Milk...

[Guest]

My son, who is 19, just came home and opened the fridge...saw skim milk and said to me ,"This isn't milk, right?" Because lately I 've been leaning toward White Russians and I buy skim milk to help with the calories...as if ...and one morning he poured milk onto his cereal but it was White Russian, I had just mixed it in the millk carton. So as he went to bed he asked if it will still be just milk in the morning. My kids so don't deserve me as their mom...last year I screwed up so bad and went to detox...and the night before my two teenagers were hugging me and crying. I lasted all of a week and then hid vodka in my water bottles, until my daughter accidentally drank from it...I write this with burns on my arm from falling into my woodstove...drunk of course...I've had so many physical marks from my drinking...but the worst are the emotional ones. And yet, I just don't know. I've hit rock bottom so many times...I saw how Emmy has thirty days in...so happy for her...and I want to be someone who can say that too. To everyone who has answered my previous posts...I can't thank you enough. I'm sorry for rambling on...will be most thankful for any advice and encouragement.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Milk...

Schaefer28,
You already are someone who can say that too.

Look deep inside yourself, for that is where your sobriety is to be found. You already possess the ability to become sober.........you simply have to use all the available tools to awaken that ability.

Sending you love and strength,

Star x

[Guest]

Milk...

Thank you so much Star X...I really needed to hear that tonight...

[Emmy]

Milk...

:l Schaefer :l I know you can do this ! getting past the first 2 days is the hardest . Write down your reasons for wanting to be AF , then write down in detail how you felt the last time you drank too much , write down how ashamed you felt ! I have faith in you and the support on this site is awesome :h Em

[Guest]

Milk...

Thanks Emmy...I'm such a mess tonight...But always in the back of my mind is that November is coming and I am going to do this...with help from all of you

[Angelcakes]

Milk...

Hi Schafer - you're still here...still trying. Don't give up - one day it will just click.
I'm in for No-bender November also!!
:l

[savon19]

Milk...

Gosh, Shaefer - don't take this the wrong way... but it almost seems like you're making this stuff up! White Russian in the milk bottle?

Maybe you WANT your kids to find out. Although they obviously know about your problem, it's as if you're doing these things to punish yourself? (You Knew someone would think it's milk in bottle?)

You say you went to detox before. Is it possible to do that again? I'm worried about you hurting yourself (or others?) again... and maybe next time will be much more serious. Something that Won't heal. Or jail... or worse.

I'm scared for you!!

[Guest]

Milk...

Thank you Angelcakes! Savon19, I guess it's just a sign of how messed up I am that you might think that. I'm the only one in the house who would ever normally drink skim milk...anyway I thank you for your concern.

[Cinders]

Milk...

Schaefer,

No worries, we are all messed up here, you are definitely not alone.

Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet for what makes some people finally get sober. We all wish we could come up with that one!! It would save so much misery.

The only advice I can give to you is this: Keep trying to quit. Never give up.

I am not the best example, in fact, I am one of the worst. I have been trying to get sober since 2007 and I had a huge binge 3 weeks ago. Horrible.

I have had several periods of sobriety, though, which I would not have had if I had given up or never tried.

I was talking to a friend in an AA meeting last night who went to rehab with me the first time. (I have gone twice and she has gone three times.) We are both determined to "do it" this time. She said something that really struck a chord with me. She said, "It first and foremost takes willingness."

She is right. We have to do whatever it takes, we have to be willing to do whatever it takes, to get and stay sober.

Today, I am willing to get and stay sober. I will worry about tomorrow but plan on having the same willingness tomorrow.

The days are back to piling up for me and despite some rather irritating drinking thoughts, I have abstained and will continue to do so every day. I wake up and think about it and tell myself that today I will stay sober no matter how much I might want to drink. I go to bed at night and say thanks for having stayed sober that day.

It sounds cheesy but it is helping me.

Sometimes during the day I have to stop and think about it when my alcoholic brain starts niggling at me. What am I willing to do to stay sober and not go to the liquor store and buy the vodka? I have had as many different answers to that question as I have had the question.

I am told it gets easier but it takes time. I am determined to do this, I am willing to do this, I will do this. Whatever it takes. Today, I am willing.

Cindi

[lodestar]

Milk...

Hi Schaefer,

You are not alone in this. I am AF today, as planned. Well, actually, was going to start November 1 as you know, but thought I'd get a jump on it. Be so gentle with yourself. You are worthy of it. I've had more bumps and bruises than I can count and sometimes couldn't even remember how I got them. You're here. You may not have won the battle yet, but at least you're in the fight!

Sending you back some strength you sent to me. :l

[Guest]

Milk...

Cinders...your post this morning saved me from walking away...and I thank you so much! All my life I've felt as if I don't belong...and then I started to think...I don't fit in here either...I'm too messed up...but I realize I've found such an incredible support system, and to be be honest right now this is my life line. lodestar...thank you...and I'm so happy you are AF today! Me waiting for Nov 01 is just an excuse to keep drinking...good for you for starting now! Best wishes to everyone...take care.

[KateH1]

Milk...

Schaefer, I am happy that you are here.....as the others have said....we were all a mess when we arrived here.....that is what brought us here. When I arrived here I really did not think that I would fit in, nor did I think that I could or would ever stop drinking. I was in a place where I wanted the madness that alcohol brought to my life, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to give up alcohol.....if that makes sense! Well....I worked and worked at it, I came here and read....then began posting and chatting with others...I ordered RJ's book, read it and then sat down with a legal plan and wrote My Plan to get sober and stay sober. I adopted a No Excuses attitude about myself and my drinking.....I am happy to tell you that in December I will have lived without alcohol for 2 years!!! I am incredibly grateful to be living without alcohol....thoughts of drinking are few and far between now....and when they come up.....I deal with them and move on quickly.....Schaefer....if I can do it....you can too!

Best Wishes and Keep Coming Back!

xx Kate

[savon19]

Milk...

PS - Schaefer: I didn't mean to say that I'm any Less "messed up"! After all, if I weren't messed up, I wouldn't be on MWO. I only wrote what I did out of sincere concern for you. The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel like you can't be honest - or that you're not welcome. Please forgive me if that's how you took it!

(OH - and in case you didn't see, I ended up drinking yesterday... after 7 days af. Obviously, I am a work in progress myself!!)

[dill]

Milk...

Schaefer, you must never give up and go away. You must stick around and keep trying. You can do this!

[lodestar]

Milk...

Yes, ditto what Dill said and Kate, what an inspiration. Schaefer, do you have a plan for tomorrow? I woke up feeling good this morning and feel less puffy around the eyes already. I'm happy about that one little thing. Please stick around, Schaefer, no matter what.

Kind wishes