Operation October - week three

[FindingMyself]

Operation October - week three

Morning everyone,

LadyBird and Dill - the little laughing head is making me nervous, but I do trust both of you that "it's complicated :H." It has been challenging thus far, so imagine the challenge will remain and I'm glad to have the support of everyone here to carry on. :h

Welcome BP - congratulations on 2 weeks!

Off to work - hope everyone has a good day! Will check in later.

[lilmea]

Operation October - week three

Finding-You just hang in there with us. It's a challenge but you can do it.

[ladybirdheart]

Operation October - week three

Good morning or Evening and welcome Being Present. Your name is a good reminder for all of us; I know I can engage in all sorts of acrobatics to avoid awareness and most particularly the one we all have exquisitely in common. I look forward to learning about you. Hello, Lil, while I am not from the South my brain characteristically moves at a slight drawl and I see moss in the trees growing around my desk. I believe there is also medication for that but Lav has not yet recommended it for me. Have a good day (or evening) everybody and let?s not let anything external or internal lead us to drink. You are going to do really well here, Finding, and it's completely worth it, no reservations. I?ll check in later. Don?t be a stranger, Pea. Love, Ladybird.

[being present]

Operation October - week three

Hi all! A little about me... I am in my early thirties, single, have two animals and a good job. I quit drinking about three months ago for one month with idea that I would moderate when I started back. That lasted for just about two weeks and then it was back to drinking too much. I re-instituted my no drinking policy two weeks ago. My goal for now is to make it three months and then re-assess. I want to say forever, but that was just too scary, so I decided on three months. I started drinking when I was about 17 and haven't stopped since. I tried to quit several times before but was unable to. My entire social network and family consists of drinkers. The month I quit gave me confidence to know that I can indeed quit if I set my mind to it. I know drinking is a big problem for me and I am trying to get a handle on it. I am fully aware that a "handle on it" may indeed mean abstinence for me. I can't even begin to explain how many times I told myself I was going to just have one, or I was not going to get drunk, only to wake up glassy eyed and hung over. Drinking has not only taken a toll on me physically, but mentally as well. I started a blog to help me through this journey so if any of you want to know more about me you can read it. The address is myjourneytosobriety.blogspot.com.

Are there any successful moderator in this group? Just curious. What are your goals? Abstinence or moderation?

Thanks for letting me join. It really helps to have a group to be accountable to! I look forward to getting to know you all!

[Peanut]

Operation October - week three

Hi gang - finally getting a chance to catch up with you all. Had a busy weekend, and not terribly successful with staying AF. But reading all the posts here - I have renewed my determination!

Welcome to Being Present - your story has given me some motivation!!
LBH - I really liked the poem you posted - I wish that "she" were me!!!
Dill - good for you for getting back on the bus too - I'm going to join you!
Hi and best wishes to everybody else here too!!

I have a funny story to tell. On saturday while doing yard work, my neighbor tell me over the fence "do you know you've got rats?" I didn't know what the heck he was talking about, but said that my son had rats, but took them back to the person he got them from. Well, my neighbor described these two rats perfectly, they have been hanging around everyones back yard - on the white albino one hasn't been seen for about a month, but the other one is really friendly, etc. I of course stormed into my house and had to confront my son - who apparently just let them free in the back lane!!!! I couldn't believe it!!!! They've been out there for 6-7 weeks, through the snow (which is now melted!) and everybody has seen them except us!!! Poor things though - I think the white one is gone gone gone. My dog chased the little brown and white one out of the yard while we were trying to catch him, and then sunday morning, we could see him back there, so i managed to catch him in his cage, and now - I have a rat. He is rather cute actually - the tail creeps me out a bit though!! Not terribly impressed with my boy though!!!

OK - here's to a successful AF monday!
xoxoxo peanut

[tawnywitch]

Operation October - week three

dont you just love kids?

[Peanut]

Operation October - week three

Little darlings!!!

[Lavande]

Operation October - week three

Peanut,

I used to be afraid to empty the pockets in my son's clothing after he had been at Boy Scout camp for a week - once I was blessed with a TOAD

[dill]

Operation October - week three

Being Present, It's good you are realizing at such an early age that you need to work on this! You definitely don't want to spend the rest of your life drinking too much. For myself, I didn't start having a problem with alc until my 40's. I moderated with no problem until then. I was a daily wine drinker: one while cooking, one with dinner. I did that for many years, but somehow, in my 40's it started creeping up. I've been struggling with trying to control it for the past 10 years. This is the year that I got serious and joined MWO.

Finding, I didn't mean to alarm you with the laughing smiley! I just know that for me, I had this idea that I would go AF for 30 days and then moderate. It totally didn't work out for me. Then getting back on track was harder than I thought it would be. We each have our own path. I still struggle with the notion of never drinking again. It is a very ingrained habit for me.

Pnut, That rat story tops my mouse story!:H

I know I can engage in all sorts of acrobatics to avoid awareness and most particularly the one we all have exquisitely in common.

Oh, yes! Well said. You should have seen me today trying to get home from work without going to the drive thru! I tried to get my arms to turn the steering wheel to the right out of the parking lot, to go straight home, but failed. The arms turned the wheel to the left and took me to town and straight to the drive thru. Here's where the acrobatics really started! How to force my arms to keep the wheel straight and not turn in to that drive thru?! The epic internal battle raged and yet, to all on lookers, I was just a pleasant looking woman driving (with face, neck and shoulders rigidly set) slowly past the drive thru, going round the block and heading home. I think I mustered up some of that Lav-attitude at the last moment. There also may have been a guardian angel in the car with me.

