am at a huge advantage. I am getting sharper every day, I am not screwing my health and I know that my life expectancy has probably just doubled. I was heading down a moss filled, water filled, ice filled slippery slope.

Devalue the substance. What is it really? Liquid in a bottle that is ruining your life. I knew that. I was well aware of that. Hence getting the keys ultra fast, not thinking, going down to the bottle shop not thinking, getting three of the usual and then racing home still without thinking and drinking. For no particular reason. Alcohol leads to a shocking disease for so many that if you ask me it should be illegal. Gambling is illegal in Japan... but they have $2 cigarettes and alcohol also. So it has to be your individual mindset. There is only so much you can ask society to protect you from without putting your brain in gear. How many ruined lives, deaths, incidences of violence, family breakups, etc is alcohol ingestion responsible for. Yet in Australia it is essentially what our society revolves around - like ireland. It's disgusting. There are those people who have one or two beers and enjoy them I guess. I don't claim to have all the stats, I don't claim to know what goes through peoples minds but in my opinion alcohol is legal because the government is making a SHITLOAD of money out of it. I am only now starting to notice the advertisments on TV regarding informed drinking etc. In my opinion - too little, far far too late. Especially for a culture like Australia.

Good luck Jandal and keep up your excellent work!! It just so liberating to be sober. I am sure anyone who has at least 20 AF days would agree with that statement. Don't think of the challenge it is to get there - think of all the horrible things you will be leaving behind. I personally will never ever have to apologise for something I can't even remember doing again and that, if only that - (there is a whole PILE of other stuff that goes with it) is worth it to me not to ingest alcohol.

Be well!!

[mario]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

well said Aust_boy i am enjoying your posts. A bad habit never disappears miraculously,its an undoityourself project keep up the good work.

[work in progress]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

great insight

AB, So happy for your mindset now. You sound grateful and happy. 2 Things you said really resonated with me - " I am proud to say I am a "happy non drinker" the tough part is to become a happy non drinker instead of someone with an "alcohol problem trying not to drink"". That is so true that is where a want my head to be. I'm still clinging to the idea of the occasional drink. I'm starting to think that's not possible for me.

That leads into the second thing - you talked about the AA meeting where a woman who was sober for 30 years is still calling herself an alcoholic.... If that's what you think of yourself than your life is a daily battle. I would hate that. One of the reasons AA turns me off (among many) is having to say "Hi, my name is.... and I'm an alcoholic". (it's my opinion, I'm sure there are alot of AA people that think that's important to say for a good reason)

Keep posting. I really like to read the long insightful posts because even though everyone has the same feelings of regret, shame, boredom, loneliness, stress etc., everyone has a different way of sharing their stories. There is always a "lightbulb moment" or a new way of saying something that speaks to me personally. Thanks

[hippie37]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

WIP maybe you haven't truly accepted you ARE an alcoholic, hence why you may still cling to the notion that you could still drink occasionally. I know lot's of people in fellowship who introduce themselves as grateful recovered alcoholics/addicts. There is a chapter in the BB and The Basic Text in NA (adapted from the BB) entitled "We Do Recover". It is my belief that I will recover from the obsession that is alcoholism/addiction but I will always be an addict. I can't hide or run away from that fact. It's part of my 'make up' and I have to accept me for who I am. The 12 steps are just a bridge to normal living for someone like me who is an addict and not a way of life. I don't battle every day to stay sober because I'm not in a battle in the first place. I've accepted I'm an addict and I live happy and free from that obsession today to drink.

I think if you look at alcohol or being an alcoholic in a negative way then you are bound to think negatively about not drinking. I don't demonize alcohol like I hate it or loath it etc. It just has no part in my life anymore SIMPLE. The fight's over!

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[caysea]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

Hi All
Very well said Hippie.Even though I don't participate in AA in my recovery. I look at their program and embrace aspects that help me put al out of my life .Knowing I will always be an alcoholic keeps me from considering having one drink.

Stay Healthy and Keep Strong
AF 5-16-08

[work in progress]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

AA not for me

That's why I said in parenthesis that this was just my opinion and other people may have their opinions. To be told what I should accept about myself won't change what I think of AA. Like I said, if it works other people - great. I just dislike alot of things about AA including trying to convert people and thinking AA is the only way.

[aust_boy]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

If there is one thing I learned while I was in rehab it was that people deal with this terrible affliction differently whether it be AA, NA (works better for some), praying to their respective gods, talking it over with their psychiatrist or a lucky pair of slippers. The underlying fact here is that we are all brothers and sisters in arms. We are all suffering, we all know what its like to wake up with regret that rips at your very being and we all know what it's like to do exactly the same thing that caused that regret the very next day and beat ourselves up even more.

Whether you want to call yourself an alcoholic, a problem drinker, a drinker with problems, a non drinker, a happy non drinker, an ex alcohol swimmer, whatever - we are all essentially the same and are all suffering. Some more than others depending I guess on where they are with their private battles. Semantics just aren't important, I feel sharing what works for you is a fantastic idea - it could even motivate someone who has never tried anything to rid themselves of alcoholism to go out and try that. However the same thing is not going to work for everyone, it is just impossible, human beings are just too complex and simple at the same time. It's simple that we all have the same disease but the way we solve it for ourselves is extremely complex. In my opinion the only part of the solution that is the same for everyone is that they must want to rid themselves of the disease for themselves and not anyone else, no matter how much you love them, or it simply won't work. What is important here is getting better. Getting over alcoholism. Period. For everyone on this site. Your own respective ways out.

