October - Fight Club

[cyntree]

October - Fight Club

Welcome, T's Hope - yep, we all have such similar stories.

1967 - Yes, I can definitely say that the first 5 days were agony - more like one minute at a time, instead of one day at a time. Here's the thing, I think - the early days are so hard, that's why I couldn't string enough of them together to get 'over the hump'. Thank goodness for feeling accountable to everybody on this site, I was able to get there this time. It really is worth it, and if you deny those 'cravy voices' they really do start to come around less often - 2 weeks ago, I wouldn't have believed it, I was so hopeless, but I'm telling you now - for me this has been absolutely true -- so Hang In There!!

Kimberley - wow, what accomplishments you're having each day - phenomenal - you are such an inspiration. (What's DBT?)

Determination - what beautiful words, thanks.

Be kind to yourselves - catch up with you tomorrow -

[Kimberley]

October - Fight Club

Hey where is everyone?? Sorry I haven't been about for a few days - I have spent almost every minute of non-work time trying to sort out the new house -got packing boxes everywhere, but it's all getting done. Felt like I didn't really have a weekend though - again! And next weekend I will actually be moving, so it should get easier after that.

Annoying, annoying things have happened again - goodness, it sometimes feels neverending - but I have allowed myself to be irritated for a moment then moved on to what I can do to sort things out. Sometimes it is nothing but a bit of patience!!

I hope you're all doing well!! Post soon!!

[1967]

October - Fight Club

cyntree;736259 wrote: Welcome, T's Hope - yep, we all have such similar stories.

1967 - Yes, I can definitely say that the first 5 days were agony - more like one minute at a time, instead of one day at a time. Here's the thing, I think - the early days are so hard, that's why I couldn't string enough of them together to get 'over the hump'. Thank goodness for feeling accountable to everybody on this site, I was able to get there this time. It really is worth it, and if you deny those 'cravy voices' they really do start to come around less often - 2 weeks ago, I wouldn't have believed it, I was so hopeless, but I'm telling you now - for me this has been absolutely true -- so Hang In There!!

Kimberley - wow, what accomplishments you're having each day - phenomenal - you are such an inspiration. (What's DBT?)

Determination - what beautiful words, thanks.

Be kind to yourselves - catch up with you tomorrow -

hi! thanks for this post!
gives me some hope... i have stopped for 4 months but caved then it was all over
i know it does get easier.
i am hoping that this time, since it is so much harder, perhaps it will make me all the more determined?

today i kept imagining an ice cold bottle of Pino and a single glass of wine.
goes to show you i am used to drinking alone. kinda sad.

someone also stole $100 bill from my wallet so i have to now recoup on 329$ including the theft of my itouch. anyhow so i left most of my cash at home, which forced me to forget the wine as i didn't have money. its a good thing as we got out of work early!

[cyntree]

October - Fight Club

I hear you, 1967. I was also a lone drinker, that was part of the whole experience.

I have adopted a technique I read from someone's thread - when I start to think of how good a drink would be, I immediately switch the image from something wonderful to something disgusting. The person who wrote about it said she started to envision her favorite beer as urine - horrible, with all sorts of germs and foul smelling. Since vodka was my drink, I now convert the thought of an alluring martini into a glass filled with kerosene and swarming with invisible horrible viruses. Yuk! It does seem to stop me from thinking that a drink would be pleasant.

I've found that if I am consistent about this, it makes the 'cravy voices' go away much faster, and I spend much less time in that exhausting mental battle...maybe it will be one of your tools in the arsenal....god knows we need as many as we can carry!

Kimberly - hang in there - everybody be good to yourselves - ODAT!

[redhibiscus]

October - Fight Club

Good morning everyone. I am currently fighting negative feelings, not booze. I am beginning to realize that I may have been drinking to cover up a general dissatisfaction with life or a negative outlook. I work in a very stressful environment, and yesterday, it just got to me. Normally, I can blow it off, but for some reason, lately, AF, I am having a harder time. Which is ridiculous. I am struggling with negative self talk, and this as I know from experience can lead to alcohol. I have to be careful. Thanks for letting me get this out as it has helped already to see my issue in black and white.

Wondering if many who struggle with addictions have this issue of negativity. Who said we make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven? Attitude does make a big difference.:h

Kimberly, sounds like you are really getting things done. Good for you. It will be so nice when you are moved in. I was thinking how much you are getting done being AF.

1967, a glass of wine does sound good, but taken farther, it will lead to more and more and all the stuff that goes along with it. Guilt, feeling sick, anxiety, at least that is what I am telling myself, and it does help.

Cyntree, I love the idea of thinking of alcoholic drinks as gross and disgusting instead of cool and refreshing. Good to hear from you and your helpful suggestions. I do need every tool that I can get.

Have a great day everyone and take care.

[Kimberley]

October - Fight Club

Hey all,

Just taking a break from packing to check in with you guys.

1967, I did just over 4 months AF as well but then have failed to get quite as much time under my belt since then- I wonder if it's a trigger point!!

If it is making you more determined, then roll with that. Use whatever works for you. I was also a alone-at-home drinker in later years.

