Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

[Davie Souter]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Hi KTab,
Today I'm riddled with remorse, confusion, anger and fear. Basically the complete opposite to how I felt last before 10pm last Saturday when I had my first pint. Really angry with myself. How can someone who has been described as bright, intelligent, articulate, sharp witted and insightful write here for 3 weeks about the pitfalls of AL and the torture it has caused and then go out and decide to drink knowing full well that it was likely to be a time bomb.
Felt really deceitful today in work - they knew full well why I missed two days its so f*cking obvious yet I persist with a facade. You know I almost hoped I would get pulled aside and told to check into rehab or something it would almost be a relief. I feel I don't have anyone to open up to. If I say to anyone I want to give up they dismiss it by saying (1) I just need to grow up (2) I need a girlfriend or (3) Just don't drink on nights where you have work the following day. This frustrates the life out of me I almost want to scream at them - I'm a f**king alcoholic.
There are so many many positives to not drinking and I understand each and every one of them why can't I get that stuck in my brain and stay AF which is what I'd really love. Within myself i've sought to blame my mate who suggested going for a pint Saturday or my sister who couldn't go out sat night so cancelled me as babysitter. But I know these a re things I have to face day in day out as the choice is with me not them. I had every opportunity not to go out Sat night.
I feel very low and don't want to get lower because this feels horrible. I'm such an actor though a friend just rang and I was having a laugh with him as if I hadn't a care - typical me.

[Opal]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Sorry to hear your not feeling too hot Davie. I think most of us here are great actors, pretending to the world that everything is grand. The best part is we actually think that they believe us. It is hard as so much of socialising is around alcohol. Keep trying and keep coming here, it does help.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Hi Davie, that was an honest heartfelt answer to my question. I know that, as do so many other members because we have also walked those very same steps. This addiction is a confusing and baffling thing at times, we know what we want and we start to read here and learn. We start to gain the tools and skills to help ourselves in this battle then wallop we can get the wind taken out of our sails again totally out of the blue. What you are feeling is normal but I would say that you have to first try to put aside the remorse, it is unhelpful and will only bog you down. It is confusing as I said but the more AF days we get then the more the fog starts to lift. Anger can be turned to resolve not to repeat the same behavour patterns when the voice whispers in our ears. And finally fear, well I think it is frightening to feel we do not to have control of our actions but truly the buck stops with us. Only we can decide to pick up that drink or not. Looking to blame another for what we do is pointless and self decieving.
I think that not having anyone to talk to about this in work is no bad thing really because it could impact badly if it were taken the wrong way. In my experience the vast majority of 'normal' people have no idea of the mind of an alcoholic/problem drinker. FFS we hardly understand ourselves most of the time when drinking. That is where MWO comes in, we do understand where you find yourself and this has proved a life saver for me. I can laugh, cry, vent, offer and recieve fantastic support and help here and have experienced all of those things since I arrived.
I and many others, I am sure, enjoy your daily list. I hope you re-read them and post a new one tomorrow.
So to finish my version of War & Peace I would say to you to take a deep breath and look towards tomorrow, it is a new day and the sun will rise. You can too.

[Davie Souter]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

KTAB;764415 wrote: Hi Davie, that was an honest heartfelt answer to my question. I know that, as do so many other members because we have also walked those very same steps. This addiction is a confusing and baffling thing at times, we know what we want and we start to read here and learn. We start to gain the tools and skills to help ourselves in this battle then wallop we can get the wind taken out of our sails again totally out of the blue. What you are feeling is normal but I would say that you have to first try to put aside the remorse, it is unhelpful and will only bog you down. It is confusing as I said but the more AF days we get then the more the fog starts to lift. Anger can be turned to resolve not to repeat the same behavour patterns when the voice whispers in our ears. And finally fear, well I think it is frightening to feel we do not to have control of our actions but truly the buck stops with us. Only we can decide to pick up that drink or not. Looking to blame another for what we do is pointless and self decieving.
I think that not having anyone to talk to about this in work is no bad thing really because it could impact badly if it were taken the wrong way. In my experience the vast majority of 'normal' people have no idea of the mind of an alcoholic/problem drinker. FFS we hardly understand ourselves most of the time when drinking. That is where MWO comes in, we do understand where you find yourself and this has proved a life saver for me. I can laugh, cry, vent, offer and recieve fantastic support and help here and have experienced all of those things since I arrived.
I and many others, I am sure, enjoy your daily list. I hope you re-read them and post a new one tomorrow.
So to finish my version of War & Peace I would say to you to take a deep breath and look towards tomorrow, it is a new day and the sun will rise. You can too.

