New Definitions

[newbie22]

I think that I have been lying to myself for a very long time in regards to alcohol. I grew up with violent alcoholics. As long as I wasn't drinking like them, I wasn't one. I don't know if I am one now, but I am dependent and addicted that is for sure. The label of alcoholic though, it makes me angry. Is that denial? I don't know what to think anymore.

What I do know is that even 2 drinks a day, which is an average for me, is not what I want to be doing. I see how it changes me, and now I think about it when I don't need to, and that scares me.

This past year has been awful, and I have used alcohol to deal with it, but when I look at my life, I have always used something to deal with my emotions. When I was a child, it was bulemia, then it was smoking ( god how I miss smoking) ,and if not that , then alcohol. The funny thing, ironic, is that I am health conscious every other way.

It scares me that I am getting pain near my liver. Not a lot, more of an ache or discomfort. Self diagnosed it's the end of the world. reading this forum, I know it means I need to stop drinking and give my body a chance to rest.

I didn't think I had a problem because I am not what I saw growing up. I guess I clung to that so I didn't have to look at the problems that I do have. Most people I know get together and drink, perhaps over drink socially. When does that cross over to a problem. I know I have one, I just don't want one anymore.

Do you ever learn to have it not be a problem once you deal with the pain? So much to go through...what do you do with it all? When will I feel like myself again? Somehow I forgot how good it feels just to be myself. I want that back again.

All input is appreciated. Thank you for listening.

[Popeye]

New Definitions

Hi newbie22

It doesn't matter what you call how you feel, just how you deal with it.
Your body and mind seem to have come to the same conclusion; that you need to rest and give yourself a chance to find the kind of life you want to have. We all deal with the stresses and strains of daily living in different ways and I was of the opinion that without a drink, I wouldn't be able to function properly. Nothing could be further from the truth. By making a lot of little changes, I managed to change the way I think about my addiction and also change the way my life was going.
It took me a long time. Some people take a while to get it right while others get it first time.
Give it a try. I'm sure you can make the changes that you want to.
Give it a try.
Good luck.

[Doggygirl]

New Definitions

:welcome:newbie22. I can relate to so much of your post - at least the stuff about you. (thankfully my parents were not violent or alcoholic - I can't even imagine what that must have been like!)

When I first found MWO on line in 2007:

1. I was desparately trying to cling to the notion that I was not an addict, regardless of what label you want to call it.
2. I desparately wanted to change my life for the better, but still be able to drink. (even though I didn't admit that I still desparately wanted to keep drinking - the moderation option is what made MWO sound awesome to me!)
3. Booze was ruining my life from health to marriage and beyond.

It's been a long and winding road but today:

1. I have been continuously sober / AF for well over a year.
2. Life is worth living again and I am HAPPY in a deep down and simple way that I haven't felt for years.
3. My marriage is better than it has ever been.
4. Even knowing how badly booze wrecked my life, I still want to drink sometimes. But I'm determined not to. And that's OK. I'm LIVING and FREE.

If I can quit drinking and get a better life going on, so can you. It's not easy but it's worth it - at least that's how it's been for me.

Congrats on quitting smoking by the way. That was a tough one for me. But I won't do that again either. Onward and upward.

Wise words there Popeye!

DG