discouraged

[Liath]

Hi everyone-
I am really regretting a day of drinking yesturday. As usual, I can't handle it. I don't go home or stop drinking when I have had enough. It always seems to go too far. My boyfriend considers my behavior irresponsible and he is right. But it is so difficult to stop and I do OK for a while, start again, then back to the stress and anxiety of not being able to go to work, apologizing. Do I really want to live this hell? I am in my early thirties. I need encouragement or something.. must get back to fighting this.

Thanks-

[dancelot]

discouraged

Liath - There's no time like now to start. Maybe use how it makes you feel as a motivator to say "no more". I don't know if you were trying to mod or had a general relapse from AF (I know I've seen your name on here when I first started, but don't remember details).

Start right now, just for a day, or an hour, or 15 minutes. Be realistic, be aware. Do you drink in social situations, alone, both? Change your habits, have an alternate plan in place always. What would you do instead if and when this temptation or trigger comes up?

If you were trying to mod, be honest with yourself if you really can't. Let the idea of AL go (and you may very well cry over it, I know I did, I mean grieved). You say you are in your thirties; life goes by so much faster than we think, and I drank heavily for as long as you've been alive.

The good news is, you CAN overcome it. You do need to make that commitment. I have never regretted it, and I give thanks every morning, even when other things in my life may be messy, I am proud to be sober, and know if I made it through that, most other issues are a piece of cake. That and tell myself I will NEVER let those other issues be an excuse to drink. EVER.

It's never easy for any of us, or we wouldn't be here at MWO. I'm glad you're back, you know the drill, dust yourself off, take that important first step, then another, and another. Forgive yourself for the crappy stuff, but keep it there as a reminder of what you're not, what you don't want to be. Make this a new day. Please take care, and I wish you the best.

Much love to you!

[akgirl]

discouraged

Hi Liath,

Try not to be discouraged.....today is a new day. I wish I had some great words of advice, truth is I don't. Just keep fighting and don't give up. You will get there.

:l and support to you
Ak

[middlepathpilgrim]

discouraged

Oh, Liath...

I know how easy it is to get discouraged, but don't dwell on it. Self-loathing, regrets, all that seems to me to take away our concentrating on healing, learning and getting back in the fight.

I too, have had more than my share of "too manys" lately, but am keeping my chin up (and my hand empty :H ).

Dust yourself off, and let's start again.

G

[Lavande]

discouraged

Hi Liath

We both joined MWO back in February. I'm in my mid fifties, spent almost 10 years drinking prettily heavily due to unresolved anxiety & depression. I'll tell you the truth, it wasn't easy to quit but I had to - for many reasons!

You can do it too but you have to commit yourself! You have to want to quit more than you want to drink!
Why not sit down & revise your plan? Make a list of triggers - what makes you want to drink, what changes can you make to avoid these triggers? Go to the Tool box in the Monthly Abstinence section, it's full of good ideas to help you make your plan.
Think about all of the things you have to gain by quitting now..........life does get much, much better

Please feel free to join us on the 'Newbies Nest' & Monthly Abstinence threads, there's lots of folks there to help you reach your goal!

Wishing you the best!
Lav

[Liath]

discouraged

Thank you for your kind responses. I definitely need to revise the plan. For now I can't make these feelings of stress and isolation go away completely. I will try not to dwell on the negatives if possible.

Lavande- yes I found this site in Feb. and I am still struggling and messing up. i end up in trouble with the important people in my life. I am making a big change in life (grad school..) and the stress is probably getting to me. But normal people don't let that drive them to drink. It is not their immediate response to consume more and more AL. Why is it mine? It is so destructive. I have thought about all of this since joining the site and yet I have drank and been out of control many times.

[Liath]

discouraged

Wow. It is hard to imagine turning it all around when I feel this low. I feel on the edge of losing the truely good things in my life. One of these times my boyfriend may just decide he has had enough. I could become ill, screw up my future.. etc. etc. I must be addicted to risk all of this and really dont want to talk about it with anyone in my life.. Its too humiliating.

[dancelot]

discouraged

Liath;745151 wrote: Wow. It is hard to imagine turning it all around when I feel this low. I feel on the edge of losing the truely good things in my life. One of these times my boyfriend may just decide he has had enough. I could become ill, screw up my future.. etc. etc. I must be addicted to risk all of this and really dont want to talk about it with anyone in my life.. Its too humiliating.

I felt the same way, Liath. If it wasn't an addiction, it wouldn't be so hard. It was very, very difficult to admit that to myself.

I also still don't talk about it to other people in my life (well, I told one, and even that was a extremely scary). If I'm not ready to any time soon, that's OK too. This forum has been a life saver, and I feel free to talk here, and spent hours here, especially in my early days AF. Even just reading reinforced my resolve, helped me through many hours in the beginning, especially. Remember, you can always come here to vent or learn or whatever. Staying close to this site was the key for me, so much information, so much support.

[Liath]

discouraged

I definitely need support. In my every day life I feel like I have a secret to cover up. I worry about people noticing that I am buzzed or hung over. Every time I go out to a bar there is potential for an incident. I am not the only one. One of my best friend's has the same issue but that just means we are not good for eachother (drinking buddies! just great.) I can go weeks where everything seems in control, then my drinking escalates and next thing I know I cant function at all for a day and a half. I keep breaking promises to myself. The 'never again' promise.

[Lavande]

discouraged

Liath,

It is nice to have supportive people in your life but not absolutely necessary. I say this because last February, when I was at my lowest point, I told my family (husband, adult children & 1 or 2 others ) about this site & my plan. They all scoffed at me & said I needed to go 'talk to someone' & I needed to 'go to AA'. None of them had any knowlwdge or experience on this topic. I felt confident that I could accomplish my goals my way.........and I did! I haven't talked to any of them about this since. They just see the new & improved AF me. I actually prefer it this way because I'm not really interested in any of their opinions!

Liath, you can always go talk to a counselor or go to AA - if that's what you prefer to do, if that would help you reach your goals! A lot of people do that in addition to the MWO program. Just do whatever is most helpful for you. Do it now, don't keep putting it off!

Make your decision, make your commitment and get started right now - you will never be sorry you did

Lav