New, but really want to start the program!!

[pinkmilk]

Hi,
my name is Cerstin and I live in London (anyone else here from the UK?).
I have just finished MY WAY OUT and really want to start the program. I have been drinking for almost three years - increasing gradually from half a bottle of wine a night to now being able to do two without stopping... (more if we have friends over or there is more in the fridge) - always liked to have a drink, but it was very "socially acceptable moderate" drinking until I had my third child. For some stupid (and now incomprehensible reason) I didn't want a boy and from day one I started to drink. And I never stopped, but drank more and more.
Now, I buy two bottles of wine most nights,, my husband has one or two glasses and I drink the rest.
He still thinks I could easily control the amount I'm drinking, but I know that I can't.
I would so love to be able to drink moderately, have a glass or even two and then not want any more.
This book offers so much hope, but I don't dare to dream that I could ever be like I used to be.
Also, even though I spent almost ?8 a night on wine, I feel I can't afford the one off pay-out for the CDs and the vitamins. And I'm worried talking to my GP about a prescription for Topamax.
Anyway, that's me.
Nice to be part of this forum, the postings are really inspiring.
Thanks, Cerstin

[AMELIA]

New, but really want to start the program!!

Hi Cerstin,
Yes I'm a londoner too!!! Well, sort of, Middlesex which is pretty close I reckon (30 mins to Baker St station).
It's good that you have found this forum and read the book already. The book is amazingly positive and inspiring isn't it? I think I sighed a breath of relief just reading that there were two goal options - moderation or abstinence. It seemed to take a lot of pressure off just knowing that I wasn't reading 'you must stop now- or else!'.
I had dilemas when I asked my doc for the topamax. I took printouts of info for him to read and left it with him for a week. When I went back he apologised but said he wasn't able to prescribe it because it didn't fall into the medicinal framework that they worked to.(ie he hadn't heard of it for treating alcohol cravings).
I felt really let down, but understood. I decided to order it over the net and have proceeded slowly. I am still on 25mg and doing all the other supps. I know they look expensive, but I do think they help hugely. I just tell myself that its better for me to spend money on the supps etc than on wine.
I was buying 3-4 bottles of wine day so I'm saving money now :-) I'm on day 15 - it's the longest I have been off the booze in 15 years so somethings working!!!!!
I don't have any kids Cerstin (yet), but have you thought of maybe talking to someone about the feelings you had around the time of your last son's birth? Or, maybe writing the date down and then just write words for all the feelings that you felt then and since then.... It sounds tough, I feel for you.
Make sure you keep on catching up with whats going on for everyone here and reach out as often as you can. Amelia

[southernbelle47]

New, but really want to start the program!!

Hey Cerstin,
My third child is a boy. We did not plan on having over two...........but guess what..............I to was angry while pg and had some "adjustments" after he was born. I agree that journaling will help. Also if you can find a group of mothers to meet with and discuss the problems and joys of raising kids, it would be great.
There is a group called MOPs.....I think. I found my group at a baptist church. They provided child care and a study for us to do. Are there any baptist churches in your area?
Now for the best part of my story........
My baby boy is 27 years old......a collage graduate and is now in grad school.
He is a marine and is about to be married this month.
He out of all my kids is my "heart" child. He was a gift...I didn't ask for.....Aren't those the best kind?
There is a book called "Wild At Heart" that will help you understand boys and men. They are different from girls and women......

Blessings as you search for Your Way Out.

Nancy:l

[Bambino]

New, but really want to start the program!!

Wlcome Pinkmilk ( cutename ) !!!!



I'm from Uk too, from the Northwest.

Have a good read on the posts here, most of us are on the supps, but all in all they are not expensive...
Sorry about this RJ - but many of them are available from UK healthstores such as Holland and Barret - -I mainly order all of mine from www.healthspan.co.uk who deliver, usually next day - free p & p.

It's difficult ordering from MWO directly for UK citizens, for all of the supps because of the shipping costs , although I do order my kudzu - ( So am I redeemed ? ) !!!!

If want a chat about anything - then send me a personal message. X

Glad you came Pinkmilk xxxx :l

[pinkmilk]

New, but really want to start the program!!