MWO as you all know was hitting rock bottom, changing the way I think, sticking to it and consequently being 27 AF. I did not choose this way out. If I had the opportunity to choose I probably wouldn't have chosen anything and stuck to it, I would have wanted to be sober but I have been through so much that has not snapped me out of it I had to hit absolutely rock bottom to do so. I admire so many people on this site who have not hit rock bottom but realise they have a serious problem and are trying to fix it. We all know it is extremely hard to do.

I had to snap out of the fantasy world I was living in and damn quick at that. For me it simply was not an option to keep drinking. For me I finally realised when I hit that rock bottom point when the path I was on meant death or jail or worse through the absolutely inane things I would do when I was under the influence. My wake up call was being sucker punched unprovoked by a psychotic in a holding cell. Surrounded by a biker and someone so high on heroin it was like he wasn't there. It finally clicked. I DO NOT BELONG HERE and this is where alcohol has led me. I have already told people I was not a violent drunk. I was there on a DUI charge. I got picked up in my driveway the one time I was not going to go out. The one time I was just screwing around drunk with a car (big driveway) however stupid that was I ended up where I ended up and my mind was made up for me essentially. I had no choice because when I realised I did not belong with those people, I had to cancel the alcohol or it was inevitable that is where I was heading in life.

I do not consider myself better than those people in the cell - just different - they have either chosen to live the lifestyles they live or they are scum and scum exists. That is something I have had to learn, the amount of times I got ripped off, cheated, hussled, etc while I was under the influence was not enough. I used to consider everyone a good person with a good heart, I know that not to be the case now. Some people don't want to be good people and some people aren't interested in helping others. They don't have good hearts and I know that is possible now, I never realised that before - something as simple as that I had to learn. I honestly think in ways alcohol dependence is emotionally stunting and some parts of my emotional repertoire have not developed as fully as they should have at 29 years of age. I don't know how I managed to hang on to my university enrollment but I did. I guess I made up for that by screwing nearly everything else in my life up. When I see people arguing over things as trivial as semantics or what to classify yourself as or who suffers more or less or what treatment works best or anything like that it honestly just breaks my heart. The problem is so much more than that and the same amount of thought could be put into helping someone else or just encouraging someone else, or even just listening and responding.

There is no magical cure for this disease and we all know this. There is no magic pill, not even antibuse. People continue drinking - I have seen it. In my opinion we just need to be there for each other because we all share something very important - our struggle to get sober and stay sober. This MWO community speaks volumes about it's members in a positive way, people may have a problem with alcohol but if you are here you are trying damn hard to get rid of it wherever you are in the battle. :new: and that is my impression of this forum after trolling hundreds of others. I am going to stick around here.

Be well everyone and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I've seen it.

[boozehag]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

IMO its all about attitude - you can chose your attitude regardless of whether you believe in AA or not. Stating that you are an alcoholic may not necessarily be a burden for those that chose AA - they may well be jumping for joy on the inside. Everyone is different but I personally dont think of myself as an alcoholic anymore. I also dont think of myself as being sober or AF or abstaining or being tee total or going without anything - quite the reverse in fact. I am now partaking in and imbibing the joys of life instead of abstaining from real life by drinking.
M

[aust_boy]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

boozehag;711768 wrote: IMO its all about attitude - you can chose your attitude regardless of whether you believe in AA or not. Stating that you are an alcoholic may not necessarily be a burden for those that chose AA - they may well be jumping for joy on the inside. Everyone is different but I personally dont think of myself as an alcoholic anymore. I also dont think of myself as being sober or AF or abstaining or being tee total or going without anything - quite the reverse in fact. I am now partaking in and imbibing the joys of life instead of abstaining from real life by drinking.
M

Amen to that :goodjob:

[boozehag]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

Hey aust boy
We cross posted!
I also found the l-glut very helpful for managing physical cravings in the early days. Its great stuff and I still take it.
You are up very early for an Australian - another one of the benefits of not drinking!
Have a great day and thanks for sharing.
M

[Jandal]

If your problem is alcohol the only thing that worked for me is hitting rock bottom.

Hey AB - you're right, it is liberating to be sober. I wanted to take back control of this aspect of my life because i started morphing into my alcoholic Dad who drank every day to get drunk and eventually died from it. I became the booze head of the family and the butt of jokes for my nephews and nieces and I realised if i continued to keep this up, all I was doing was passing on the same misery I went through on to my kids. I didn't want them to be ashamed of me and my lack of control when it came to booze. That coupled with the fact that I have managed to remain fairly healthy despite the boozing made me realise how lucky I have been and how lucky I am now and that I need to get this under control while I am still ahead and still able to. For me I just needed to know I could stop at half a glass and not desire to have any more, or even not want a drink at all. Tonight I had to go to two social functions and the first I stopped at that half a glass of wine and didn't want any more, and at the second I had a small glass of beer and didn't need or want a refill. The best thing is that this time around, it feels very different - it's not like I am kidding myself or holding myself back. That is very liberating.

Now I have chosen to live this way, my eyes have been opened to the same sort of advertising you talk about AB, it's scary. We lowered our drinking age to 18 and its created carnage here. I walk into the supermarket and just see trolleys and baskets full of booze going through the checkout at all times of the day. And going after work on a Friday or anytime on Saturday and seeing all those kids walking out with box after box of beer and bottles and bottles of wine - it's a huge worry. The politicians should be forced to work the police cells and hospital emergency after doing a stint on the registers at the supermarket on a Friday night and see the result of their handiwork firsthand.