KTAB -thanks a lot for that wonderful response. Tomorrow back to the list. That will be day 3 AF. Have to pick myself up and make sure this doesn't happen again - not really sure what else I can do to ensure this. For some reason I really don't want to do AA - but am seriously thinking about it now. But not sure how to go about it.

[dill]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Davie, I am so glad you have not given up! We have all been on this bumpy road and know just how it is. Please keep coming back. Not too many get it right the first try! There are some who post for a year or more before they finally "click" and achieve AF. There are others who come on and go AF from their very first post, although they have usually been "lurking" for sometime before jumping in. We are all different. What's important is to succeed and that means never giving up.

[Davie Souter]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Dill,
Thanks for the encouraging words. Wrapped up well ,put on the MP3 player and went for a long walk in the cold night tonight. Had a long think and came back feeling strong, hopeful and positive again. On the walk I passed though the housing estate I grew up in and I know that in 70-75% of the houses there is at least one person has had an issue with drink or drugs. Also I thought about what led to me go out and have that first drink on Sat. It was so obvious I didnt do what I had done on the previous weeks, I have to recognise these triggers and take action next time.
Have a day off from work tomorrow and was thinking about sticking my head into AA meeting in the City Centre. But TBH I'd rather give something like Rational Recovery a go first. Anyone any views?
Anyway back to the reasons.
Reasons not to drink.
1) Absolutely nothing positive comes from me drinking
2) My most difficult times from childhood to adulthood have been as a direct or indirect result of my own or someone elses (father's) alcohol abuse
3) Alcoholism is progressive - I don't want to look back in 1,2,3 or more years to be further along my downward spiral having wasted this opportunity to nip it in the bud while I still can.
4) I have a relationship of fun & mischievous (spelling?) with all my nieces and nephews and I want dearly to retain this. However I don't ever want them to feel sorry for me or embarassed by me. I want them to always be proud of me and know they can rely on me. One way to achieving this is to stop pissing my life and hard earned money away at the weekends and start to reach my true potential.
5) No more dark (almost suicidal) thoughts after a binge - guilt about the hundreds Euro spent, making a fool of myself and missing work - and asking myself why have I done this to myself again?
6) No more blackouts wondering how I got home - dreading what I have said and done.
7) I can be loud, obnoxious, rude and arrogant when drunk. I don't want people to see me like this as this not the real me.
8) I know my life will be far more happier, fun and prosperous without AL
9) I want to prove to myself I have the balls and willpower to be different to the herd and do this
10) Because I woke up this morning and it was a beautiful day and I was so happy to be able to appreciate it.
11) AL has taken far more from me than I have ever gotten from it.
12) I want Monday to be like every other day of the week not a day to dread and just get through due to a hangover. Life is too short to be wasting days.
13) No AL means no recreational use of illegal drugs.
14) I have never regretted not drinking but have often regretted taking that first drink.
15) I love the gym. When not drinking I have far more energy for it and make far more progress in my training
16) I am a far more confident & friendlier person without AL.
17) I simply cannot handle booze - I'm drunk after 5 pints & then I have lost control.

[dill]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Davie, I think checking out AA is a fine idea. I have done it, too. I unfortunately can't find any suitable meeting times for me in my area. I live in a rural community. I suggest you read on the Weekly AA thread in the Goals section. I lurk there from time to time! You might learn more there that might help you. If you join in or have a question, you'll get good responses. Here's a link:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...6-a-38613.html

[Davie Souter]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

dill;765365 wrote: Davie, I think checking out AA is a fine idea. I have done it, too. I unfortunately can't find any suitable meeting times for me in my area. I live in a rural community. I suggest you read on the Weekly AA thread in the Goals section. I lurk there from time to time! You might learn more there that might help you. If you join in or have a question, you'll get good responses. Here's a link:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...6-a-38613.html

