Operation October - week four

[FindingMyself]

Operation October - week four

Hey Mica, cross posted. Laugh yoga sounds interesting! Let us know what you find out.

[ladybirdheart]

Operation October - week four

It is great to have new people joining this thread; we all need to hear each others voices; we never know when something will “click” and plant a seed that saves our lives. Sorry so many of us are sick; tuck yourselves in deep; the viruses that are going around this year are mean. I had an early version and the cough still lingers some days; it can really drag one down emotionally. Speaking of that, I went out late Sunday afternoon to find that something, a large bird perhaps but more likely a clever fishing pussy cat, had caught a number of my tame pond fish. Winter was in the air; the beautiful garden was at the dying back, dreary, but not peaceful stage; and I just sat down by a dead fish and bawled. :upset: I have to steel myself against the sort of thoughts that can become second nature to me e.g. “what’s the point”. It is very easy for me to go there and the bottom line that looms is “I’ll never get through this, I will drink until I die”. Yesterday I decided to do something I had control over and cleaned my dining room. Not sure why I started there. I washed the windows, I washed the walls, I took apart the chandelier with the five billion tiny crystals, I polished the silver, I polished the brass, I cleaned out all the cabinets and washed all plates and glasses, I took down the artwork, I steamed and resealed the old wood floors. It probably sounds hideous but it helped me a lot. This house is crazy; how can a little seventy year old house have twenty-four windows and twenty one doors? I was happy to find that yesterday I also got an order from Amazon (and Dill, I forgot to include the Olbas!) and it had CDs to help with cognitive behavioral change. I adore the MWO hypnotics, and I listened to the first one of these new ones and it was quite complementary. I have decided to create the luxury of taking one of my three “witching hours” and dedicating it to recovery by listening to one of these or engaging in another meditative task. Changing my thought patterns is key for me right now. Heavens, sorry this is so long. Wanted to weigh in on the “name game” also but words starting with “n” flooded what passes for my mind with all sorts of silly, inappropriate things. After I filtered it little remained :H, but to get you thinking if you have not already decided, perhaps something to do with network; new life; no nonsense; no regrets; Navy(sailing out of the booze); navigate etc. Gotta go. Hi, Mica. Good going Lav, you "da bomb". Love, Ladybird.

[Peanut]

Operation October - week four

Morning All,
I didn?t sleep to well last night ? no sleep aid, as I don?t want to depend on them too heavily ? but at
least I am not hung over. I actually did have thoughts of wine last night but put them down!!! I think
your quote says it all, Dill, about not letting yesterday use up today. That?s what happens when I drink too much ? feel rotten and can?t do anything and my exercise routine goes out the window. Because I felt good yesterday, I had a fabulous, strong 2200 metres swim last night. I must remember how I feel when I go AF, which is what I was telling myself last night steering my van home, away from the wine store. And despite being a bit tired today, at least I am not hangin?. Today is day 3 in a row for me, a hard day for me, and I WILL STAY AF!!!!!!!

By the way Dill, your wine habit sounds like mine, except I don?t usually start until about 10pm, so I have always been sleep deprived on top of hungover. Also not drinking in public anymore, as I have made such an ass of myself, drunk driving (makes me cringe!!), so only drink wine at home. Slowly changing my ways, making my way out too ? not directly, not in a straight line, but a great improvement over my past behaviour .

Lav ? a big congrats to you on seven months. You truly are inspirational, you know that???? Thanks for the mushroom soup link (?) ? I?ll check it out. My son attempted home made mushroom soup last week ? he?s on a learning curve. All my green tomatoes seemed to turn red suddenly this past couple days, so yesterday I made homemade tomato soup for supper. Delicious!!!!! I have the last bowl with me for my lunch today!

Let?s see all those viruses disappear, toute suite. Both computer and people viruses!!! There are some nasty ones going around, and I fortunately have steered clear of them all so far. Must stay strong and healthy, get lots of exercise and eat well (stick with ?unfermented? grapes!!)

Sooty ? great job handling the bus . You?re doing great, I?m sticking with you.
And Mica ? hmmmm... laugh yoga. That just might be the key to brightening up these gloomy days. That, and a bit of sunshine might be nice!!!! Hope your step-dad is ok.
Lil ? I saw that piano steps video on Facebook. Alot of work putting that together, but what fun!!! And it did work to make people take the stairs rather than the escalator!!
Hi to Finding - get baking you!!! You gotta try those cookies!!
Red - hope your meeting goes well. Congrats on the weight loss. The only way I can lose any weight is to cut out wine (and that after work cheese habit), even with running and swimming. All that sugar and the effect of alcohol on our metablosim and body function makes losing weight almost impossible for me!!

