No One believes you!

[LilyRose]

Hi, I am a problem drinker, have been for years. I am happily married (for now) with 4 children who don't have a clue, just wonder why mum is so tired all the time. I am never drunk in front of them, maybe rarely, they are worried why I am so tired all the tiime.
How do I give up when I'm depressed and this is my only source of happiness? Even my husband is starting to worry when I refuse to stop drinking on a night of binging cos he's had enough. I haven't had way near enough! Now I need to tell him, that maybe I am an an achoholic!!

[JackieClaire]

No One believes you!

Hi Lilyrose,

My 1st thought is that your husband already knows and is probably waiting for you to ask for his help.

When I told my husband his relief was obvious and he was so PROUD that I was actually going to do something about it.

Please let us know how you're doing. PM me anytime.

All the best.

Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

[queen of denial]

No One believes you!

from someone who has struggled with depression AL only makes that worse! Now after some AF time my depression is more mild not as severe. Read the different threads here esp the toolbox . it does take a while but i did learn to relax without the AL and to see all the excuses i used to use to drink even when i was home alone. On the edge of darkness by cathy/kathy? cronkite Walters daughter is the best book i ever read on the subject of depression and i have read a lot. I got it from my local library then later bought it and gave it to the only good Dr. I ever had in my life before he moved away to a diff state. I talked to my husband when i first started this and IMO the truth is always best. I told him i had tried to drink in moderation more times then he knew and i drank in secret always at home -No drinking and driving for me that was my brother who is on #6 BTW and will be going to court again soon) I asked him to get rid of all AL in house and it hasnt always been easy but he says i am more even-tempered and easier to live with since i stopped drinking..THe best part for me is how much better i sleep and to wake up clear headed no fog or hangover. Hope i did not go on and on too long about me i just really relate to what you posted. THe most important thing is wanting to stop so maybe make a list of all the advantages to stopping and think of how much $$ you can save (dont know about you but i have saved a lot of money by not buying AL-like others i would go to different stores so the clerks would not know how much i drank & i always had to go to recycle place so others wouldnt see all the empties! Let me know how you are
QoD

[LilyRose]

No One believes you!

Hi Jackie. how did you tell him? cos my hubbie keeps on playing it down even thou I tell him that I have a problem, and he just seems to be oblivious. I think he got the message tonight when I refused to go to bed cos I was too wired after a drink. I am still up after 2 bottles of wine?!!? Tell me now I don't have a problem? xxx

[JackieClaire]

No One believes you!

Hi Lily,

This is very hard for me to type, but it's all about honesty here.

Lily, Through a vast amount of snot and tears I basically begged him to help. I literally couldn't see a way out.

He was the one who rang my GP, took me, supervised my home de-tox and over the last 12 weeks has been my biggest cheerleader. (By the way he's not God, he just thinks he is)

Love Jackie xxx

[LilyRose]

No One believes you!

Jackie, my husband knows already,that I struggle with drink, but he would never do all of that. You are lucky that you have that outlet I think my husband would just store the info in case we divorced. He's never really cared about me like that, and I think that's half the problem.!!! I want to be loved and cared for, and he's so not like that. I drink to keep myself company. I will probably die doing it. xxx

[LilyRose]

No One believes you!

PS Having now read the latest posts, I thank you, QoD for your words of wisdom. I really have read what you have written and I wil keep it and read it over again. Thank you. xxx

[JackieClaire]

No One believes you!

Lily,

You're not alone now. There's a mountain of people here.

It's funny but I'm normally tucked up in bed, but I've had flu and my sleep pattern's all over the place.

Anyway I couldn't divorce my husband, cos he's a lawyer. And my kids have got a bucketful of lawyers for godparents.

I'll ask him about the drink/divorce/children thing. He's a family lawyer (legal aid).

Jackie x

[TranqWilly]

No One believes you!

think my husband would just store the info in case we divorced. He's never really cared about me like that,

Lily, sweets, love yourself first! There is no more fantastic feeling than being free of dependence. You've found a good place here.

