I'm back again too

[Heyme]

I say I'm back again. I'm ashamed to say that I never really (truly) tried. I've been AF not more than three weeks in 2007. In August (just past), I went two weeks and then a friend had a wedding reception--back to my old ways.

I'm sitting here trying not to drink. I had four Mike's hard berries last night (sans the vodka) and slept not at all. Alcohol helps me to sleep. Everyone I know and everything I do involves drinking. It's the way I escape myself and my thoughts and everything. It gives me comfort.

My husband, who is about to crack a beer as I'm writing this, called on his way home to ask if I wanted a "bottle." I said no immediately, but I soooooo wanted to say yes--pick up two why don't ya!

Thanks for listening.

[bouchard01]

I'm back again too

Hello Heyme ... welcome back. I mostly lurk and learn. I need to stop, want to stop but can't seem to do it ... YET! I will though, we all will, I truly believe that ...

[Heyme]

I'm back again too

Thanks Bouchard! I appreciate your reply. If you want it bad enough, a person can do anything. We just have to hang tough!

[Lavande]

I'm back again too

Welcome back Heyme!

Never give up trying - you will get it, sooner or later!

You said everything you do involves drinking. Have you considered changing that? How about spending some time doing things that do not involve Al? Go to the Tool box (located in the Monthly Abstinence section) for lots of great ideas and make you plan! Can you ask your husband to stop offering you Al? My husband has been sitting in his garage/workshop with his beer & cigars.......that's a big help!
In the beginning I made a special point to stay away from people & situations that would make me want to drink. It does get better as time goes on & you feel stronger. But for now, while you're getting started give yourself every advantage you can

Wishing you the best & please feel free to join us on the 'Newbies Nest' thread for lots of support!

Lav

[Winefree]

I'm back again too

Hi Heyme! Welcome back. I used AL to help me sleep too. Everything you will read will tell you that although it seems to help you get to sleep, it really interferes with true good sleep. I had a hard time believing that for the longest time. Yes, it is tough to stop drinking and your sleep will be interrupted when you stop. Others have written about this as well.
I cut back on caffeine. Drink herbal relaxing tea with chamomille in the evening and sleepytime tea with velarian right before bedtime. The velarian is also available in health food stores or on-line in a tablet or capsule and I take that an hour before bedtime to help with my sleep now. I also listen to "white noise" or the hypno CD's from this site.

Best of luck, hope this helps.

Winefree

[shirazgirl]

I'm back again too

Hi,
Don't feel bad, many spouses here drink. Mine too. He can stop after a few, though sometimes, he does go overboard. He could care less if I drank or not, as long as I don't bother and/or be mean to him. So, don't look for support in that corner. The first few days are tough. My doctor presribed me Lunesta which helps tremendously with my sleep. I try to get to the gym everyday (it also get me through the "witching" hour). I have been cutting my pills in half with favorable results. Do what you have to so that you can get a bit of time under your belt. Try to remember things you did before al became a problem and try your hand at them. Book stores, wandering around a department store have helped to.

It is difficult to adjust when most of your social activities revolve around spirits. Most of my friends go to our local restaurant/bar on the weekends. I had to cut that out for the first two weeks. I've gone a few times but have noticed my "shelf life" there has dramatically decreased. So I go, for a bit, take my own car so I don't feel trapped and leave when I start feeling bored/uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, there is no sobriety pill or magic wand. This does take work. One thing I can tell you, my worst day sober is still better then my best day hungover.

Good luck and stick around.

[Heyme]

I'm back again too

Thanks so much Lav, Winefree, and Shiraz, for the great advice and how you deal with situations such as hubbies drinking and you're trying to lay off.

It's difficult for me to hear the beer tabs being popped in the kitchen while I'm in the bedroom trying to be good. When we met I had a screw driver in my hand and he had a Bud in his. We watch sports and drink; we golf and drink; we have great conversations while drinking, although I usually don't remember them.

I will check out the tool box for ideas. I plan on going to the gym as soon as I get stitches remove from by feet (I had a bi-lateral bunionectomy three weeks ago), and see what the doctor says about activity, etc.

Last night I took an Advil PM and slept almost through the night. The only thing about that is waking up groggy, which I don't like.

Shiraz, I'm sure you are right about the worst day being sober is better than the best day being hungover. I just have to be patient and go one day at a time.

Thanks again for the support and advice. I look forward to getting to know you all better.

[keeta]

I'm back again too

Heyme,
Good job making it through the night AF.
It makes it so much more difficult when your significant other drinks. Believe me, I know. I have ranted a blue streak here, when first going AF and my husband had no problem drinking in front of me.
I just wanted you to know you are not alone. You can do this.
Keep up the good work.