Sorry to hear about your theft, but sometimes these things happen for a reason I guess. No wine money

Cyn, I like your technique. I use one where when I want a drink (or think I do), I think through the process of actually going and buying it and all the gulit I feel whilst doing that and then pouring it out, feeling guilty etc and usually by the end I realise I don't want a drink at all - I want something else, like comforting or consoling or less lonely or something similar. Its usually not a drink I want at all. Cutting out sugar has really helped my cravings though it was hell for a while!!

Red, good to see you back! Yes I get the negative feelings and self-talk. Over the past two days I have been feeling like I'd really like a drink. Not cravings, but red flag feelings. I have been doing so much recently and I'm constantly tired, fed up and irritable with my family. I thought about buying al on the way home from work. I didn't do it, but I was well aware of the thought being there.

I also have to be very careful, as I'm almost at the point where to say to myself, just for the one evening. Just let yourself for the one evening. You can start over in the new place. Bah!!! Massive red flag!! Any ideas on how to handle this anyone?

Catch up soon, take care. Back to packing!!

[redhibiscus]

October - Fight Club

Kimberly, I have been working on thinking it through, and on Saturday, really felt like caving, as I was tired and hungry. I thought up three future outcomes and chose the AF one. I was really talking to myself in the car and say stuff like, OK, if I buy wine, I will.....and feel sick, have to start over. So maybe that would help. It is hard when you are going through a big change like moving.

[Kimberley]

October - Fight Club

Hey all,
Thanks for the advice Red. I kinda used it actually and didn't drink - but, maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnn, I came close!

On Wednesday evening I had had a really hard day at work and I actually got off the tube a stop early to go to a different shop (where they don't know I'm a terrible alky!). But as I was walking to the shop I started to think about the next day. i knew I had important stuff to do, so I passed the shop and turned my music up load and strode on. Walking the extra bit home made it easier - a bit of time and space to myself. And Thursday I was glad I didn't drink, although it wasn't easy.

Then Thursday was good and then tonight I really wanted a drink again. Tried to think it through as I know I have to move tomorrow and get up early - would be hell with a hangover. I was almost annoyed that I couldn't have a drink, but I didn't have one anyway.

I am so worried that I am thinking like this - how long before I slip. I feel like I am a relpase just waiting to heppen. I am going to post this on the main boards as well as I am terrified of myself right now.

Still AF, though I wish I could be proud of that rather than feeling like I'm on a slippery slope :-(

Kimberly, I have been working on thinking it through, and on Saturday, really felt like caving, as I was tired and hungry. I thought up three future outcomes and chose the AF one. I was really talking to myself in the car and say stuff like, OK, if I buy wine, I will.....and feel sick, have to start over. So maybe that would help. It is hard when you are going through a big change like moving.

[redhibiscus]

October - Fight Club

Hey Kimberly, I know you can do it, ODAT, one moment at a time. I really craved again tonight, as it is Friday, I am beginning to recover from my cold, who knows. Again, I thought of feeling sick tomorrow and decided NO WAY. Not tonight. I will let tomorrow take care of itself. So I made it through another day. Thanks so much for sharing your struggles as I am amazed that I continue to struggle after a long while - 34 days and still so unsure of myself. Yet using the tools and thinking things through that I know I have to do. Keep posting and take care.

[Kimberley]

October - Fight Club

Red, 34 days :happy:!! Just brilliant.

[redhibiscus]

October - Fight Club

Good morning Kimberly,
Today is your moving day, right? Good luck to you. I know moving is exciting but difficult. So much work. But, AF, you will handle everything much more easily. At the end of the day, it is nice to reward yourself with something AF. I have been getting into flavored coffees. Hazelnut, Creme Brulee, Vanilla Biscotti - just something different. But I guess not at night because then I would not sleep. So maybe some sugary treat? Or pizza? Take care and have a great day.

[Liath]

October - Fight Club

Hi fight club!

Sorry I fell off the map. I got used to doing nothing but study for a few weeks there. I took the test and did well so it was worth the torment I guess. Now I am trying to get my grad school applications finished. Another big job. Well I still have a problem with AL (sometimes it seems alright and then it just ISNT) so I better start hanging around here again.

Kim and everyone-- I missed you guys! How is everyone? Kimberley is moving so probably sore and exhausted. Hang in there girl!

[redhibiscus]

October - Fight Club

Good morning. I am up way too early as I am so stressed out I can't sleep. Work, problem with my cats, visitors, and trying to feel better have just all pushed me over the edge with anxiety. I was really tempted to drink last night, but made no effort to go get any, and company did not either. I am very grateful to be AF but need to find that place of peace and harmony. Where did my trust in the Universe go? Need encouragement.

[Liath]

October - Fight Club

Red-

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. Maybe it would help to have a little time to yourself-- treat yourself to some chocolate or something, go for a walk and enjoy this beautiful fall day in the midwest, or pick up a good book. You may need some mental and emotional recharging to deal with the stress. As usual, we both know that drinking is not gonna help!

Take care,

[redhibiscus]

October - Fight Club

Thanks for your sweet reply. It helped to vent and I went back to bed. Woke up and just took care of stuff around the house and enjoyed my visitors. I am going to read a good book tonight and enjoy the peace of my quiet house. I was again really tempted to drink, but managed to get up, start cooking, eat a snack, and the craving went away. It would have been a mistake. I have to keep in mind that bad feelings pass.