I have been watching this site for a long time, wanting to get involved, because I know what I am.
I am not a violent drunk, nor a silly or stupid one. I have never been bad on my drink, yet I know that it is hurting me and I want to stop.
My story?
I started drinking when I was 14. At that time, my parents were very concerned with my brother's bad health, so I fell under the radar. My friend Daryl and I were getting goon very easily.
Then I was in a rock band, and drinking was the norm. I liked it.
Later, when I was 19, i came out. I am gay, and I splashed out with drugs and drink, as is the norm. I spent my whole twenties fucking myself up. I was the DJ in the leading Adelaide gay nightclub, having wild drug fuelled sex and boozy nights endlessly.
When I got sick of that, I landed myself a job with a huge hotel chain. I wanted to get out of the whole scene. I wanted to not be a speed addict anymore.
But the hotel scene proved even more boozy than the one I had left. We worked fucking hard, and played even harder - it further made me enjoy my drink.
I spent close to ten years by myself, alone, with no partner, drinking my loneliness away.
I drank and drank and drank - I could easily have died, it didn't matter to me. My mother died of ovarian cancer, and I drank so I could handle that. My brother was steadily dying from his complications, so I drank more.
Then I realised that I am alcoholic - I need booze.
I met a wonderful man, and I love him dearly. But I just cannot give up the drink. I want to and I know that it hurts him when I get pissed. The very last thing I want is to hurt this person, because I love him so.
I have a habit of hiding it from him, but he is never fooled, he always knows.
Can anyone here please give me some advice? I am feeling hopeless now, I feel that I am going to lose everything I want in my life because of this evil addiction.
xx
cronker
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