November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

[ladybirdheart]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Great quotes Dill and Lil. I love having something in the back of my mind like that to start the day. I am glad I make you smile, Dill; back at you. Which Tolle book did you like listening the most? I put a couple on my ?wish list? and didn?t know which to order first. What I have to remember in my ?doom? is that I am only processing part of the world; my filters are not working right. As such I shall be driving down the street and see only the trash, a dead dog, the line at the food bank, some children throwing rocks at an injured bird. That is all I see on a road that also has an old lady riding a chestnut horse, a fat clump of yellow flowers, a goofy live dog safe on a leash, a first kiss. It is the same world that is always there and when my filters are broken I have to remember that what I see is a lie by omission.

Mysong, I am a small person and I drank a good third of a fifth a spirits (scotch or gin) every evening for over twenty years and ended each night with ?a nice late dinner and a bit wine?. My first few days of withdrawal were doable but uncomfortable enough that I would not want to go through them again. This has helped me not go back there. I tried tapering off but felt bad anyway and decided to just get everything over with. I do think it is important to set a date, get whatever interpersonal and/or medical support you feel necessary given your overall health, expect to be uncomfortable and afraid anyway, and then just get it over with. We will be here for you on the way and on the other side.

As an old hippie, I love beaded things Sooty. We still have stores all over this town with everything from crystal beads to those made with pottery, shell, stone, and feathers. Bead on. Last night I watched a nearly three hour film with subtitles; that certainly would not have happened on one of my former "double vision" evenings! Love, Ladybird.

[FindingMyself]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Dill, love the Winds of Fate poem you posted.

Mysong, I didn’t have experience with withdrawl symptoms and can’t say what would be right for you. Just wanted to let you know that I’m sending positive thoughts your way. Let us know how things go for you.

Red, enjoy a bit of vacation time. I’m thinking along the same lines. Just needing a break from the routine.

Mountaingirl, 9 days – working on day 10! Good work and congratulations. The first couple of weeks are tough, but the clarity that comes with it is really great. It took 2 or 3 weeks AF for me before I was able to get a little bit of distance from the constant craving and begin to get some perspective on my habits and behaviors. In the meantime, in those first 2 or 3 weeks I felt immediate relief mentally and physically. It does get better!

Ladybird, I understand about the filters. I get upset with myself when I’m out for a walk and there is so much natural beauty around me and I find myself living in my head – churning over thoughts about past events that are beyond my control to change – and missing the moment and the delightful scenery right there in front of me.

Your comment about the subtitled movie made me laugh. I used to watch foreign films a lot, but haven’t in ages – just too much work (or impossible) when one is drinking!

Hello to e-v-e-r-y-one! Your posts are the start of each new day for me – thank you!

[Peanut]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Hello everyone!!
Wow - what a supportive group this is. I'm doing ok here, although have been suffering from a headache for the last 10 days - I think because I upped my Zoloft and now have backed off again - it makes me super tired too. I think I'm very sensitive to meds! Also, had to practice some serious Lavan-itude last night. Not craving so much, but wine thoughts in my head, and BF asked if I wanted him to "pick anything up" and I said no. So I calmly sat on the couch with my soda and cranberry and told myself how grateful i was to be not poisoning my body and how grateful I was to know I would wake up feeling well and not bleary. And, I actually had a good (albeit dream-filled) sleep last night WITHOUT any sleep aids!!! Things are looking up for old peanut!! All this discussion on this thread about attitude and seeing things more clearly are really helping me!

So although I haven't been posting daily, I do manage to catch up with all your goings-on throughout the day, a minute here and there as I am quite busy right now, but I really wanted to stop for a bit and drop you all a line. Progress sounds great for everybody this month!!!
Keep moving! Tata for now!
xoxoxo peanut

[dill]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Pnut, I'm glad things are looking up for you! WELL DONE on saying "no" when BF made that offer. I think that takes unusual strength! I check in here from time to time during my work day, too, when I can. It's reassuring somehow, eh?

