newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

[modereco]

I have struggled with problem drinking for many years, but I really started to see that I was an alcoholic after my father died 6 years ago. Neither of my parents were drinkers, but I have issues with my family that cause me a lot of anxiety since my father's death.

I am both strong-willed and very realistic about things and can easily say I AM an alcoholic, no denial of that. But I can't seem to get the willpower to stop.

Mostly I find the need to drink at night, and even though I know there are better alternatives to help me sleep, the only thing I want is booze. I feel like the best thing for me is to stop cold turkey, because the few times in the past I have been successful at going AF (longest ever... one time 3 months!) was total abstinence. Never went to an AA meeting in my life. But when I drank again, it was a textbook "off the wagon" tumble from AF back into regular heavy drinking.

Can you approach this problem with moderation as a goal, but only succeed with abstinence? I don't know how else to go, and I'm scared.

[colbe]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

With regards to modding, I think you will find here that concensous is "no". There are a ton here that tried but from what I have read, most are unsucessful but of course we all WANT to be able to mod...and be the "social" drinker. Hate to rain on your parade, mine got rained on too. Cool if you can, more power to you! Keep reading. That's really impressive that you did 3 months! I hope one day I am strong enough to achieve such a goal!

[paula]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

Hi Modereco and welcome. I can only speak for myself, I am an alcoholic,and once I accepted that I realised that I can't drink at all, moderation cannot be practised for long by an alcoholic. I went to an AA meeting the other night and one member said after 6 months of abstinence he thought he could have just one drink, that drink kept him drunk for 8 months!. That I'm afraid would be me.
Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

[christyacc]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

Welcome Modereco, a fellow Cdn!!! I am merely an hour and a half south of you!

That is the magic question!!! Whether to mod or not to mod! Only you know the answer to that. Some can and some can't. I know it doesn't sound like much help, but read, read, read! Knowledge is power and you will decide if you can or cannot.

I personally want to mod. I simply cannot see my life without AL. I'm not sure if that is my addicted brain talking or my new confident self! Modding is my goal....still working on it though.

Good luck to you!

Christy

[Tipplerette]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

I, too, want to eventually be moderate. For my 53rd birthday I am giving myself the gift of abstinence for the two weeks from today until October 8th. Today was the first day I looked at abstinence as a gift to myself rather than a punishment. Hopefully that mindset will tip the scales in my favour. I don't drink more than 1/2 a bottle of wine per night but it's EVERY night. I am a little person and feel like my body is not liking this little addiction of mine.

[tassimo]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

Hi modereco,,I'm in the toronto area as well and can very much understand your struggles. I have been moderating since August 12, and in between that many AF days,,and I have to say, the nights I drank really weren't worth it. Missed that clear head in the morning and energy I feel after a few AF days. I plan on an AF weekend, made easier because we have no social plans. I agree with many here. Abstinence is easier but hard to imagine never drinking again...that thought would have blown me away a month ago but now I see the advantages. I had a major vodka problem, which started out as a bottle of wine a night that progressed to a bottle of vodka a week. Anyway,,my advise to you is take it an hour at a time if you need to..and when you feel like having that first drink of the day, have a big glass of water and go for a walk...then see how you feel. The hours will go by and you'll start to feel like you can do it. Waking up the next day will be so refreshing,,you love how you feel and not want to be hungover again. Reading posts and staying close to this website will help so much. There are many people who understand the struggles and don't judge...I'll be sending positive vibes to Toronto!!!

[paula]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

Alcoholism is considered by some in the medical profession to be a disease/allergy. If we are allergic to something is it not wiser to stay clear from that substance.? My daughter is allergic to penicillin and her life would be at risk if she were to be given it. My life has been seriously compromised by alcohol, and I try to stay well clear.

[sunshine_gg]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

Look at all the canucks coming out of the woods! :H

Welcome, Modereco!
Although RJ (the author of the book 'My Way Out' and founder of the program) didn't use abstinence herself, the general advice is to go at least 30 days AF (alcohol free) before attempting to moderate. This is to get away from the 'habit' and to give your brain a chance to get into a different gear.

