Do I really want out??

[franziasgone]

I am really questioning myself this morning.
I feel like two different people. Every morning I am strong willed, feel confident, I'm not drinking tonight.....blah blah blah.
Every afternoon/evening I start making excuses and you know the story.
I took my Bac last night (although too late) and then continued to drink a bottle of wine.
I feel okay this morning which is even more depressing. I think if I felt hungover I would be more apt to feel like quitting.
My son came for dinner last night ~ (which for some reason made me want to drink more) and I told him about MWO. He was so proud of me!! He hugged me and hugged me!! Now listen to this.......he wasn't proud because I was trying to find help for my alcohol problem.......he was proud of my computer skills!! :H
I said to him~ aren't you ashamed of my alcohol problem?? He responded "eh" and then hugged me because I was able to navigate a web forum......that's my son... ha.
So he tried to figure out why I can't get into chat but was unable. I don't know what the problem is. (He is a computer genius).

Okay.........this is way too long of a post and I'm rambling. My dilemma now is I don't know where to turn or what to do differently to achieve my goal of at least going more than 3 or 4 days (or 1) without opening a bottle of wine. I'm at a dead end.

Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.:thanks:

[Grateful]

Do I really want out??

Hi, Franz. I am new here - as far as posting, but I have been reading all the posts for over a year. Just don't give up - keep taking the BAC increasing the dosage as suggested and you WILL get to that point where you really don't desire to drink. Keep reading and posting here - everyone on here is so friendly and helpful and encouraging. I was still drinking while taking the BAC at first - but then, eventually, I realized I didn't feel the urge to have a drink. It was a miracle for me. It's only been a little over 30 days AF, but I feel great. I LOVE this place - it is so uplifting. Anyway, I hope to talk with you soon.

[christyacc]

Do I really want out??

I don't have any answers for you, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. Every one of us at one time or another has felt like 2 different people. The AM you, that vows 'today is the day!!! I will not drink', then there's the PM you that says, 'It's not that big of a deal. Just a couple won't kill you!' Ya, I have had those persona for about 4 years now.

Big hug to you for expressing how you feel, for raising a great son that isn't ashamed of alcoholism, and for being a new found computer guru!

I'm sorry I can't help you...but you aren't alone.

[franziasgone]

Do I really want out??

Thanks

I'm hoping to get to that point....I really didn't have that strong urge last night like I usually do- that's what's confusing me. It was like something was telling me I "should" drink.....
WEIRD??

[Milly24]

Do I really want out??

Hi Franzia
I am in the same position as you, mornings are fine, then comes 3 or 4 p.m. and its horrendous. I am going to an AA mtg. tonight, I realize I need more support. I love this site and will continue to check in.
Wishing you lots of strength tonight....I will be thinking of you.
P

[Grateful]

Do I really want out??

I understand that feeling....for me it was like drinking every night after work was what I did (my husband still does) and now what should I be doing? Of course, there are a lot of things I should be doing - but that habit......it's hard. So, I come home and pour a drink of diet cherry 7-up - my new drink. Then I have my sleepy time tea a little later. My new habits.

[christyacc]

Do I really want out??

franzia'sgone;735879 wrote: I'm hoping to get to that point....I really didn't have that strong urge last night like I usually do- that's what's confusing me. It was like something was telling me I "should" drink.....
WEIRD??

No, it isn't weird...I was battling it out with my husband last night, and I had a couple beers, didn't much feel like more, but of course I wanted to be hurtful, so I drank another, and told him I would drink 10 more because he pissed me off and hurt me. I left half of one.....What a bitch I am....

So, what I am saying, I guess I didn't completely feel 100% like drinking, but did anyway.

[propartychief]

Do I really want out??

Franzia,
You do want out or you would not be her and asking all the right questions !
I know how you feel.
I'm currently on day 9 AF.
It was tough to get this far but it can be done!
First make sure that there is NO AL in the house.
Do you have any of the supps? (L-glut,Kudzu)
I'm taking Campral but I hear great things about the Bac.
They have helped me tons!
Drink LOTS of water!
Keep coming here read and post your thoughts.

As for the Chat problems make sure that you have Java installed on your computer.
(it's a free download)

Much Love and Peace to you !!!

Bob :h:h

[franziasgone]

Do I really want out??

Thanks Christy ~
I read your thread and wanted to say "cheer up". I had a bad situation with my hubby a year ago (we've been married 32 years) and I actually ended up moving out. That's when I think I really started hitting the bottle~ mostly out of boredom- never lived alone before. My hubby was always the drinker- everyone knew it.
We worked things out and our relationship is better than ever, his drinking is better and my drinking is worse than ever.....

[Boss.man]

Do I really want out??

Franzia, stay with us. Yes you want out. Just keep reading and chatting.

For me, there was a realization that my drinking was increasing, but my body was decreasing it's ability to handle it. One book I read pointed out that a vast majority of problem drinkers actually solve their own problem over time. As they age, they get less money and less capability, and that tends to end the drinking. At the very least, when you move to the old people's home, they won't allow you a bottle. Only a little glass.

So for me, it's not a matter of "if", but simply "when". Sooner works for me, because there's still a few things I want to enjoy before I get to the "home", and they involve being awake and aware of life.

[franziasgone]

Do I really want out??

the home

Thanks Boss for making me laugh!
I can't imagine my boys caring for me when I get to that point......they'll stick me in a home and let someone else change my diapers and soak my dentures......
and maybe someone will hold a sippy cup up to my mouth with a little bit o wine........

[jeanieflan]

Do I really want out??

Hi

i'm new - what's BAC?

[Curious1230]

Do I really want out??

Habit has been my big driving force to overcome. Like someone said about the diet cherry 7up. I like Diet Squirt too.
I'm trying to make new habits, and of course, not having it in the house helps too.
Bottom line for me is I have to be ready because if someone else tells me I HAVE TO do it, I feel rebellious deep down and my brain says "oh YEAH????"
Childish perhaps, but deep down there's a child inside of all of us, right?

Hang with it, set realistic and attainable goals, then bigger goals... and so on.