Something like Grief................

[Suni]

It suddenly struck me today as I took a walk alone in the local town on Day Seven AF that what I was feeling as I was walking along the road was something very close to grief. I am going through a grieving process! I wonder if anyone else has felt this?

The pink cloud of euphoria I enjoyed in the first two or three days has been replaced by a sinking feeling of hopelessness and the loss of a good ?friend?. And you don't need to remind me that AL is of course not my good friend.
So I guess my choice is to accept the pain associated with my loss and just ride it out because the alternative of going back to my old ways is not an option. It?s a thought I don?t want to entertain and I only hope I can keep thinking this way. I want to develop a zero tolerance policy for relapse.
I think grief is part of the process we must go through to get to the other side ? to fully recover.

I can also report that, of course, my mood changed as the day progressed.
Last night was the first night out with a pair of close friends for dinner. When it came time to meeting them I got nervous or shy or something inside and a little stressed but I decided to ?act as if? everything was A1 normal-which is my usual strategy, plus a little positive self talk ?Come on woman -you don?t have recovering addict written on your forehead! What are you afraid of? Just do what you normally do. Be yourself.?
Normally we?d all imbibe in some wine but I was driving so I didn?t even need to explain my not drinking to them. I chose a nice dry non alcoholic aperitif.
When I got home I felt elated that it wasn?t half as bad as I expected.
Then later there was lots of REM sleep. Maybe it was the truffles?
In a better frame of mind today, but I know that if I have another day like yesterday - it too will pass. Nothing lasts forever. :thanks: for listening.
Suni

[My New Beginning]

Something like Grief................

Hi Suni
I agree, giving up alcohol is like giving up a good friend. I have mourned the loss of alcohol and I'm not quite there yet, (20 days AF this month)but I'm still trying to let it go. I do believe that we go through a grieving process; I know I have and still am going through it but it's getting much easier as days go by and I am looking forward to recovery. It takes a long time, but I'm going for it.
Best to you, Suni

[redhibiscus]

Something like Grief................

Welcome to MWO. :welcome:
Yes, grief definitely is a part of being AF. We have to remake our lives totally. At least I did. I spent so much of my time drinking, feeling horrible, and recovering, that when I attempted to change, I found I did not know what to do with my time. I felt empty, scared, angry, and tried to moderate, bargining. All the grief feelings. Now, over time, it has become natural to not drink. Drinking is the unnatural thing. But I am still so cautious and know that the first drink could send me spiralling into another period of drinking, feeling horrible, and recovering.

Change has happened slowly over a period of time for me. As I have more successes, I feel more confident that I can plan and handle the next situation. The wonderful thing is feeling your feelings, even if they are not all good. Numbing them with alcohol is not really living.

[dancelot]

Something like Grief................

Hi, Suni -

I had the same experience, and it really caught me off guard. It was the totally unexpected. In hindsight though, I think maybe it was a good sign - that I was truly serious about giving up drinking, and it was no longer an option to have AL in my life. I really feel this was my "last chance", and that meant giving up a part of my life that had been there a very long time (all of my adult life).

I liken it to the "bad boyfriend" scenario that most young (and sometimes older) women go through at some point in their lives - the one that makes you cry the hardest, but "he can be so-o-o sweet, I lo-o-o-ve him"..... and this is the one that's hardest to let go of.
You remember the good parts, but conveniently sweep the bad parts under the rug. Problem is, they always come back out. Eventually (hopefully) you grow up and see the truth and are able to move on.

Also, congratulations on day 7 AF! Keep your awareness of your feelings, enjoy your clear thinking mind, keep being honest with yourself - I wish you much success on your journey.

Much love! :h

[Lavande]

Something like Grief................

Hi Suni,

Congrats on your 7 AF days, that's great

I went through the grieving process too but it really didn't last very long, decided I was much better off without AL.
Unfortunately, I am still grieving the smokes - even after 5 months! Drives me crazy every day. I'm trying to apply the same thoughts & tools, but somehow this quit is just different.

You hang in there because things will get better & become clearer for you every day. Focus on all of the positive things happening in your life

Lav

[Suni]

Something like Grief................

Thanks Guys.
You're all right in what you say.
Dancelot
[QUOTE]I had the same experience, and it really caught me off guard. It was the totally unexpected. In hindsight though, I think maybe it was a good sign - that I was truly serious about giving up drinking, and it was no longer an option to have AL in my life. I really feel this was my "last chance", and that meant giving up a part of my life that had been there a very long time (all of my adult life).

It caught me off guard too. It was the last feeling I expected but at the same time even as I was feeling it I knew as you say, that it was a good sign. I am truly serious about giving up and not even considering modding as an option. It was a bit heartbreaking saying goodbye to the old boyfriend. But hey, 35 years was a good innings. Now it's the end of he road. I'm moving on to better things. He no longer serves my needs and I have nothing to offer him either!
Awarenessis the key. I am not even going to be afraid of temptation either. Only giving in to it!

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Something like Grief................

Good for you Suni, well done on many levels, 7 days AF, getting in touch with your true feelings about how you really feel, the way in which you handled the night out and of course coming here and sharing this and seeing it in black and white on the page. You are doing really great keep up the good work.

[lilmea]

Something like Grief................

I did experience a kind of grief, mixed with a lot of fear, when I first went af. I've seen others on here compare it to the lose of a lover. Some have even written 'good bye' letters to alcohol. It all part of the recovery process. It's been nice for me to come here and find out others are experiencing the same things I am and I'm not 'alone'

Congratulations on 7 days. Hang in there and keep up the good work.