Hi, Finding, good to see you. I'm glad you liked that poem. I found it years ago in a book of best loved poems and have always kind of kept it in the back of my mind. Some poems are like that.

LBH, I like the New Earth book the best. I'm listening to it for the second time now. I feel though, that for me, reading The Power of Now first, gave me a good grouondwork to be able to help me appreciate The New Earth. I do believe, though, if you were to just want to read one, you could start with The New Earth. I'd be anxious to hear what you think of it.

Soots,

Dill - beading is a good activity for keeping one AF - it keeps your hands busy and its a very difficult thing to do if you've had anything to drink ....

That can be said for many things that I undertook while drinking anyway!:H I've had a few projects gone wild in my day.

I'm calling it a day! Peace and strength.

[Lavande]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Evening friends,

Hey Pnut - you go ahead & use all the Lavan-ittude you need, it works
You did good job talking yourself 'down' last night, be proud! Glad things are getting better for you!

Sooty, enjoy your beading, sounds like fun Are you making Christmas gifts by any chance??

LBH, double vision......that's what's been missing from my life since March, ha ha. Glad you mentioned that

Finding, sounds like you are doing just fine! If you discover a way to live 'outside your own head' will you please let me know? That is a totally annoying habit, I do it too. I need to remember to practice Gratitude more often......it helps keep your attention focused on the sights, sounds & people around you.

Greetings to Dill & everyone else here this month, wishing you all the best!
Lav

[lodestar]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Hi everyone,

Hells bells, I can't keep up with all the conversations to post those super individualized responses like some of you guys do. I'm super grateful for the support here though! Hang on to your seats...this is gonna be a long one (reflection alert!)...

I think Dill asked if going AF was tough for me. The answer today: not half as tough as it has been ON AL. This last year was brutal and my consumption had taken quite the turn. When tapering, I basically kept drinking the same thing, but just started late in the day right before a big dinner. Hard to drink for me with a full belly.

It's only been a week, but I have some perspective on what I have been doing to myself. I can't get too far ahead (avoiding words like relapse, thinking too far into the future, etc.) or I could fold, so just taking it nice and easy for now and trying to stay close as others have mentioned.

Today I went grocery shopping again and purposely walked down the liquor aisle. I think it was Sunday that it pissed me off that sparkling water was in the same aisle. The store I was at today didn't have that setup. I walked in there and thought, "I'm gonna avoid that aisle," and all of a sudden, I was pushing my cart right toward it thinking this is not going to get me. I looked at all the stuff on both sides and you know what? No desire! I can't imagine having done that a week ago.

I feel less depressed, less lonely, less anxious, less fearful, more energized, more confident, and best of all -- not shameful. That being said, I have not been in social situations involving AL yet. I always drank alone at home though -- rarely with other people in the past year. Soooo, there is no one here to "catch" me or question me. That is ok, because I'm accountable to myself. I hope this feeling persists and if it doesn't that I will find the strength to overcome it.

This might sound funny, but I cannot subscribe to the notion of "powerlessness" that accompanies some addiction literature. I understand the concept and perhaps it is just the word that bothers me, but it simply doesn't work for me. Maybe because I am a woman, maybe because I have been truly powerless in situations past (non-AL related), maybe for some other reason I have yet to discover...but one thing I've been grappling with over the past year is finding my power. Would love to hear from anyone on this topic.

