What I do know is that even 2 drinks a day, which is an average for me, is not what I want to be doing. I see how it changes me, and now I think about it when I don't need to, and that scares me.
This past year has been awful, and I have used alcohol to deal with it, but when I look at my life, I have always used something to deal with my emotions. When I was a child, it was bulemia, then it was smoking ( god how I miss smoking) ,and if not that , then alcohol. The funny thing, ironic, is that I am health conscious every other way.
It scares me that I am getting pain near my liver. Not a lot, more of an ache or discomfort. Self diagnosed it's the end of the world. reading this forum, I know it means I need to stop drinking and give my body a chance to rest.
I didn't think I had a problem because I am not what I saw growing up. I guess I clung to that so I didn't have to look at the problems that I do have. Most people I know get together and drink, perhaps over drink socially. When does that cross over to a problem. I know I have one, I just don't want one anymore.
Do you ever learn to have it not be a problem once you deal with the pain? So much to go through...what do you do with it all? When will I feel like myself again? Somehow I forgot how good it feels just to be myself. I want that back again.
All input is appreciated. Thank you for listening.
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