[Emmy]

Operation October - week three

Happy Monday Everyone :l

I am doing "ok" , I'm confident that I will finish my goal of AF for 30 days . I haven't a clue what to do after that .. hmm , may be celebrate with a glass of chardonnay I have a really hard time wrapping my head around NEVER having another glass of wine. I'm befuddled, anyhow , I'm reading Alan Carr's book , hopefully it will trigger something in this thick head of mine . I appreciate and am so thankful for all of you. Reading your posts has become a part of my daily routine :thanks: Well , I'd better get back to work. Everyone stay safe&healthy ! :h Em

[Pamina]

Operation October - week three

I'm so glad you won your battle today, Dill, but you have to explain what a drive thru is???!! A place where someone loads your car with booze without you having to get out of it??? Anyway, that internal struggle absolutely sucks. As you know, it does get easier the longer you keep at it. If ever you feel the '$%^&* it' thought pattern coming on, spend the day on MWO and post your heart out. That steering wheel will eventually get the point and go in the right direction. :l

BP :welcome: I agree it's great you've decided to tackle this problem in your 30s - so much more life to enjoy sober. The process takes time, though, particularly when it comes to the abs/mods question that many here ask themselves. If you know you're physically addicted, there's not much choice. If you think you might not be, you'll have to find what works for you. I too moderated successfully for a long time but embarked on more frequent binges during the past 8 or so years and managed to set up a psychological dependency I've spent the past 17 months tackling. I've discovered what works for me is a. total abstinence and b. predominant abstinence i.e. abstaining 98% of the time IF my life is stable. What does not work at all is drinking if I'm stressed out. I've had stable periods over the past year where I'd have a drink once in a blue moon without incident. I also found my tolerance had gone way down and I'd actually follow my body on how much to drink, which was very little after which I'd want to stop. That pattern doesn't hold up if I'm anxious. Anyway, the point being, it's an individual journey for each of us but the main thing is getting started so you can work out what your relationship with AL is like and whether you want to hang onto any bit of it or let go, as LBH's poem so eloquently puts it.

I'm not sure why I'm prone to writing essays these days, but now I have to do some work before bedtime. Hi to all other bus riders - Red hope your work went well once you got started, and Pea, I'd never manage a RAT in the house, the odd mice freak me out - have a good evening.

[ladybirdheart]

Operation October - week three

For those of you who remember Dr. Strangelove’s hand, that is what I thought of when reading Dill’s story of her drive home. We are a funny species aren’t we at least when things turn out the way Dill made them turn out today. What a struggle can go on beneath our mild surface. You go, girl, and let’s trust our Pam that it will get easier. Being Present, when I was working on my thirty days in August, I “knew” that someday I would drink at least one more time. As I didn’t know if it would be one drink or a whole lot of drinks, I waited a couple of more weeks until I was in a situation where no matter what happened when I primed the pump I would not be able to do anything that was not moderate. As such I moderated. What I tried to convey to Finding, however, is that the results of this felt confusing and ambiguous, and while I am not sure I can articulate as yet what I felt it wasn’t OK. It kept building in the alcohol free days that followed, not cravings in the usual sense, but instead a vague sense of both permission and (please forgive the drama) what I can only describe as doom, that I no matter what I did, it was only a matter of time until I got drunk. And I did. Not a big drunk, just a little one and then I stopped. I did exactly the same thing this month with exactly the same results. We are all different but that’s where my experience with moderation seems to get me. Not what I had in mind. So here I am not drinking, much more peaceful and clear. Love, Ladybird.

[dill]

Operation October - week three

Well, friends, the happy result of my battle to gain control of my limbs and guide my car past the drive thru and safely home is that I am sitting here contentedly by a woodstove with a clear head. And, one of my favorite things in the world is just around the corner: going to bed sober! So worth the struggle!

Pamina, here in Ohio, USA, we have beverage stores that you can drive through to buy soft drinks, beer and wine, without getting out of your car. You just tell the attendent what you want, pop the trunk, pay and go! Quite convenient. Of course, that can be a bad thing, at times!

I wish you all a peaceful, sober evening. Hello to you, Sooty, if you are able to peek in! You too, Cyntree!

[being present]

Operation October - week three

Hey everyone! Thanks for all the input.

Ladybird, I understand what you mean about the doom feeling. I have that when I think about moderating. Like maybe I can do it for a while, but eventually I will end up drunk again and possibly back drinking all the time again.

Dill, well done on making it home w/out AL. Why is it so hard sometimes?! I will never understand. I just know that you are right, I don't want to spend the rest of my life drinking too much. This past year as my grandfather was dying, I asked him what his biggest regret was and he told me all the time he wasted drinking.

Pamina, thanks for your advice. I would say my relationship with AL has been love/hate and recently the hate is way more predominate!

I hope everyone has a great sober evening!

[Lavande]

Operation October - week three

Good evening friends,

Lord, what a Monday huh?
I just spent 6 hours watching our 10 month old grandson & I'm about ready to drop! He didn't stop moving, not for one second..........oh, to have that kind of energy!!

Dill, I never heard of a drve thru until my daughter decided to go to the U of Pittsburgh at Johnstown - they have drive thrus out that way.........what a splendid thing to have in a college town????!!!! I'm glad there are none in this end of the state & there is no beer or wine sold in the supermarkets here either
Whether is was Lavan-ittude or a Guardian Angel guiding you today - I'm very happy to hear you won the battle. A big gold star for you today

I'm going to throw this exhausted body in bed soon........ahhhh!
See you all tomorrow!
Lav