LBH - hope you are cheered up by your sparkling clean dining room. A good choice of activity and one I should consider doing. You are not alone in your thoughts on drinking ? that feeling that it is just too hard, why bother, I am never going to win this battle, etc etc etc. I?m sure each and every one of us go through that or at least have been through that (past tense) ? those are the times I tend to slip and just give in. But you are not giving in, not giving up the good fight ? so you are winning, right???? Gotta think of the positive outcomes and the successful days. I haven't been that great this month, but my successes are way up in number compared to last month!

This is kinda long. I suppose i should get some work done around here, eh????
Have a terrific tuesday, peeps!
xoxoxo peanut

[Dragonfly123]

Operation October - week four

OK. I'm getting that the regular posters here cook and clean a lot. Which would help me because I don't like to do either! So send some of those cookies and soup and cleaning the house my way, please.

Dill, I can relate to your last post. Yup, stay at home, drink alone, try not to drive. Say I'm going to stop, for years now. I do understand that I AM insane, now that I know what it really means.

Thankyou to everyone who has welcomed me. I know you can help me, I hope I will be able to share and perhaps help you-all. Even if it's to say "wow, I remember when I was where SHE is, and I'm glad I'm not there anymore..."

Oh, no. No lack of confidence or self-esteem here. Have any of you found that improving with quitting??

I'm 7 days AF (if AF means alcohol free, I don't know, I'm assuming and you know what that means...).

[Lavande]

Operation October - week four

Good evening October friends,

Reporting in from the land of darkness & dampness......oh, my aching bones! The weather is not scheduled to give us relief anytime soon.

Tuesday was good, tomorrow is Sooty's favorite day 'Humpday'

Hello to Mica, Finding, LBH, Pnut, Dill & all to come.

Seems like I got a lot of people interested in mushroom soup.........here's the recipe I use (I do reduce the fat content though):
Kennett Square Mushroom Soup - 140843 - Recipezaar

Dragonfly, I do enjoy cooking, baking, etc. now that I have more time. I also find planning things much more enjoyable with a clear head. Last February, when I joined, my thinking was as clear as mud!!
Congrats on your 7 AF days (yes, alcohol free). You will enjoy everything improving in your life as time goes on, honestly

Well, I wish everyone a good night!
Lav

[redhibiscus]

Operation October - week four

Checking in after work.
Dill, I also drank an extraordinary amount of wine on a regular basis and had it totally rationalized andjustified in my mind. Looking back, I am stunned that I was in that much denial, because for me, it was denial. Because of the drinking after work, I rarely made plans or did much. I mean, I did not want to risk being seen or doing something stupid. Isolation appears to be a part of the whole pattern. Thanks so much for sharing your dark night of the soul thoughts.

lilmea, I appreciate your support. findinmyself, mica, sooty, lavande, it is great to hear from all of your today.

Well, my meeting went as expected, nothing resolved, and everything to put up with, so I am not too happy. It looks like I will have to live with working with a difficult person, so I am going to get those books about difficult people as soon as I can get to the library. I am telling you, I can look for another job but it looks pretty bleak out there, and I am grateful to have a regular paycheck as my hubby's career has hit an all time low. We are just surviving, at a time when we were planning to save bigtime for retirement.

On the positive front, I am feeling better and better, and Tuesday is over workwise. Tons of people where I work are sick or getting over a bug. Soup and self care is the only way to go. And that includes being AF. Strength and Hope to all on this thread.

[redhibiscus]

Operation October - week four

Hi to Dragonfly and Peanut. :welcome:

Peanut, my experience is after being AF for a while, I sleep 8-10 hours a night most nights a week. But it took more than a week of AFness. Sounds like you take care of yourself well, except for the alcohol.

Dragonfly, great job on 7 days AF. Please give ourself alot of credit for that. It is not easy, and it took me along while to do 7 whole days AF. :goodjob:

LBH, those negative thoughts are a habit and hard to change. I have thoughts like that myself from time to time, and find that the thoughts and the uncomfortable feelings are triggers for me too. I am trying to learn that those feelings pass and I loved your strategy of supercleaning. Sounds like you have a lovely home. Thanks for sharing. Take care.:l

[cyntree]

Operation October - week four

I'm still here - still AF, (day 23) but with some white-knuckling -- going through many many 15, 16 hour days - I'll be back on regularly soon - sounds like things have been really interesting -- I do a 'virtual' mental checkin with the group soooooo often. Try to get/stay well, and know that you are all in my thoughts!