Hi Dill,
Didn't end up checking out the meeting as it turned out I had to do something for work. Its something I might keep in my back pocket for the moment. I'm trying to focus on recognising what puts me back in drinking mode and acting on those triggers such as stopping and thinking (1) recognise a trigger for what it is (2) recall my disastrous experiences with AL to date (3) go to MWO & post plus read other literature I have (4) reaffirm that I actually don't want to and don't need a drink (5) not take that first drink. That is the basis for me going forward. If I find I continue to struggle on this basis then I will seek the face to face support from people actively dealing with the same issues as myself i.e. AA.
There are certain aspects of AA (about which I've read) I'm not sure of but I now know more than ever (A) When I drink I am not in control AL is; and (B) I don't want to drink anymore.
DS

[JackieClaire]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Hi Davie,

So glad you're back on your list.
I checked out the Rational Recovery site (that took some reading). It seems to me that it's based on the same principles here, that you have to find the solution yourself. I'd be interested in your views. I have to be honest and say that I didn't read all of it.

I was in AA for a few months last year and remained sober for over 3 months but something just didn't click. I still have my Big Book and was just reading it this afternoon. It's worth having a look in. I think you'll be surprised how many younger men and women are there.

It's worth having any information and tools you can gather and use to fight this.

Jackie xxx

[Davie Souter]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

JackieClaire;765872 wrote: Hi Davie,

So glad you're back on your list.
I checked out the Rational Recovery site (that took some reading). It seems to me that it's based on the same principles here, that you have to find the solution yourself. I'd be interested in your views. I have to be honest and say that I didn't read all of it.

I was in AA for a few months last year and remained sober for over 3 months but something just didn't click. I still have my Big Book and was just reading it this afternoon. It's worth having a look in. I think you'll be surprised how many younger men and women are there.

It's worth having any information and tools you can gather and use to fight this.

Jackie xxx

Hi Jackie,
I have a bit of a mental block about AA but would happily go there if it kep me AL when other options wouldn't. With RR I like the idea that I am in control, AVRT and that you make the decision now that you will stop now forever. For me I need to really banish my head that AL has any benefits at all especially socially. My first drink is always because I want to be out socialising not for the love of drink in itself. Last Sat night I could have easily ordered a Coke but my mind is conditioned that to enjoy myself in certain situations I must drink. Tonight I was visiting friends sittting around having a Chinese take out. Now they were having a couple of glasses of wine with their meal while I had a coke. But because I never drink in their house or anyone elses I'm visiting the fact that I wasn't drinking never bothers me at all. Compare that to last Saturday, unusually I spent the day in a mates house lazing around watching football when normally I would be in the gym or shopping, cleaning etc. When the evening came round talk turned to the fact that the lads were going for pints that night and it really triggered in my head that if I didn't go with them I'd be missing out. I see this for what it is and have to avoid it or take action when those thoughts develop. Unfotunately now at this stage there is a mound of evidence which makes it clear that once I take the first drink anything can happen. So its simple - no first drink. Rant over for tonight.
Reasons not to drink.
1) Absolutely nothing positive comes from me drinking
2) My most difficult times from childhood to adulthood have been as a direct or indirect result of my own or someone elses (father's) alcohol abuse
3) Alcoholism is progressive - I don't want to look back in 1,2,3 or more years to be further along my downward spiral having wasted this opportunity to nip it in the bud while I still can.
4) I have a relationship of fun & mischievous (spelling?) with all my nieces and nephews and I want dearly to retain this. However I don't ever want them to feel sorry for me or embarassed by me. I want them to always be proud of me and know they can rely on me. One way to achieving this is to stop pissing my life and hard earned money away at the weekends and start to reach my true potential.
5) No more dark (almost suicidal) thoughts after a binge - guilt about the hundreds Euro spent, making a fool of myself and missing work - and asking myself why have I done this to myself again?
6) No more blackouts wondering how I got home - dreading what I have said and done.
7) I can be loud, obnoxious, rude and arrogant when drunk. I don't want people to see me like this as this not the real me.
8) I know my life will be far more happier, fun and prosperous without AL
9) I want to prove to myself I have the balls and willpower to be different to the herd and do this
10) Because I woke up this morning and it was a beautiful day and I was so happy to be able to appreciate it.
11) AL has taken far more from me than I have ever gotten from it.
12) I want Monday to be like every other day of the week not a day to dread and just get through due to a hangover. Life is too short to be wasting days.
13) No AL means no recreational use of illegal drugs.
14) I have never regretted not drinking but have often regretted taking that first drink.
15) I love the gym. When not drinking I have far more energy for it and make far more progress in my training
16) I am a far more confident & friendlier person without AL.
17) I simply cannot handle booze - I'm drunk after 5 pints & then I have lost control.
18) Davie + AL = unmanageble chaos.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Hi Davie, it sounds to me like you might consider AA. I did a few years ago but it just wasnt for me on a couple of fronts, however I know it works brilliantly for many. Some of the members here swear by it so I would say if you can get over your mental block maybe give it a try in the future, if you feel the need.
In relation to the whole going out and to the pub in particular, when I finally stopped abusing AL I just didnt go any where near the pub for a couple of months because I knew I wasnt ready to be in that enviroment. When I did finally go I went with my wife and only stayed an hour, it was grand but funny because as soon as I walked in the barman went to stick on a pint of stout for me. The next time I put myself in that situation was when a gang of us went racing so I decided to be the designated driver. Boy that was an eye opener after about six hours of steady drinking as to how I undoubtably behaved previously. Not a pretty sight. I have now reached the stage where it doesnt bother me in the slightest to be in the company of drinkers but it did take time to get there. I would imagine it will be the same for you.
I am delighted to hear the resolve in your posts, you sound very determined and that is what it will take. You will do this and find the place where you are comfortable. I would advise you that you have the rest of your life ahead of you and Rome wasnt built in a day. Give yourself credit for how far you have come, it will get easier with time.

