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    #1

    Getting moodier and moodier...

    Hi all,

    Haven't been here in a while. Haven't managed to stop drinking, but it's become a lot worse over the past few months. In particular, it got worse during my stressful "so called" relationship. I say "so called" because relationships are meant for relating and we didn't do any of that.

    Over the past few weeks or months, i have been drinking 1/2 - 1 bottle of wine per night. I know it's really bad and probably a familiar story to most of you here, but i found myself hanging out till 5pm (pre-dinner time), when i could get my bottle of wine and pour my first drink. That was all i looked forward to every night. By 7pm i was drunk most nights.

    Well, i have become increasingly violent and aggressive on alcohol. I have caused thousands of dollars of damage to things i have smashed (including my ex partners laptop). Last night, after another fight with the ex (bad relationship), i accidently smashed a window in the bathroom, which will probably cost me $200+ to have fixed. Another expense.

    Anyway, i am trying very hard not to drink. I don't think i can be in this relationship because i need to sort things out and the ex is what made me drink in the first place. I pretty much it rock bottom in that relationship, and i've certainly learned not to rely on anyone with regards to giving up or help. The ex certainly taught me that... Self loathing and realizing i was compromising myself also led to me drinking.

    Tonight is my first night not on alcohol in weeks, or possibly months. I don't feel so bad but feel really tired. Is this normal? I know this is going to be hard, part of me wants to give up, but part of me can't be bothered. I am hoping not to drink tomorrow night and if i do, it will only be one beer.. This relationship has been really bad for me, abusive (and i have done it too) and i want out. I know that i drink because of stress and because i have no higher purpose in this life. I have been feeling really SAD lately and am particularly sad when i don't drink. Agh, i guess i have to face that in order to move forward

    Sorry, just venting i guess :ranger

    Thanks for listening.
    One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!
    Tags: None
    #2
    Getting moodier and moodier...

    :welcome: back. It is so sad to hear about your abusive relationship. That should never be tolerated by anyone.

    I am back after several months away from MWO and heavy drinking. I need to stop as I am unable to moderate. I need to keep coming back on a regular basis. And learn from others.

    Com
    Com1

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      #3
      Getting moodier and moodier...

      Hi Col,

      Come and post here as long as you need to My abusive relationship was me being overtly abusive, whilst the other person was covertly abusive. I can only take responsibility for my part in it.

      On another note, i had this strange feeling tonight: i decided and wanted deep within my soul to have a healthy relationship one day soon and i am determined to do that...

      (oh gosh, as soon as i posted that, i got a sudden urge for al).
      One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

      Comment

        #4
        Getting moodier and moodier...

        On a funny note: i was musing to myself that i am now at the stage where i rotate bottle shops because i am paranoid the staff will recognise me. How sad is that?!
        One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

        Comment

          #5
          Getting moodier and moodier...

          Change;741508 wrote: On a funny note: i was musing to myself that i am now at the stage where i rotate bottle shops because i am paranoid the staff will recognise me. How sad is that?!
          It's more common than you think. I did this for years.
          ~Q

          Comment

            #6
            Getting moodier and moodier...

            Hi Change,

            Welcome back! You've done the right thing for yourself.
            I am sorry to hear about the abuse in your life, that needs to stop!

            Why don't you start by rereading the MWO book. Look in the Tool box (in the Monthly Abstinence section) for good ideas to help you make your plan. A good plan is essential to your success - you won't get anywhere flying by the seat of your pants

            Please feel free to join us on the 'Newbies Nest' & Monthly Abstinence threads too for lots of support & understanding. For now just take it one day at a time until you are ready to set your goals.

            Wishing you the best, we're here to help!
            Lav
            AF since 03/26/09
            NF since 05/19/09
            Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

            Comment

              #7
              Getting moodier and moodier...

              Change;741508 wrote: On a funny note: i was musing to myself that i am now at the stage where i rotate bottle shops because i am paranoid the staff will recognise me. How sad is that?!
              I do that all the time!

              Comment

                #8
                Getting moodier and moodier...

                Change,

                I understand completely your situation. I understand that you basically seek an understanding of "yourself", your higher purpose. Well... it's not letting someone else control your emotions, bringing you to the point of complete insanity and breaking things. That is toxic, toxic to you. Try to keep your emotions in check and work on yourself. Do things that make YOU happy and make YOU grow inside. Think about what YOU like to do and make plans to do it. I know this from experience....you will never be in a healthy relationship unless you are "healthy" in mind, body and soul. So....work on what you like and what makes you happy.

                You know you have to change and move forward. You can't stay in an abusive relationship. The sooner you start to make some changes, the better things will become. Like my saying below reads....Nothing changes if Nothing changes....so just make a plan and just do it. Come here for support, you will learn alot and learn how to deal with many of lifes harsher moments.

                Take care.

                Everything I need is within me!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Getting moodier and moodier...

                  Qwerty;741713 wrote: It's more common than you think. I did this for years.
                  ~Q
                  Yup, me too. Pretty tricky around here though, small island!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Getting moodier and moodier...

                    Me too Change... I can relate a lot. Its is very hard, but you are headed in the right direction. I just got out of the hospital, you can read my story here

                    Thanks for sharing and feel free to comment me any time! Thanks

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Getting moodier and moodier...

                      brightlite;741845 wrote: Change,

                      I understand completely your situation. I understand that you basically seek an understanding of "yourself", your higher purpose. Well... it's not letting someone else control your emotions, bringing you to the point of complete insanity and breaking things. That is toxic, toxic to you. Try to keep your emotions in check and work on yourself. Do things that make YOU happy and make YOU grow inside. Think about what YOU like to do and make plans to do it. I know this from experience....you will never be in a healthy relationship unless you are "healthy" in mind, body and soul. So....work on what you like and what makes you happy.

                      You know you have to change and move forward. You can't stay in an abusive relationship. The sooner you start to make some changes, the better things will become. Like my saying below reads....Nothing changes if Nothing changes....so just make a plan and just do it. Come here for support, you will learn alot and learn how to deal with many of lifes harsher moments.

                      Take care.
                      Thanks for your post Brightlite, brilliant
                      One day at a time.. Sometimes it's one minute or one second at a time.. Most important thing is to look ahead and don't look back!

                      Comment

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