[lodestar]

I'm back again too

Hi Hey,

Nice meeting you in chat last night. As I mentioned, I'm using Melatonin for sleep and it helps a great deal. I don't wake up feeling groggy and am sleeping through the night pretty well.

It must be hard having a partner who drinks in the house, while you are trying to go AF. For me, exact opposite...no one here but me and I drank every day alone. Interestingly, it is still a trigger -- for you, hubby popping tabs, for me, being alone and doing anything. Whatever the circumstances, it seems we are in a similar boat and on a similar mission: too much drinking in the past and a desire to stop.

Congratulations on your first night and well done! Sending you AF strength and support!

~Lode

[Heyme]

I'm back again too

Keeta and Lode,

Thanks for your grats and support.

It was nice to meet you too, Lode. I like to go into chat just to occupy my time and get past the witching hour. It's hard to keep up in chat sometimes just because everyone knows everyone's stories, but I'll get there. I like to just read what people are writing too; it's kinda like people watching, but not.

With regard to having a partner that drinks, it SUCKS. I don't nag him, but it's tough when he starts feeling no pain and wants to joke around or gets philosophical. He's talking about some deep issue and slurring his words. I pray that I don't get resentful or snotty towards him.

Well here's to another AF night. Thanks for the support and maybe I'll see you both in chat.

[lodestar]

I'm back again too

New here too

Hi Heyme,

I'm new on this site, so I'm just getting to know people gradually. Don't know a lot of people's stories, but I've read a bunch and gone to chat to connect too. Everyone has been so welcoming and supportive. Just keep coming and I've found, one friend leads to another.

In regards to hubby...that would be TOUGH and I can't imagine not getting snotty sometimes. Is he aware of what your trying to do? Sorry, I can't remember as I'm writing this. I'm sure others with more experience with a partner drinking when you are trying to quit will continue to support.

Take good carra u!

[Heyme]

I'm back again too

Hey Lode,

I was lurking around MWO in 2006, and finally became a member in March of 2007. I started off as "Svedka." I dropped out of sight for a while, forgot my password, etc., and had to change my name and re-enlist.

Everyone here is really, really nice and so supportive. When I first started I remember Tawnyfrog and Youngatheart being well on their way to moderating/abstaining. I still see them post from time to time. I am so hoping to be someone who achieves sobriety and celebrate my 30th anniversary someday.

Regarding my husband, when I quit in August for two weeks and started back up again, I think he was relieved. It's really tough when someone is hoping for you to fail so they can continue being who they are and doing what they want to do.

It's a tough row to hoe, and it tugs on me constantly. I'm not going to try to change him. My worry is when I begin to fill my time with other things, possibly (hopefully) develop new friendships, will it change me? Will we grow apart? It's something that I don't want to think about because it makes me want to drink.

MWO is the best! The people are just like you and know where you are in your life because they've been there too. If you fall, someone is always there to pick you back up. The people here are just great! I'll be here for you too whenever you need to chat.

Take good care!

[Doggygirl]

I'm back again too

Welcome back Heyme. I think I remember your previous screen name from 2007. Hmmm.... At least I know these days my memory lapses are NOT AL related. :H

One suggestion I have heard often about the spouse situation is that when you get sober, don't make any major relationship changes for a minimum of one year, unless there is abuse involved or some really major infraction like that. It makes sense to me as that first year of sobriety can really have some rocky times. Not only are we changing but by default, this changes all the relationships around us.

So maybe it will take some pressure off if you just decide not to worry about the relationship and the future of that for a year? I know that trying to give up an addiction when living with an active user is a whole 'nother difficult kettle of fish.

Sobriety it worth it and so are you though. If you are willing to do whatever it takes, you will succeed and the challenges you face will sort themselves out with time and patience.

DG

[Heyme]

I'm back again too

Thanks so much DG for your advice. I see that you celebrated a year of sobriety in May; how cool is that!! You must be very, very proud.

I think I quit smoking in April of 2007. My husband and I did it together, and we haven't looked back. It was so nice to get that monkey off our backs. I asked him to not drink with me for 30 days back in August, and I think he laughed. He really enjoys his beer.

I know alcohol is alcohol; but because I drink the hard stuff, I think he thinks I'm worse off than he is. Also, he can drink 8 or 9 beers and go to bed, whereas I get a second wind and get totally obliterated.

I'm going to let things ride and see how it goes. I'm going to take the attitude my dad had when he quit drinking. Just because I stop doesn't mean everyone else has to.

Thanks for your kind advice. I will keep it in mind.