[tawnywitch]

No One believes you!

just thought I would say hi to you all, such similar circumstances, I have hardly slept last night, AF for 4 day's now , but feel as if I have one hell of a hangover, such a bad headache. My husband know's I drink too much , he doesn't know I am doing this programme tho, I feel too ashamed to let him know that at last I admit to myself I have a problem,I don't kie to show weakness to him and I feel very weak about alcohol, my children, 6 of them have never seen me drunk,Ionly drink at night in the bedroom before my husband comes to bed, alway's half a bottle usually a whole one,then roll over and basically pass out I suppose, anyway, nice to chat at this time of the morning, going to try to sleep on the sofa for a while before the boy's all get up, stay strong all of ypou, it's another day and I think it's going to be lovely again in the UK, if you want to go to live chat ever let me know, love and hug's Tawnywich.

[startingover]

No One believes you!

Hi Lily, the drinking will be making your depression so much worse sweetie. I know that from bitter experience.
With regards to telling your hubby, yes its a hard one. For me, I asked for help, got it, and blew it time after time. I dont think he really thought I had a serious problem either.
In the end, it was down to me. Yes the support was there, but it was up to me to make a decision to quit and then start to heal. Over the months I have talked to Mr Starts more about my problem. But I have always been the type to deal with stuff, then share.

Tawny, that hangover you feel is a normal part of detox. Treat yourself as if you have dose of flu with mild painkillers and lots of water and rest even if you cant sleep.

Honestly, sobriety does get easier and more rewarding as time goes on.

[ChickenNumber3]

No One believes you!

Hi Lily!

Although my marriage seems soild now,there are times when I also feel strongly that my hubby does not care for me as much as I think he should or would like him too. Constant criticisim and a domineering atitude add to this belief,along with a general lack of compassion and interest in my 'situation'. As long as it does not adversly impact him, and I can put on a happy face, then all is well.

Therefore I do not share much of this journey with him. But there are times when I have wondered about whether he would use my alcohoism against me if we ever split? I will also admit, that this has been one of the many reasons why I have gone AF!

My children are my life!!!!

You are not alone in this struggle. But do it for yourself first!
All the best
Chicken

[Popeye]

No One believes you!

Dear LilyRose,
Is drinking your only source of happiness, or is it just a way of trying to escape your sadness?
It was for me.
I was not happy and drinking made me forget the reasons for a few hours, but it did not make me happier, just drunk. Eventually it became part of my unhappiness but by then I was hooked and I knew that I was an alcoholic.
My relationship with my wife and family suffered, but she never gave up on me. I gave up on myself and unfairly blamed everything I could for what I had become while knowing in my heart that the fault lies with me.
Growing up with an alcoholic mother has given me some insight into being on the other side; the side of the concerned family member. I am the eldest of five and for many years she lived and drank alone. Her reasons were her own and I never asked and she never offered, but I would have loved for her to come to me for help. She never did though, perhaps because by then I was well along the same path she had taken and perhaps she didn't think I could do anything.
The way our partner (if we have one) responds to our needs can depend a lot on their own. Perhaps there is a shame that they would rather not face unless the time comes when it is unavoidable, or, feeling helpless, they would rather have us try to deal with it ourselves. Hopefully, they will help in whatever way they can but if they can't help us, it's important not to make it a reason to give up on ourselves. We are responsible for what we do and if we have to do it alone, then so be it. All you need is inside you.
I hope you find your happiness.

[LilyRose]

No One believes you!

Back again

Hi everyone, sorry for wittering on that night....I've made huge steps really since then. I went last week 5 days AF and felt great. I've had a hard week this week so not so good. How are you all doing? Tawny Witch - how are you? When you say a bottle, is this wine? Anyway, going to be more regular here now, think it will help and thanks for all your support. AF tonight! xx :thanks:

[Opal]

No One believes you!

Hello Lilyrose.
Glad to hear your doing better. I find coming on here in the evenings helps me to stay AF. The support really does help.