[Dragonfly123]

Operation October - week four

Hello all! Thank you Lavande (send me some recipes!) and thank you redhibiscus for the pat on the back. It means a LOT!!!

I'm having trouble sleeping. Have you guys found that? Sounds like it from some of the stuff I've read. What do you do about it? Any ideas?

Thanks, E

[sooty]

Operation October - week four

Morning all and let me be the first to say Happy Humpday :H
It makes me so amused to say that, I'm grinning all over my face so thanks for ever telling me about it Lav - and for the soup recipe, it does sound good, if rather calorific so I think I'll be trying to reduce the fat content too.
Sorry didn't get back last night, went out after class and was somewhat tired when I got home.
Red I'm glad you're feeling better though it sounds like things on the work front aren't going to improve for a while at least - I'm off shopping soon and am going to get myself some extra vitamins - my cold has finally gone but i've got the most annoying cough.
Cyn lovely to see you and well done on 23 days you rock my friend.
Peanut, LBH, Dill my love to you all and welcome Dragonfly.
Off out now see you later
have a good humpday everyone :H:H
sooty

[redhibiscus]

Operation October - week four

Happy morning to everyone!
Lav-the recipe sounded great. I love mushrooms and soup. I love to eat. Thanks-
Cyntree, great on staying AF, looking forward to hearing from you on a regular basis, you are missed.
Dragonfly, we are a bunch of cookers and cleaners, being women, it comes with the territory. I never thought I'd enjoy cooking, but I do. Cleaning, well, I love my house to be clean, but the actual cleaning process, no.

Sooty, you are in a positive frame of mind. Happy humpday to you.

[lilmea]

Operation October - week four

Happy Humpday to Everyone,

Mica-Glad you checked in. My Mom is 89 so I try to help her when I can and just spend time with her.

Hey Pnutbuttercup-Day 3 & 4 were hard for me. Hang in there! You can do it. I wish I liked to exercise as much as you do. It does make you feel better.

LHB-I have tame pond fish as well. They have gotten so big over the years and I had to get rid of some of them this year. I spent months looking for 'good homes' for them and occasionally go 'visit'. So I understand getting attached to fish. :l

Finding-You are sounding in better spirits these days.

Red-Sorry you meeting wasn't more productive. How frustrating for you. There is a book "Living Successfully with Screwed -Up People" by Elizabeth B. Brown. Lots of useful tips on not letting people push your buttons.

Dragonfly-Good job on 7 af days.

Lav-Belated congratulations!! I just saw your post this morning. You reminded me to check my stop date. I have 3 mnth and 2 days. I'm chugging right along with you!! Ready for an af NOvember!

Cyn, Sooty, Pam, Dill and everyone else to follow, have a good day.

[dill]

Operation October - week four

Greetings!

Cyn, I look forward to hearing from you more.
Red, It's important to remind ourselves what we are trying to escape and why. It's good to 'keep it real'!
LBH, Your garden scene touched my heart. I hope you are feeling much better today. I can relate to the emotion of giving up and "drinking till I die". But, YOU WON'T, because you're with us! We'll see you through the good times and the bad. Remember, it isn't always a straight line to recovery. My path has been full of curves. But I learn from everything, even repeated mistakes. Never give up! :h
Sooty, you sound very chipper today, I must say! You have the perfect personality for the driver of the Recovery Bus!
Dragonfly, I use a comination of valerian, melatonin, and L-tryptophan to help me sleep. You can purchase them at a nutritional supplement store, or Walmart. I haven't found Ljj-tryp at walmart, but they have 5HTP which also works for me. Or, there is a pill on the market that contains all three called Alteril. I'd like to hear what others use, too.
Pnut, you must be a 'night owl'! I'm usually in bed by 10! It seems to me, If I could go that long without drinking, I'd be home free!:H Maybe I'll borrow LBH's idea about pretending to be someone else: I'll pretend I'm Pnut and I don't drink until 10 pm. Then, at 10 pm, I'll go back to being me and go to bed! I'll try it today and let you know how it goes!

OK friends, I have the bad cold now. I am trying to decide if I stay home or tough it out and go in to work. I'll let you know when I check in later.

[dill]

Operation October - week four

Hi Lil! Cross-post! Good to see you!

[lilmea]

Operation October - week four

hi Dill-cross post!!