near death experience

[chopper]

hi.
Chopper here from Australia. Had 12 days up (I think?), then "just a few" to help me with some extreme personal difficulties, very stressed. Uncle found me near death, not breating. CPR, hospital, DTs, horror all round. Family thought I had died. Back from the dead though. Absolute horror. Still shaky but getting there
Have to give, not take but feel so tired.
Need help but will have nap for now.
Failed again. Day 3 today. At least I refrained from drinking the handcleaner in hospital this time. Pretty bad when that is an improvement.
Choppy.

[Doggygirl]

near death experience

Chopper, I'm so glad you are still here among us. Sometimes we forget that we are dealing with a deadly substance. "A drink" to ease stress takes me to a bad place just like it takes you. There is no "a drink" in my world. My favorite drink is "more."

What can we do to help you not take a drink today Chopper? I know that if I can do this, you can too.

DG

[redhibiscus]

near death experience

Chopper, Thanks so much for being so honest in sharing what happened. I am very grateful that you are getting the care you need right now. Please continue to post and ask for support. We are here for you. There must be a very special reason that you are here and able to express hope to the rest of us....you will find this reason. You have so much to give, right now focus on feeling better and gaining strength. Take care.

[mighty mouse]

near death experience

chopper, glad to hear you are still here. Get as much help as you can from the hospital.
that must have been a very scarey experiance for you. That damn AL invadeing your beautiful person trying to claim you. Remember you had 12 days AF. that is amazing. remember how that felt. Start again and what ever you need for support. How can we help?

All here for each other, Love,mM

[shirazgirl]

near death experience

Hey Chopper
That is absolutely frightful. Not a very religous person, but I do believe that you may be getting a sign from our universe somewhere that it is time to stop. Being near death is the closest you will be to actual being dead. Sound like you gave yourself and family a good scare.

You are worth saving. You must believe that. You were given this life for a purpose. Sometimes it takes time for us to find exactly what that may be. We may be given great challenges to realize what there meanings are.

Hang in there and keep coming here for support. Remember, there is a real person behind every post that you read. We are not just an audio synch program. Lean, lean away.

[chopper]

near death experience

Thank you all....I could sense the sincerity in your responses. It is a scary disease - I really felt my mortality this time - I keep doing it for others, esp my adorable little 6 yr old son....but for first time I really thought "I am not invincible". I can actually die. Not that that would bother me so much but my son and I are so close and he would lose his Mummy. Also my partner is a widower so I have a 17 yr old boy who needs me and would be badly affected - we lost his cousin who was his hero last year to suicide.
Tonight, despite raging headache am helping him get ready for his year 12 school formal dinner/dance. He even let me do his hair (can you mess it up a bit please?) and tie his tie for him. Another day, tomorrow day 4.
PS Also, can't handle some of the snotty attitudes of some of the nurses when you "turn up again"!. Some are lovely, most are OK, and some are just plain judgemental snots!

[Angelcakes]

near death experience

Hey Chops...geez mate, it's a good lesson to us all to remember it IS deadly.
Great going on Day 4 again...and your partner's son is lucky to have you to mess up his hair for him!! He'll remember that...
Have you got a plan for the next time the desire to drink hits?? (Happening to me right now - f***ing sux - posting, drinking soda water, reading, getting through it - knowing that it will pass) Don't go back there...as Shiraz says - lean away.

xo

[chopper]

near death experience

plan? AA when I can, posting on this website, trying to detach from stress, exercise, movies, phone, son, scared to go back to work but I should - prob is don't want to stuff up and ruin my career. As it is I have lost licence which makes my partic job difficult - don't even remember getting in the bloody thing...fell asleep at traffic lights and recorded BAL 0.33. When I get down about it I thank God I didn't kill anyone.
Isolating is bad for me, too. That's one of the reasons I like this site - it really is anyonymous, for one when we all know AA isn't precisely that. Also even when feeling depressed, sore (bad neck), tired you can still reach out without risking not being able to get off the phone from a well-meaning but sometimes overly passionate member!
Good luck Angelcakes, and thanks for the chat again!
Chopster

[mighty mouse]

near death experience

chopper, Glad to hear day 3. you've survived quite an ordeal. you are a valuable and precious gift to the world. think of all the good you have done for others and try to give that to yourself. think of all the difference you have made in many peoples lives. you are wonderful and beautiful there is no bad thing about you...it is the disease that is bad not you at all....AL would like to make you think it is you...thats it's deception..thats the big fat lie..... AL is a toxic friend, or an abusive parent trying to belittle you...don't believe it...your light will shine so bright it will be scary.. AL just wants to snuff it out, it wants nothing good for you....Don't be afraid of your power!! And those judgemental nurses.. they are just working on the side of AL, trying to keep you down so you feel unworthy...AH that clever AL. it has many helpers in its quest to snuff out a bright light. Throw out the guilt and the self loathing those are all AL helpers...You are loved.. you are love, you are goodness and light...Shine on my friend!

love MM

[chopper]

near death experience

thanks mm

That was really nice, thank you. As you prob know we alkies don't feel loveable a lot. I do know that I love a lot of people though, very easily. Not myself particularly though.
When you are in hospital it doesn't help when the Dr pulls a flimsy curtain around your bed (for privacy!!!) and then proceeds to enquire AT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE about what you drank, how often, how you need to stop OR YOU WILL DIE blah blah blah. Then opens the curtain again just so the REALLY sick people can examine the weak-willed girl taking up hospital beds.
It is really easy to love other alkies though, isn't it? Sick, well, recovering, or nearly dead.
It is easy to laugh along with them when you should be crying in despair even.
Have a great day mm and all you other comrades!
Choppyx

[Wally22]

near death experience

Chopper, you don't know me, although I have read your posts, but I don't post often. Your description of the ordeal with the doctor in the hospital and the flimsy curtains, really struck a cord with me.
I hope this is your last experience of that sort of callous behavious. By that I mean I hope you don't relapse. It is embarassing to be in a hospital regardless of your condition. But to experience shame as well as pain is a double whammy.
I am so pleased that you have survived this ordeal and are in a position to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. I am sure your family is over the moon that you are back as well. That must have been scary for all involved.
Please continue to post, I empathise with your condition and I am cheering on your healing. Don't let minor setbacks put you off. They are part of our condition.
Know that you are loved and admired, even by lurkers such as I.

[chopper]

near death experience

g'day wally

:thanks: that was really nice of you wally. I didn't even know there were "lurkers" out there but it's nice to know one now!
Hope we can be mates
Chopper-the-invincible on day 4!x

[beautifulred]

near death experience

As you prob know we alkies don't feel loveable a lot. I do know that I love a lot of people though, very easily. Not myself particularly though.

How very true but sad my friend.....true but sad. I have no advise at this time as I am feeling much the same BUT....there have been some real pearls printed on this website about starting to self love....we just need to review them often...hippie and rubywillow have had some posts that really meant alot to me.

[chopper]

near death experience

dear red

In an "As Bill Sees It" writing he says that the discipline of an alcoholic comes through both great love and great suffering. I totally relate to that.:upset::h

[Angelcakes]

near death experience

Hey Chops, just sayin' hi!
How goes it??