Dearest Amelia, Southerbells47 and Bambino,
thanks so much for your replies!!
I have been so miserable all day and really really want to change things. Well, if I could change the way I drink, that would be a fantastic start!!!
Thanks for your input, Souternbelle47 - I have got over having a little boy and not the girl I expected to have (long story!). We took a while to get to love each other, but he is a great little boy. Very silly, funny, cute..... couldn't imagine our family without him now.
That's why it's so ridiculous that I started drinking every night after he was born - and boy, it was a lovely birth (in our bedroom, very peaceful, midwives I knew from baby 1 and 2.....)
But before his birth, I never had a problem with drink! Why is that!!!!!? I just never stopped drinking since having him even though the original "upsets" have long passed. Stupid stupid stupid!
Can you really go through each day without thinking of how nice it would be to have a glass of wine? Every little upset during the day and yes, I think, I could do with a glass of wine.
I don't yet drink during the day, but the thought is with me from the moment I wake.
Oh god, what a loser I am.
Sorry to go on and on. Really appreciated your replies and I will take a look at Holland and Barett too.
Good Night! Thanks again, Cerstin
(pink milk is my kids fave drink, we love Charlie and Lola!)

[AMELIA]

New, but really want to start the program!!

Hey Pinkmilk,
Just read your response....I reckon you can go through days without thinking about wine! I have and there was a time when I didn't believe I would.
You have already read the book and probably quite a few of the posts on this site...so you are in a much stronger place already with just those two tools. I do think that the supps and kudzu work! Topamax too, along with exercise and trying to find other ways of dealing with your stress.
Was it that you feel overwhelmed when you had your third child?? Were you struggling to cope beforehand? Just wondering why the drinking so definately started at that time......
Do let us know how you are getting on. Kind wishes. Amelia

[arcadiabreeze]

New, but really want to start the program!!

Hi there,

I'm also from the UK and find it heartening to realise so many other mums have problems with this struggle. I used to think my shameful secret was a curse that no other woman or mother could understand. Surely no mother would drive in the morning over the limit or breath wine fumes into the Headteachers face - I felt alone and ashamed, unworthy and unlikely to change.

Lucky for me I found this place and had 25 days without a drink before having some on Saturday - OK I fell off the horse but Sunday came and I got right back on. I have so much hope for the future and have found my self respect.

We can do this...:happy:

[freckles]

New, but really want to start the program!!

Hi pinkmilk - I am also a mother of three and my drinking went wacko after my third. She was also born at home and is an amazing child. I just want to say hi and yes, it's funny, how we justify the money we spend getting a buzz that we could instead be spending on anything else. Like my kids college fund, or a down payment on a new car, or some really cute booty jeans that make me feel great. Or this program that has the possibility of changing my life. Yes it's crazy. And my husband's the same way, he thinks I'm fine. But he's drinking more and more and I wonder if I'm contagious.

[lushy]

New, but really want to start the program!!

Pinkmilk, so many of us are experiencing what you do. You are not alone!!! I find it very difficult to not think about wine every day but since finding this board I have actually gone five AF days in the last couple of weeks and only had one really bad night. AND I am not completely doing the program. The support on here has been a huge part of that. Stay with us!

[pinkmilk]

New, but really want to start the program!!

Hi arcadiabreeze and freckles,
so nice to hear from you! What is it about having kids that makes us want to drink more wine or whatever!?
I know it's hard work, but surely there must be millions of mums out there who do not need the extra comforting drink(ssssss). Oh, I don't know!
I have an appointment with my GP on monday and I am planning on showing her the Lancet article on Topamax and the My Way Out book but I am really nervous.
My GP is lovely and has given me Prozac for depression after childbirth three times! She's always been really understanding, but I do feel awful admitting to her that I have been drinking quite this much. I have mentioned to her at my last visit that I drink every night, but didn't come clean that it was up to two bottles of wine. I have no idea if she will give me a prescription for Topamax, but if she won't I will get it somewhere online. I know I have to start this program, it's just difficult to actually set the date.....
in the meantime I just drink.
Thanks again for your posts, I really appreciate the time people on this site have already spent on answering my questions etc.
All the Best to you , girls!