Just lookin for a little advice

[keg]

Hello there. I have been on here before but fell off the wagon big time and now I'm back. The longest I've gone AF was 9 days this summer. I know now that I have to go totally AF b/c there have been sooooo many times that I have told myself "you are just going to have 2 glasses of wine with dinner and then stop" ... and that NEVER happens. Once I get started, I CANNOT stop. But the 9 days showed me that I CAN do it. I would've gone longer than that but I went to visit my mother who loves wine and always goes to wine tastings, etc. and she offered me a glass the first night I was there and that just started the whole process again. I also belong to a Book Club with some wonderful ladies and we go out to dinner once a month. EVERYONE orders drinks and sometimes it gets rowdy. My question is should I stop going to Book Club in order to stay away from it? The problem is that I love their company and I love to read and talk about the books and laugh and let loose. But I know if I tell them all that I have stopped drinking, they will have so many questions and will not be the best influence on me. I know if they are my true friends they will understand and support me, but I guess I am just scared of my own willpower. Should I quit going and if not, does anyone have any advice about how to get through a book club dinner AF????? I have many other social situations like this that I am constantly a part of and I don't know how to stay focused when for example, i go to a PTA meeting at someone's house and there is wine flowing freely...should I just stay away from these things or change my friends or WHAT!!????

[Winefree]

Just lookin for a little advice

Until you get more AF time under your belt you might want to avoid those social situations. Once you are feeling more comfortable about being AF, you might feel better able to be around others who are drinking.
Always have a way to leave if you get tempted or uncomfortable. Work on phrases like I am not drinking today. When everyone else is drinking they sometimes don't even notice someone else isn't. It does happen like that. Read some of the other posts.

You did great on going 9 days. You can do it again. If I can stick with it anyone can. Keep on trying, it does get better.

Winefree

[JackieClaire]

Just lookin for a little advice

Hi Keg,

When I 1st went AF I sort of withdrew from my friends and social stuff using all sorts of excuses for a while. Swine flu being a good one.

I finally told by BF why. Instead of being horrified she's been nothing but support.

I would just say now that I'm on a bit of health kick when I go out socially. After that first no people don't seem to bother.

Being here and posting everyday is what keeps me going.

Hope that helps a bit.

Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

[Prest4time]

Just lookin for a little advice

People honestly do not think twice when you do not drink in the social settings where you have in the past. I've had people ask me, "are you not having a glass of wine too?" and there are so many easy, quick responses that I hear people use all the time who truly are NOT alcoholics. Many people who are not alcoholics choose to skip the drink due to the fact that it is not the most important thing to them (unlike us...lol). The reasons the others have stated are great. Another one is that you are on an antibiotic and you doctor said no alcohol while on it. Bad for the liver. If they say you dont sound sick, you can always blame it on a urinary tract infection... most women can relate!

The real question is can YOU be in those situations and not cave? If not... especially in the beginning, you could have a reason to not attend for the next month so you can get some time under your belt and then re-evaluate after that how you want to handle it long term. But I wouldn't quit the book club or PTA. Give yourself a break from it if need, but ultimately I think we need to keep the things we are passionate about in our lives and learn to deal with them. I dont think it is healthy to give up our hobbies and passions because we will be exposed to alcohol, although it is often necessary and crucial for a season in the beginning. I think once you stay AF a time or two in these situations, you will find it much easier after that. I think we have a tendency to make it out to be so much worse in our minds than it really is. BTW, I love my Book Club too... thankfully we meet over lunch once a month and so no one is ever drinking!

All the best to you

[Lavande]

Just lookin for a little advice

Hi keg,

Welcome back! You know what you need to do & I wish you the best!

I didn't go to any social events in the beginning. I just felt I needed some time to build up my strength & self-esteem. I finally realized that it really doesn't matter what you tell people but it really isn't any of their business Why not just tell them you feel better without AL?
Do whatever makes you comfortable because that's what's most important!!

Wishing you loads of strength.
Lav

[Zeppie2]

Just lookin for a little advice

Hi Keg - you may need to give up the bookclub for a couple of weeks until you get over the initial stages of being AF.
As most have said on here most people don't notice you are not drinking after a while. When I gave up al again I told people at the bar where I work that I was just having an alcohol free month - now two months al free no one even asks why I am not drinking, infact a lot of people said they should have a month off al too. Now if people are buying me a drink they arrive back at the table with lemonade, they really like this as it is cheaper than beer or wine

Good luck

[keg]

Just lookin for a little advice

Thank you to everyone!!!! It helps checking in on here and getting support. I HAVE TO DO THIS.

[Blanchieboo]

Just lookin for a little advice

Thanks Keg for that post. It really helped me too. I am starting a new AF week today. I have gone 7 days AF and had a few weeks of 4 days.
Thank you everyone for your great advice. This thread was one of those threads that clicked for me!