That said, many of us find that we can NOT ever drink moderately or 'normally'. I am in that group myself.

First steps for you might be to get the book (you can download a pdf from the store on this site), make a PLAN (have a look at the toolbox thread here and read the many many posts here. Perhaps you'd like to join us in the Newbie's Nest, or any of the short term threads? The ODAT (one day at a time) thread is a great one, too.

Truly take it one day at a time. Or, as tassimo said, one hour at a time, one minute, even.

Good luck - you've found a great community with a wealth of information to share.

[sunshine_gg]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

paula;722731 wrote: Alcoholism is considered by some in the medical profession to be a disease/allergy. If we are allergic to something is it not wiser to stay clear from that substance.? My daughter is allergic to penicillin and her life would be at risk if she were to be given it. My life has been seriously compromised by alcohol, and I try to stay well clear.

Thank you Paula.
That's actually exactly how I view my 'little problem'... as an allergy.

[paula]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

I have a brother who for years has been trying to moderate his drinking, he manages to do so for a while but usually ends up in hospital, having failed again. The professionals tell him if he must drink to stick to beer etc. I tell him that I can't afford to even consider a beer, but bless him he is convinced that he will eventually be ok. I hope that he will be, but this has been going on for years, and only he can decide if he is an alcoholic.

[modereco]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

Wow! Thank you everyone for your responses. I can see why this community is important to you, and helps you by being so supportive. and hello to my neighbours in Canada!!! :-)

I really want to stop drinking primarily because I know it is taking a toll on my health and that will get much worse, and also my pocketbook... it is truly ridiculous how much money I spend on alcohol, those who have responded from Ontario know there are no cheap drinks here!

Colbe, thanks, those were the healthiest 3 months in my adult life... i also got very active, my diet improved, I started taking nutritional supplements... all reasons why coming across My Way Out has resonated so much with me. i want to get back to where I was at that time and not have a glass of wine at a cocktail party and go downhill from there (but then again i still want to and not go downhill!)

Paula, Christy and Sunshine... thank you all as well for your helpful and thoughtful words, I guess it is as I expected, the most common question and it varies for everyone. If only I could feel independence from alcohol in the first place, then moderation would seem to make sense. But I feel like drinking is so connected to my daily life and they way I have always dealt with problems, that just thinking of not needing it makes me... need it.

Happy Birthday Tipplerette and congrats on your present to yourself, I am sure it will be a great way to start the next year of your life in the right state of mind, and that can only lead to good things.

Tassimo, I definitely know what you mean about feeling so much better after an AF night and realizing that it is not worth it, even to give yourself "a treat" now and then... and like I said being in Toronto it can really take a toll on not only your health but your wallet. I am kind of shocked when people talk about only a 1/2 bottle of wine per night... or as you say moving up to a bottle of vodka a week... to me that sounds moderate, but I know everyone has a different body type, weight, age etc. It scares me to think I can drink a half bottle of a 750 ml vodka (or more) in one night and not feel very drunk, just tired and fall asleep easy. I guess that shows that my problem is serious and I am right to try to make a big change.

[Lavande]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

Hi modereco,

Welcome, so glad you've found us!
We will be happy to support you on your journey & look forward getting to know you.
Please drop by the Newbies Nest' thread, lots of folks there just getting started & lots of good conversation

Wishing you the best!
Lav

[modereco]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

Thanks Lavande!

[mario]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

just like to say hi and :welcome: modereco :goodjob:

[redhibiscus]

newbie here... moderation vs. abstinence?

I too thought that alcohol helped me sleep, but after some AF days, I realized that I only sleep well without alcohol. Also, I relate to your anxiety about the amount of money spent on booze. Recently, I have gone out, been AF, and had a really great time. I find that my real self is better than the self that is under the influence. But, it has taken me time to come to this realization.

Make a plan and after some AF time, see if you notice the benefits I have. Good luck to you on your journey.:welcome: