October - Fight Club

[Determination]

October - Fight Club

Morning gang!

Welcome to the Fight Club Emmy! I am taking it ODAT at a time too.

Liath - good luck with the GRE!! How long do you have to wait until results come in?

Kimberley - I think you are on to something with the BPD.

Puddy - how did you do yesterday? How is the baclofen working for you?

I do have a meeting this afternoon at a cocktail lounge for a non-profit board that I am on. I know I will want a glass of wine....but I am going to order some sort-of a fun mocktail. I want to start the week out right.

[puddytat]

October - Fight Club

Um, I did not do well yesterday. Fell headlong in to roommates half-full bottle of Jack Daniels.
It's empty now. Time to ask her if she'll hide the bottles somewhere in her room. (I'll bet she will)

It's like, I posted, read the threads, started going through the taxes and bills, and all of the sudden was pouring a drink while, like, in a trance? does that make any sense? No. it's assinine!

Next 3 days will be at sisters house ... that will be better. will be easier to get some AF days strung together like pearls, as Chicken says.
Good luck with that coctail party Determination. Might be tempting to say you had a bottle of wine last nite, might as well keep going ... that kind of thinking always does me in.

Yesterday was such a waste! Time, Money, nothing got done in the stuporous haze ... NOTHING.

Beautiful weather here. fight on ... glad you're here. you guys understand.

[Determination]

October - Fight Club

Went to my meeting - wine was half price, so ordered a glass. After the meeting, I was planning on stopping to pick up a bottle - all kinds of rationalizations. But - then I stopped and thought about WHY do I want to drink this wine? It will make me feel bad - physically and mentally - it is empty calories...WHY? The reason I wanted to was boredom - but then I talked to myself - wine doesn't make boredom go away! What can I do instead.

So I drove home, made some soup (DH had the kids at soccer), worked out and enjoyed a very long bubble bath.

Since September was such a bad month for me, I just had to share this victory in the fight.

[redhibiscus]

October - Fight Club

Great job Determination. I am telling you, the craziness of drinking never ceases to amaze me. This is one battle you won and good for you. I love how you were able to rationalize that you did not need any more wine nad came home and took positive action. I know many times I would make committments, then in a moment of weakness start with my wine and just keep going. Then the regrets. It seems like you are really starting to gain the strategies to be successful and I am happy for you.

Puddytat, I hear sadness in your telling of your experience. I see progress in your journey cause you are being honest and questioning your actions, and for me, that is huge. It is a great idea to have your roomate hide the booze. Out of site, out of mind. We are here for you so keep trying and keep posting. I have been on this journey for a while but can know that over time I am drinking less and less.

[Determination]

October - Fight Club

Puddy - Just had to echo what Red said - she is so right that you are making progress in the fight by being honest and continuing to try to fight!

Red, Sparkle, Sunshine, Kimberley, Emmy and all the other fighters - how are you doing today?!

[cyntree]

October - Fight Club

Hey everybody - great stories - I am on day 2 (hopefully for the last time), and this morning took the recycling bin out, with every 'hidden' bottle tossed in there --- good riddance!!!! I feel great that all that bad energy is out of my home.

Good luck to all on your various tests, challenges, and getting through the day. I love the title "fight club" because it reminds me that this really is a fight to the core of our beings. Thanks for keeping me vigilant.

[puddytat]

October - Fight Club

Determination and RedH, thank you for kind words of support. it's hard to be honest ... not just admitting defeat, but also calls into question my original intent? I fully intended to stay sober... and hard to reconcile that 'promise' with my actions.

Hey, about that meeting -- be proud that you managed just a couple. Still a disappointment, totally get that, but give yourself credit that you didn't extend it any further.

Cyntree - welcome! oh, that recycling bin! glad it's chock full of the hidden ones, and good riddance for sure! glad you're here.

humble thank you for being here, everyone. Puddy

[redhibiscus]

October - Fight Club

Home after a pretty good day at work. I am always happy when Tuesday is over for some reason. Tomorrow is hump day and then it is Thursday, almost the weekend. I had a craving hit me out of nowhere tonight on the way home from work. In the old days, I would have stopped and purchased a sweet little bottle of wine, or two. Then drank till I passed out, while probably talking to my loved ones and making a fool out of myself. Then, waking up, feeling anxious, sweaty, horrible, and struggling through my day. I was able to think this through and come home and eat a little dinner. Lots of times I wonder if my blood sugar is low and I just crave food, not booze. So, I am having a nice evening and have a wonderful night's sleep to look forward to and feeling healthy in the morning. Yeah for staying AF.

[Kimberley]

October - Fight Club

Hi and a big WELCOME to Cyntree - glad you've joined the fight club - there is no membership fee luckily just the will to get better and support one another.

Red and Determination, congratulations on making good choices - it is so difficult sometimes but you have proved you have times when you CAN make the right choice and that goes a long way to showing you the way to doing that long-term. I keep telling myself this whenever I have slips. Hey I did 4 months AF before - I can and WILL do it again!

((((PUDDY))))) I just want to wrap you up in a blanket and give you a big hug! I have experienced the in-a-trance drinking as well and it is horrible. Not so long ago I was coming home from work and found my feet walking themselves into the off licence and my hands just buying a bottle seemingly without any input from my rational mind!

And when I can't manage to string a few days or weeks together I start questioning myself as well and wondering why I am even saying that I am trying when my actions contradict that. But you ARE trying -you are still here. You have the desire to change and that is the bedrock of it all. You just need to learn some strategies to back that up, I guess. That is what I am trying to do.

Anyway, I must go now as I have to get up. Day 5 AF for me and staying strong at the moment.

[Kimberley]

October - Fight Club

Oh and Emmy, I just read back and saw your post. BIG WELCOME to you too! You can do this!

[redhibiscus]

October - Fight Club

Kimberly, you are sounding stronger and more positive on day 5 AF. Good for you. It is cold and windy here, really turning into fall. I have to go to my closets and get out my winter clothes. To all, have a great day and I'll check in later.

[foxtrott]

October - Fight Club

I know it is the 7th of Oct but I want to commit to 30 Days AF - starting today. I have to make a plan for ways to get a handle on this....I have the MWO book and CD's. At the moment I can't find the CD's as I hid them so the family wouldn't find them, and now I can't remember where I put them.....I started L-Glut and am going to order some Kudzu.
I need to incorporate some excerise and some way to divert myself when I start thinking about drinking. I appreciate anyone's suggestions.
Foxx

[puddytat]

October - Fight Club

Hi all, Happy Hump Day (Weds) hope yours are going well?

Welcome Foxtrot!
L-Glut really takes the edge off a physical craving (for alcohol or sweets); try the powder directly under your tongue (sub-lingual) for a quick effect.
RedH is right about low blood sugar manifesting as a craving. Food especially, and L-Glut intermediately, can help straighten that out. Has helped me fight many a craving (BTW I don't give in to every craving throughout the day, but giving in to one is too many, and that is where I need better strategy.)

BTW RedH, really great job beating that craving at the end of a long day! thanks for the reminder of the blood sugar. that's a key one.

A brisk walk in fresh air is still such a wonderful exercise, especially in daylight to get some natural sunlight. (Bring a water bottle, lots of fluids) I don't have a dog, but borrow other ppl's doggies for a walk.

((( Kimberley ))) hugs back to you. thanks for sharing your understanding about the weird 'trance' feeling of leaving that old rational mind behind. someone else called it "robot-mode". And so glad you've got another 5 days!

I have signed up for a free online therapy group for learning these skills, where they send you lessons and you have to do homework (A bit like CBT)

- Kimberley, would you mind sharing the link for this DBT w/ lessons and homework -- I should take another whack at it. DBT is good stuff. Only prob I have is when I'm in overwhelm 'freeze' or 'flee' mode, I struggle to remember the strategy acronyms. it just flies away *poof* it's gone.

best to everyone. Puddy

[puddytat]

October - Fight Club

Sunni (Sunshine_gg) -- big congratulations on 60 days! :goodjob: so great to have you here.

[sunshine_gg]

October - Fight Club

Happy Humpday!

Good morning, all you brave fighters :boxer:

So good to see you all sticking close and trying your best. Very inspiring!
Kimberley, hun... how are you holding up? I also would love if you shared that therapy link! Foxtrott... congrats on committing to 30 days! It sounds soooo long right now...but it really isn't. You can do it! Determination, so sorry for mistaking you for Determinator in chat yesterday... you don't smell like garlic.. honest! :H Cyntree... welcome and congrats on day 2. Now come 2 tough ones, day 3 and 4 (at least they were for me). But you can make it through.. shout out if you need help. Puddy.. how are you doing? :l

While I have been AF for 2 months, I have not yet done any of the mental work. To be perfectly honest, I'm hiding out. Not, that I don't go out and see people... but I'm not dealing with much of anything otherwise. Bills are stacking up, so is laundry - and I just don't want to DEAL with it. Ya know? Anyways.... it's time to start dealing with things. So, therapy homework may be just what the doctor ordered.

Ok, and now I should get some work done... enough dilly dallying. Keep up the fight, everyone and have a fabulous AF day!