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    #1

    How did it get so bad?

    Hi everyone! I am so grateful for this site!

    I have an issue with drinking right now. I drink until i am drunk everyday. I go to bed and wake up feeling horrible. I drink one beer before dinner and 3/4 of a bottle of white wine everyday. That gets me toasted. Sometimes I will call one of my drinking friends and have these intense drunk convos- usually a lot of bravado and telling of secrets i totally regret in the morning. I have three boys who I wake and grouchily get ready in the morning and off to school foggy headed and not present. I am married but seperating from my husband- who since I told (we still live together-I just told him) has ignored me, except for dumping cold water on me when I was in the shower. I guess as a joke. My financial life is totally rediculous. As an example, I spend $914 a month on "cash advance loans". I can't believe that i created such a stupid problem. My life is just totally out of control. Is it all because I drink each night? If i stopped drinking would my life really get any better? It feels like it is the only time I actually feel ok. Every morning I tell myself today i am not going to drink and smoke. Every evening I would make sure I have my beer and wine. everyday I have been drinking anyway. I am so sick of this shitty little life of my mine. I do the bare minimum to make sure my kids think i am happy and that they are totally take care of. I hide from them my drinking,financial and relationship problem. But deep down they problably know.

    Anyway, Sorry for the negative long post. I really just needed to get all that out and tell someone the truth about what i am really like.

    Love you!
    Tags: None
    #2
    How did it get so bad?

    You aren't alone Luckylady -- I know all too well how you feel.

    If you stop drinking your problems won't magically go away but you will have the strength to deal with them in a calm and focused manner.
    When I was drinking heavily it was to avoid issues or problems I just felt I couldn't face -- I call this my "ostrich syndrome" as Ostriches are notorious for sticking their heads in the ground when scared and thereby pretending that all is okay.

    Kudo's to you for the honest post.
    "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

    Comment

      #3
      How did it get so bad?

      Things will get better if you can stop drinking, Luckylady. It's not easy but it's so worth it. Give it a try just one day at a time. In fact, check out the Newbies Nest and ODAT. They are great places to start. Oh, I'm sure your children know everything that's going on. All the best to you and you have come to a fantastic place. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.
      When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
      -- Franklin D Roosevelt --

      Comment

        #4
        How did it get so bad?

        Lucky Lady, you are not the only person strugling with alcohol n smoke. me too. i have 2 days AF and everyday i tell myself i will quit both today, but everyday i failed too. but i never give up trying...hugs
        AF today

        Comment

          #5
          How did it get so bad?

          I found myself scared not to have my wine in the evening. What will I do w/ myself without my trusty friend? I know how hard it is to put down that first beer and your beloved wine. Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and you may be "self-medicating" rather then dealing w/ it. Stay around, read, post and start to take care of you. You will stop when you have had enough or are ready. This is the story of most people here. Everyone understands...
          AF since 2/4/10
          Nicotine free since 3/31/10
          FINALLY FREE

          Comment

            #6
            How did it get so bad?

            Hi Lucky and welcome.

            I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I have been struggling to stop and keep sliding down the slippery slope. One glass of wine that I "deserve" from taking care of the kids and my frayed nerves becomes nearly the bottle and then I am falling asleep drunk only to wake in a crabby mood unable to be my best. I am tired of being so tired and continuously making a fool of myself in front of my friends (and those I don't even know). I am always getting boozy when others seem to stop at 1 or 2 when I don't (or I should say can't). My husband, who does not have a drinking problem and easily stops at 1, turns a blind eye to my regular indulgences and accumulating bottles in the recycling bin.

            Anyway, I wish I had some pearls of wisdom to share but I am right in the same boat with you. I've been getting some strength and good ideas from this site and encorage you to stick around. Hopefully this is a right step in a good direction for both of us. There has got to be a better way without alcohol...:welcome:

            Good luck,
            LM

            Comment

              #7
              How did it get so bad?

              same

              im the same always making a show of myself cos i just cant say no or just know my limits ,its just so nice, then haveto go out the nxt day an face people knowing that they all think bad ov me and living with the guilt of behaving badly an out of character
              you are not alone believe you me xx

              Comment

                #8
                How did it get so bad?

                :welcome: Luckylady. Your story sounds a lot like mine in terms of the daily drinking. And the problems. And the daily broken promises to not drink that day. My drinking career spanned just over 30 years and it was DAILY drinking - with no days off ever - for much of it.

                With the help of My Way Out and AA, I am almost 1.5 years sober today. As Dee Bee said, my problems did not magically fix themselves, but I pulled my head out of....(sand is NOT what I had in mind LOL!). And then I could focus and start cleaning up my messes.

                It wasn't easy to stay sober for even a whole day at first. But it does get easier with time. And today my life is SO much better - it's like a different life, and I feel like a different person. To me, it is worth every inch of the effort it has taken to get here. I would not trade my life today for my old drinking life for any amount of money in the world.

                If I can, you can. This is a good place. Strength and hope to you as you find your way out.

                DG
                Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                One day at a time.

                Comment

                  #9
                  How did it get so bad?

                  :welcome: LuckyLady ~ I'm glad you found MWO , Your story is like everyone elses with a few minor tweaks here & there ~ Try ODAT . don't make any long term commitments , just One Day at a Time.. it does get easier and with each day , your head will be become clearer and you can rationalize better a plan .. First thing is to get all the alcohol out of the house ( thats what I did ) If I can do it , you can do it ! and don't fool yourself , your kids know exactly what is going on , my daughter told me last night how proud she is of me and proceeded to tell me that she could see my reflection in the french doors from where she sat in the morning watching TV , me pouring wine into my coffee cup !! I'm so ashamed of myself. THANK GOD those days are OVER:h
                  Non Drinker 9/09
                  Non Smoker 6/09
                  Tennis Anyone ?

                  Comment

                    #10
                    How did it get so bad?

                    Doggygirl;737504 wrote: :welcome: Luckylady. Your story sounds a lot like mine in terms of the daily drinking. And the problems. And the daily broken promises to not drink that day. My drinking career spanned just over 30 years and it was DAILY drinking - with no days off ever - for much of it.

                    With the help of My Way Out and AA, I am almost 1.5 years sober today. As Dee Bee said, my problems did not magically fix themselves, but I pulled my head out of....(sand is NOT what I had in mind LOL!). And then I could focus and start cleaning up my messes.

                    It wasn't easy to stay sober for even a whole day at first. But it does get easier with time. And today my life is SO much better - it's like a different life, and I feel like a different person. To me, it is worth every inch of the effort it has taken to get here. I would not trade my life today for my old drinking life for any amount of money in the world.

                    If I can, you can. This is a good place. Strength and hope to you as you find your way out.

                    DG
                    This is SO IMPRESSIVE! Really gives me hope! A year and a half sober? Amazing!
                    I hope to make it so far! Kudos to you!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      How did it get so bad?

                      Hi Lucky Lady,

                      Welcome! I DID give up my wine & smoke habits this year and my life is much improved - not perfect but much improved!

                      If you really want to, you can DO it too
                      Start by reading the MWO book (you can download it from the Health store).
                      Look in the Tool box (located in the Monthly Abstinence section) for good ideas to help you make your plan. Make a firm commitment and DO it!

                      Please join us on the 'Newbies Nest thread, lots of folks there just beginning as well.
                      We are all here to help you succeed!

                      Wishing you the best!
                      Lav
                      AF since 03/26/09
                      NF since 05/19/09
                      Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                      Comment

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