are there any other parents of children with special needs?

[ksjrnybk]

I'm fairly new to this all. I'm guess I'm not familiar enough with these forums, to know proper manners. Frankly, I don't even know where to start. I would love to get involved in speaking to others that are going through the same things.
I'm wondering if there are others out there that are dealing with our personal issues with drinking, and also have children who have special needs.
I am a single mom with 4 children. Two of my children have Autism, another has just been determined to be "gifted," and my "baby" has just started kindergarten.

I have dealt with "drinking issues" within my family for many, many years. I am at a place within myself now, that I want to stop the cycle. I'm hoping to find support here.

This is an emotional time, with the 5th anniversary of Sept 11th. That day changed my life in so many ways. I "swore" that day, that "things would be different with me...I would take better care of myself." Yet, here I am.

I suppose my "bottom-line" here is, I'm done beating myself down, I want better for myself and my family. If it takes the memory of what we went through 5 yrs ago to finally lay it down in my mind, then so be it.

I simply want to get better.
I don't want my children to be without their Mommy.

[southernbelle47]

are there any other parents of children with special needs?

:welcome: Hey Js...........there are people here with "special" kids.......Happycamper is one........check out her post.......

Hang on, honey..........you can do this....

[Ivygoodluck]

are there any other parents of children with special needs?

Hi Ks,

I have raised a special needs son. He is stabilized, living on his own, but there are still assorted "crises" here and there. I really feel for you-- having been through that. Although two with autism, well that is daunting. I'm hoping you have family support, friends support and professional support, You need it all.

Most of all, I understand that sinking terror in the pit of your stomach when something goes wrong. I lived with that for so many years, and frankly it never really goes away as long as our kids have problems.
But let me say that I was in therapy for two years with a wonderful analyst and he taught me to SEPARATE and COMPARTMENTALIZE the problems so that you can still be in the moment and celebrating the good things in your life, your gifted child, your own accomplishments, all that. Don't let the BAD snowball and take up everything else. Separate it in your mind and emotions so that you can enjoy and grow from your other accomplishments and pleasures. It can be done. It actually saved my life. Otherwise I would have drowned in alcohol.,Now I still have three, four glasses of wine most nights but hey, it's nothing like when I was in such despair over my damaged child. And guilt. get rid of it! None of this is your fault. Nature delivers diseases and these are the same as any physical ones.

Now I have lived long enough to see---we are all blades of grass and illnesses come randomly and genetically. Not in our control. Accept that. And never, ever give up on your own wonderful life!

Ivy

[Suza]

are there any other parents of children with special needs?

Hi Ks,
I'm fairly new at this as well. I have been abs for 3 weeks. A miracle for me as I have been drinkinjg every night for the last 7 years. I have an 11 year old daughter with a congenital birth defect that has left her mentally retarded. I'm sure alot of the drinking was a release from being needed everyday since she was born. we are headed into puberty and she needs quite a bit of care. I hope I can get threw it in one piece and without booze..My heart goes out to you as I know the incredicle demands that are placed on you. The good news is if you give up the drink your days are clearer and boy the energy comes back..Follow this group and read. It actually took me a year to try and quit after finding this site. It can be done.
God bless you..
Suza

[Ivygoodluck]

are there any other parents of children with special needs?

Ks,

I have been thinking about you as I know the others are. You have a big challenge and we are all with you. Please log in and be part of this community. We genuinely care for you and want to help.

love, Ivy

[ksjrnybk]

are there any other parents of children with special needs?

Southernbelle, Ivy & Suza; I can't thank you enough for responding to my desperate feelings. Just by reading your messages, I feel I have found support. Right now, my heart and my brain feel nothing short of a "blender mix" of feelings. I know what I want to do, what I MUST do. At the risk of sounding so disgustingly full of self pity, I have simply felt so completely alone for so long. Yes, much of it, I'm sure I brought on myself. However, I have always "willed myself" to FIRST be Mommy. (Hmm...some childhood issues there? ~ I HATE those excuses!) The idea of friends, relationships, has always been second. I know, in my "logical, even worse, my educated thinking" that I must first be Kristen before I can be an effective Mommy.
The other day, I heard someone say; (paraphrased) "Sometimes, as parents we reach this mode where we are acting in a complete ~ Zone Defense~ we are doing nothing more than getting through, and struggling, emotionally or financially or mentally to simply get through today."
I am sickened with the fact that, that statement is ME.
I never want to use my children, or the special needs they have and all we must do to support them, as an excuse for not showing them how "real Mommies" act.

ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!
Does any of this make sense?

Kristen

[Suza]

are there any other parents of children with special needs?

Kristen,
yes,yes,yes..I know how you feel. The endless days of focusing on survival especially survivng handicaps in your children. For years I questioned why me . How is my child going to go through school and become an adult in a world that can be so cruel. I woried about being embarresed about my daughters behavior in public and the looks we get. Finally I got it.. in my mind I believe I was given a gift from the Universe. I have learned more about myself in the last 11 years that would take a lifetime or not for others. As they say, God doesn't give out more than you can handle and you must believe that noone else can be as good a Mother as you are to those children. It is more than Ok to feel self pity..are you kidding..Being a parent is hard enough never mind being the parent of 2 children with speicial needs. Are there any other Autistic children in your community? I finally sought the help of a therapist last June and this has helped me to put things in perspective. Hypno is real helpful. You can do this..I know you can...
Suza