[Davie Souter]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Hi KTab,
Great post and fills me with hope as I want to be in a situation where I can go out and socialise around people drinking.

Reasons not to drink.
1) Absolutely nothing positive comes from me drinking
2) My most difficult times from childhood to adulthood have been as a direct or indirect result of my own or someone elses (father's) alcohol abuse
3) Alcoholism is progressive - I don't want to look back in 1,2,3 or more years to be further along my downward spiral having wasted this opportunity to nip it in the bud while I still can.
4) I have a relationship of fun & mischievous (spelling?) with all my nieces and nephews and I want dearly to retain this. However I don't ever want them to feel sorry for me or embarassed by me. I want them to always be proud of me and know they can rely on me. One way to achieving this is to stop pissing my life and hard earned money away at the weekends and start to reach my true potential.
5) No more dark (almost suicidal) thoughts after a binge - guilt about the hundreds Euro spent, making a fool of myself and missing work - and asking myself why have I done this to myself again?
6) No more blackouts wondering how I got home - dreading what I have said and done.
7) I can be loud, obnoxious, rude and arrogant when drunk. I don't want people to see me like this as this not the real me.
8) I know my life will be far more happier, fun and prosperous without AL
9) I want to prove to myself I have the balls and willpower to be different to the herd and do this
10) Because I woke up this morning and it was a beautiful day and I was so happy to be able to appreciate it.
11) AL has taken far more from me than I have ever gotten from it.
12) I want Monday to be like every other day of the week not a day to dread and just get through due to a hangover. Life is too short to be wasting days.
13) No AL means no recreational use of illegal drugs.
14) I have never regretted not drinking but have often regretted taking that first drink.
15) I love the gym. When not drinking I have far more energy for it and make far more progress in my training
16) I am a far more confident & friendlier person without AL.
17) I simply cannot handle booze - I'm drunk after 5 pints & then I have lost control.
18) Davie + AL = unmanageble chaos.
19) Because I don't want to have to lie to my boss about being sick again.

[Emmy S]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Dave ~ Hope your having a good day , You have many great reasons why not to drink , ODAT my friend:h Did you get on DrinkTracker??? I know it really keeps me grounded ,honest and accountable to myself:l Em

[Davie Souter]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Emmy S;766313 wrote: Dave ~ Hope your having a good day , You have many great reasons why not to drink , ODAT my friend:h Did you get on DrinkTracker??? I know it really keeps me grounded ,honest and accountable to myself:l Em

Hi Emmy,
Feeling good today. My resolve is stronger than ever - banishing any ambivalent thoughts I did have. Have to be honest with myself, I simply cannot drink. Even one drink ever is too big a risk for me. I know that I every time I'm tempted too go out and drink I need to stop and think and every time I make that decision not too drink will be 110% the right decision for me.

How are you getting on?

[cooner5]

Reasons Not To Drink/Davie's Days

Hello - I'm new here and would like to know if there is a open discussion here online. If so how do I get there?