Sorry if I'm jumping all over the place with this post and thanks for indulging me (even if accidentally -- lol)

:h

[ladybirdheart]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Really interesting topic, Lodestar, a cognitive perspective that can often inspire or divide people trying to find their way(s) out. I think most addicted people feel painfully powerless in the morning after having sworn the day before to never be there again and the day before that and the day before that. Or we may feel powerful that this time it will be different. In this sense we need to know what we have been doing doesn?t work and can in effect surrender to learn something new, really learn it in the witching times when it actually counts. In addition, many of us really are psychophysiologically powerless with various amounts of alcohol on board, for some it is a taste, others a couple of drinks when the addicted brain takes over. For me the tipping point is the first drink, I do have ?power? over that although I need all sorts of skills that I am only just developing to effectively claim and foster this power. Some people are comfortable with a higher being or spiritual force, others like me more likely to look at science, who gives a hoot whether we are drunk atheists or drunk believers, our abstinence helps things greater than ourselves. Here?s to yours, Lodestar. Love, Ladybird.

[lodestar]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Great food for thought

Wow, Ladybird. What a thought-provoking response.

I can understand how the various perspectives could divide people, but they all seem necessary depending on who you are, where you are and like you say your "way(s) out." I didn't mean to imply that I haven't felt powerless -- quite the contrary. I was curious about other's perspectives because I have found them so helpful in my short time here. For example, the deprivation v. gratitude for being AF perspective has really been an important thing for me to ponder and has helped me tremendously to let go a bit of that vice-grip I had on alcohol and it had on me.

Thank you for taking the time, truly, and I hope my earlier post does not create any feelings of division with anyone.

A restful night to all,
Lodestar

[redhibiscus]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Good morning, Just a few minutes before I go get that plane.

Powerlessness. Once I take that first drink, there is a huge possiblity that I will be powerless from that point on. The alcohol takes my power. But, I also do not like the idea that I am powerless. I know that with my higher power, learning skills and strategies, medicine if needed, supplements, support, and hypnotherapy I am not powerless. I can decide whether to be AF. So, there it is for me. If I stay away from Alcohol, utilize the above, and most importantly have a plan, there is a huge chance I will be in control today.

I like the AA stuff, but some of it does not work for me. That is OK. I have taken what I need from it nad from other sources. The main thing is that today, I am AF.

I will miss you all, but hope to find a computer where I am staying. Strength and hope to all. Take Care.:l:h

[lilmea]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Powerlessness-Alcohol has no power over me as long as I don't take that first drink. I still don't have control on other outside things that happen in my life. i.e.-I have no control if someone close to me gets seriously ill. But, as long as I don't take that first drink, I do have control over how I react to these situations. If I take that first drink then I am giving my power away. I am giving it to an inanimate object. A bottle full of liquid. The choose is mine. I chose not to give my power away today.

I do believe in a higher power. I don't pray He will keep me sober today. I do pray that He will give me the strength and knowledge to do what ever I need to do to stay af today. To use all the science, information, tools, strategies, support to developed a plan that works for me.

AA was founded in 1935 by 2 men basically for men. I have gotten a lot of good information from it but don't agree with everything. I take what I can use and leave the rest. I also use some of the 'reality' worksheets offered by Smart Recovery as well as the fantastic support here at MWO.

For me the tipping point is the first drink, I do have “power” over that although I need all sorts of skills that I am only just developing to effectively claim and foster this power.

LHB-Well said and so very true!! For me, not taking that first drink is really the core of my whole program. Learning how to do that is the foundation of my program.

Red-I don't think any of us like the idea of being powerless. And yet I allowed myself to be powerless for many years while I was drinking. I'm with you in believing that we must have a plan to achieve our af goals. Hey have a great trip. Hope you can check in. You will be missed.

Good morning to Dill, Lav, Finding, mountaingirl, my song, Pnut, Sooty, Scrubs, Pam, Cyn (I hope I haven't forgotten anyone) Have a great af day!!

[sooty]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Hello one and all, lovely to see you all. I'm a bit busy today as daughter arriving back from uni for weekend so I've been cooking (so she can take food back with her) and now I have to whip round with the hoover - her standards are very high, can't for the life of me work out where she gets them from, I'm an untidy so and so!
Pouring with rain and absolutely freezing - oh well I was complaining about the boring weather not so long ago, no doubt that its winter today. Be careful what you wish for isn't that what they say?
But I do wish for a happy AF Friday for all of us.
See you all later
love Sooty

[dill]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Ahoy Shipmates!

