How Goals can be good... AND bad!

[savon19]

(Sorry for posting so much - but I'm trying to catch up to Startingover!! )

I made this observation this morning & wanted to share:

Having goals has definitely helped me. Usually starts at 1 day, then 3/4, then 1 week, etc.

BUT: I'm seeing now that there's a "dark" side. (Doesn't apply for those SMART people whose goal is to quit Forever.. can't seem to hold that concept in my mind!)

The dark side is that (sometimes/often) when I Reach a certain goal, I then think, "well, I did it - I Proved I can do it! So, why not drink, since I KNOW I can stop??!!"

Which is what I did today. Yesterday was One Week.

Guess I forgot the next step which was to make Another goal!

Bought some. How the Mighty Doth Fall!

I really am analyzing this stuff. Bear with me. (Or don't! lol)

I think it helps for me to put in writing...

Thing is, I didn't buy it because I feel depressed, etc. I bought it "just because" AND I met my goal. (Which Should have been only another step on the rung!)

:eeks:

And I don't even feel THAT guilty... Yet.

Am I HOPELESS????????????

PS - Just edited to add... I think my Next goal should be more lofty - 30 days. If I can't say Forever, I should at least reach Higher.

[tassimo]

How Goals can be good... AND bad!

Hey Savon,,I can so relate to the thinking that you are not ready to say "forever"..You've done great though. Are you able to have a slip then get right back to AF the next day? I liken it to being on a diet (though I hate that word). You watch yourself then have one bad day,,then the next day, even though it may be really hard, you get right back to the good habits. That is what I have been doing since August. I haven't been able to commit to AF forever, but I have gone as long as 3 weeks, then had a couple drinks one saturday night,,then the next day,,,right back to vigilance. Go at least another week,,maybe two or three weeks AF. I'm hoping to be able to do 30 days someday...probably January! I so admire those who have long term AF time,,,6 months or so. Very inspiring! Maybe the next time you reach your goal, a different reward like a manicure or new shoes would be better!

[savon19]

How Goals can be good... AND bad!

LOTS of food for thought, Sheri.

Maybe since I have a hard time saying "NEVER", I was just thinking of a way I could put it to myself that is more palatable: NO more Wasted Days!!

Of course, I got Nothing done yesterday that I needed and even Wanted to do... And that's what disgusts me.

One thing I had Planned on doing was to take advantage of a good deal on an oil change - in middle of day when I could have zipped in and out. The deal runs out today, and if I do it, I will probably have to wait... Ugh.

Other things.. that I won't list.

But, Sheri, you're SO right about me changing my thinking. I am also going to quit smoking, and I'm having a hard time getting my mind around that one! I really need to work on my MIND. I feel like I have been, but I'm not there yet... More work to do.

Tass - you wanna join me for an AF Nov.? Actually, I'm starting today.

[dancelot]

How Goals can be good... AND bad!

The thing that keeps me sober is remembering the last time I was sober for any length of time ended 8 years ago, and I can't honestly say I would have another 8 years left if I started drinking again. If I did, I can guarantee they would not be pleasant. If I had one drink, I probably would not stop again. That's just my honest opinion, knowing how I react and who I truly am. We have to always be 100% honest with ourselves, 100% of the time.

I also had to get over the notion of thinking of "forever", especially at first. Small steps, one day/hour/minute at a time. There's only strength in actually doing it. This is non-negotiable. Good intentions are fine, but that is all they are. Taking care of the small steps as they happen is what equals success. The longer I am AF the easier it is, that and taking necessary steps as well as making adjustments as any new challenges come up. Learning new strategies and changing habits has been enormously helpful. Living in the present is also a big deal - plus it makes life easier in general, and a lot less stressful.

As far as rewarding yourself, replace it with anything that's not AL. There's lots of things out there to buy or do for yourself that have nothing to do with drinking. Go ahead and spoil yourself rotten, splurge, whatever. Just don't drink. With all the money you save you can afford to.

Hang in there Savon - you can do it! Much love to you! :h