Looking for advice

[MountainBlueJay]

Hello. I am new to this site. I have never actually posted to ANY web site before so this feels very strange to me. I am desperate to stop drinking and am afraid of failure. Each time I try to quit and fail makes it that much harder to try again. I have a husband who drinks at least as much as I do. We enable each other. I'm pretty sure if I take the initiative, and he sees that I am able to overcome, that he will join me in quitting. But him having alcohol in the house makes it that much more difficult for me to stop. Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this?

[startingover]

Looking for advice

Hi there Mountain and a big welcome to you.
Yes, your situation is identical to mine. My husband drinks too but the difference with him is he doesnt have a problem. I had to take the initiative and quit and the fact that I did has made him look at his drinking and now drinks much less. It was hard to start. So when he was drinking I did something else. Now I am fine being around alcohol but in the early days it was best for me to keep a distance from it.
What helped me was spending lots of time on this forum getting inspiration and support.
Good luck

[JackieClaire]

Looking for advice

:hello2:

Hi Mountain,

My husband was also my drinking buddy. Nothing better than slurping down a glass or two of red. Except his WAS a glass or two whereas mine was a bottle or two.

Keep reading the posts. Keep posting.

Most of all don't give up on giving up.

All the luck in the world.

Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

[MountainBlueJay]

Looking for advice

Starting Over: Thanks! I think I will let DH know when he gets home tomorrow that I won't be hanging out with him if he is drinking. I'm sure he will understand. I will also need to keep a distance from it.

Jackie: Thanks so much for the support and encouragement. I'm feeling like I'm going to make it thru this evening with no wine.

[Lavande]

Looking for advice

Hi MountainBlueJay,

Welcome, glad you found us!
My drink was wine, my husband's is beer. He can have all the beer around he wants, that doesn't interest me. He has one or two then he stops, I could never do that.

If you haven't yet, read the MWO book and make a good plan for yourself. Look in the Tool Box in the Monthly Abstinence thread - it's full of good ideas to help you make your plan.

Please feel free to join us on the 'Newbies Nest' thread too!

Wishing you the best!
Lav

[splint]

Looking for advice

ditto

MountainBlueJay;717625 wrote: Hello. I am new to this site. I have never actually posted to ANY web site before so this feels very strange to me. I am desperate to stop drinking and am afraid of failure. Each time I try to quit and fail makes it that much harder to try again. I have a husband who drinks at least as much as I do. We enable each other. I'm pretty sure if I take the initiative, and he sees that I am able to overcome, that he will join me in quitting. But him having alcohol in the house makes it that much more difficult for me to stop. Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this?

YEH I'm a first timer too .. AMAZING you have just decribed me / my life to a "T ". Exact same situation -I need 2 stop thinking and start doing.. yeh I know easier said then done, if was that easy this site would not exsist But it does & so pleased. Hopefully this is the kickstart/ motivation needed.. to at least start taking control... have 2 start somewhere!! hey

[Boss.man]

Looking for advice

Welcome MountainBlueJay!

I think it's harder. But not so much harder as to be a huge obstacle. The huge obstacle for me was my own brain and my own habits, and having to re-learn how to live my life without my "lifelong friend". Part of what worked for me was to change my evening habits completely, not just drinking, but my whole idea of after-work leisure, tv and non-structured time. I had to eliminate the time I used to drink, I don't go in the room I did it in, I got rid of the glasses I used. That was over about a year's time. Given all those changes, the fact that I leave the room for my study if my spouse drinks is relatively minor.

Availability of alcohol in the house is tough. For a long time, the more I quit the harder it was to resist the pull of a sneak drink, which would turn into a second drink and then a binge. So I finally made a rule that we buy the smallest bottle sizes, not the discount bottles, and we buy when things are gone; no stocking up. That forced more accountability for me as even a sneak drink is noticeable within the limited stock. And yes, for a while I had a hidden bottle thing going, in suitcases, behind the curtains etc. Took a while to get that out of my range and that was a personal battle my spouse was not aware of. So who checks the level in the bottle? It's just me. It's like the dog with a treat on his nose, I've come to accept that I can look, I can buy for my spouse, and I am not going to touch it, and I am accountable for that. It is part of my journey to make that work out.

In recent months I'm more at peace with things, but for my first six months it seemed touch and go.

[Guest]

Looking for advice

Husband drinks

Yes, very hard. My husband drinks a lot, but doesn't think it is a problem. He is my enabler. At times, I've made such a fool of myself, at home, I never leave home, but it's like he buys me off with alcohol. Maybe I am talking about another problem.