Hells bells, I can't keep up with all the conversations to post those super individualized responses like some of you guys do. I'm super grateful for the support here though!

Lodestar, you'll be fine! It takes some time to get to know people, but, we have been doing this monthly thing for awhile now, and for those that stick around, they find a recovery rich, supportive environment!

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering
how to fly."
--Unknown

Powerlessness is something that bothers me, too. I guess I've never even thought of it consciously in relationship to my self, because I don't like the concept! I know that I have power over alc as long is it is still in the bottle. But like so many others, once I take that first drink, my "power" is given over to the lower part of my brain. The part that derives pleasure from the alc. The addicted part. So, in a sense, it's a power stuggle, but not with alc so much, as interally. The thinking part of my brain is in power if I don't drink. If I take that first drink, the power shifts from my thinking brain to my lower brain. That part of the brain says, "MORE, MORE, MORE!" and it is almost impossible to resist. Resisting that voice is called "Modding", and it's really not all that fun! That's how I look at it. I do believe in a higher power. For many years, I was agnostic. But I think it illogical to not believe there is a power higher than what we currently understand, given the complexity and the beauty of this world.

Soots, Lav, Finding, Lil, Pam, Cyn, Pnut, Red, Lodestar, My Song, Mtngirl, Scrubs and to any one else who stops in today, strength to you all!

[Lavande]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Good morning friends,

I love that Dill -'recovery rich, supportive environment'! That is a perfect description of our monthly thread

I'm in agreement with the rest of you - I don't like the thought of being powerless over anything! For me it brings back memories of an abusive father....that's another story! I am grateful to have found my power & will do anything & everything necessary to keep it I am in charge of my destiny, I am staying in control, no matter what!

Feeling a little lazy this morning so I'll just offer a giant group hug to everyone today & wish all of you a great AF Friday!

Lav

[mg72]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

I am now on my 17th day AF. I started drinking at 17 years old and am now 59. I had too many nights where I blacked out, drove under the influence, spent the night in a stupor and woke up the next morning with headache and feeling bad with all that brings.

I tried to stop drinking three years ago. I went 14 days alcohol free and then had one drink on day 15. The next 10 weeks I averaged 6-9 drinks a week working hard to moderate. Over time my drinking increased to where lately I was drinking between 14-17 drinks a week usually taking two days a week off. That is only time previously I tried to stop.

In my 17 days AF I have been more energetic, communicative, happier with my emotions not on a roller coaster. The fears I had before I started AF days where what would I do with my nights, would life be a bore and could I have a social life without AL. The nights have filled in nicely, life is pretty full and social part is a work in progress. We went out to eat with another couple this week and I think we dampened their time by not having AL. I feel badly about that. We are going out to eat again tonight with another couple and I am commited to not drink. I hope it goes better than last time.

My reason for writing is because the last two days I have been seeing myself drinking again. I imagine I can keep it moderate but history does not reinforce that belief. I guess I want the best of both worlds: having the buzz of AL but keep below three drinks at a time, drinking occasionaly, only on a full stomach, etc.

I guess I am asking anyone on this thread for advice. I am commited to not drink for 30 days but then what should I do?

[lodestar]

November Navigators ~ AF -Week 1

Good morning, Navigators!

Dill, Lil, Lav & Red: Thanks for telling about your experiences with "power." I can relate to all that you said and also pray for the strength to leave it in the bottle and give thanks for this period of time. I know all to well that drinking has lead to hopeless feelings and will again if I let it.

Mt...I'm no help because I haven't braved the social thing yet and am really new at all this, but I wish you strength!

Hi Sooty and all others who come along today! I'm off for a run soon. Seeing my collarbones when I woke up today was quite exciting So long puffy AL-soaked body!

Hope everyone has a terrific day & see you soon