I can't take it anymore!!!

[Nancy68]

:upset:I am so discouraged.. I don't see how I can quit... and for good.. the obsession is so strong.. I am so... anxious... and depressed all the time.. It's seems to be the only thing I have to make me FEEL NOTHING.. I don't wanna feel.. any emotion.. any sadness anyway. Please help me.. I just wanna stop drinking.. before I lose it all... I have lost my children, some of my family.. and I don't wanna lose more.. around me... I hate alcohol for what it does to me.. what I have become and I crave it?... what's wrong with me?? please someone tell me. !!! :upset:

[shirazgirl]

I can't take it anymore!!!

Hi Nancy,
What's wrong with you is the same thing that is wrong with everyone else here. We have bad wiring. We are not normal in the way we perceive alcohol. We can't take it or leave it. One just gets the wheels turning and it's like chasing the dragon. If one or two makes us feel good/nothing, won't more be even more delightful. We don't have that "off" switch that kicks in with normal people. Most people who experiences any consequences from drinking, will stop because they are undesirable cosequences. For us, we can get our car doors blown off and stop on the way back home at the bottle shop because it was a stressful experience.

It is alcholism and to some, it's a very ugly word. I know it was to me when I realized that I had turned into exactly what my Dad was. I NEVER thought I would be this way and I didn't drink until I was 35 and this was mostly because my children seemed to no longer need me. I thought I was social drinking, and I was, for about five years. Then the chip got turned on. I was drinking to much and starting to experience negative consequences. I don't have to tell you because it seems you have your run of them too. You would think falling down the stair five days before my wedding and boasting a black eye would do it. But no, I had to go on Holiday and taste every wine there was available. That's enjoying yourself right? I'm sure I did if I remembered half of it. Everything starts to face, the losses become more significant and one day I woke up and knew it was enough. I started here with the hopes of becoming a moderate drinker. After my 30 days (the first week was tough, I was never physically addicted but mentally I was effed). Than I noticed things started to turn around relatively quickly. I was getting more done, I was feeling much, much better. My skin, hair, nails and weight started to shift to the person I used to be. I was starting to see rewards. These rewards are keeping me in this game.

Someone once said to me "a good jockey lets the horse run". Well in my case, he ran off the track and down a one way street. Don't be so hard on yourself. The reality is, is that it all starts with us. Drinking is ruining your life and the only way out of this is to stop. There are so many resourceful threads, tools and people here. I needed to learn to post and read and offer other people help, even it was ever so little w/ my infancy in the world of sobriety. Please consider that you are worth saving and you CAN undo the damage that you have done once you restore your faith in yourself. People who love you will see you courage and eventually their faith in you will to be restored.

I hope this helps. You can pm me if you need to. Much positive energy heading toward the border...SG

[shirazgirl]

I can't take it anymore!!!

Hi Nancy,
What's wrong with you is the same thing that is wrong with everyone else here. We have bad wiring. We are not normal in the way we perceive alcohol. We can't take it or leave it. One just gets the wheels turning and it's like chasing the dragon. If one or two makes us feel good/nothing, won't more be even more delightful. We don't have that "off" switch that kicks in with normal people. Most people who experiences any consequences from drinking, will stop because they are undesirable cosequences. For us, we can get our car doors blown off and stop on the way back home at the bottle shop because it was a stressful experience.

It is alcholism and to some, it's a very ugly word. I know it was to me when I realized that I had turned into exactly what my Dad was. I NEVER thought I would be this way and I didn't drink until I was 35 and this was mostly because my children seemed to no longer need me. I thought I was social drinking, and I was, for about five years. Then the chip got turned on. I was drinking to much and starting to experience negative consequences. I don't have to tell you because it seems you have your run of them too. You would think falling down the stair five days before my wedding and boasting a black eye would do it. But no, I had to go on Holiday and taste every wine there was available. That's enjoying yourself right? I'm sure I did if I remembered half of it. Everything starts to face, the losses become more significant and one day I woke up and knew it was enough. I started here with the hopes of becoming a moderate drinker. After my 30 days (the first week was tough, I was never physically addicted but mentally I was effed). Than I noticed things started to turn around relatively quickly. I was getting more done, I was feeling much, much better. My skin, hair, nails and weight started to shift to the person I used to be. I was starting to see rewards. These rewards are keeping me in this game.

Someone once said to me "a good jockey lets the horse run". Well in my case, he ran off the track and down a one way street. Don't be so hard on yourself. The reality is, is that it all starts with us. Drinking is ruining your life and the only way out of this is to stop. There are so many resourceful threads, tools and people here. I needed to learn to post and read and offer other people help, even it was ever so little w/ my infancy in the world of sobriety. Please consider that you are worth saving and you CAN undo the damage that you have done once you restore your faith in yourself. People who love you will see you courage and eventually their faith in you will to be restored.

I hope this helps. You can pm me if you need to. Much positive energy heading toward the border...SG
Today 10:30 PM

[shirazgirl]

I can't take it anymore!!!

I don't know why this posted 2X and don't know how to delete it...sorry.

[Doggygirl]

I can't take it anymore!!!

Hi Nancy. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Most of us here have felt the same level of desparation that you are feeling right now. I personally was so fearful and depressed that during the end of my "drinking years" (which was over 30 years) I had a suicide plan.

With the help of My Way Out and the supplements, hypnosis CD's and diet / exercise recommendations, and now the addition of AA, I will be celebrating 1.5 years sober on Sunday. I am LIVING again and LOVING IT!

If I can do this, you can too. Lots of people here completely understand where you are, and can offer you support and encouragement as you work like crazy to change what's going on.

I strongly suggest you start by downloading and reading the My Way Out book. You can do that through the Health Store and you get it on your computer right away.

Also, this is a great Toolbox thread with lots of helpful ideas. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Shirazgirl offered GREAT input. I hope you will join us on this journey. It's a hard road, but the rewards are worth it.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[TranqWilly]

I can't take it anymore!!!

"I hate alcohol for what it does to me.. what I have become and I crave it?... what's wrong with me?? please someone tell me. !!!"

Nancy, nothing is "wrong" with you. You hate alcohol. You hate what it's done to you. What you've become and the fact that you crave are absolutely part of the deal. It's not wrong, it just is.

You're here because you've realized something very special and important. There is a way out, but to get out you have to go in. Go inside and recognize the good in there that brought you here -- that hates alcohol -- and wants change more than anything. Set aside the small voice in your mind that wants to criticize and be negative and look for guilt and excuses. None of that matters - trust the good part - it's there.

You've taken a very big step in coming here. There is an abundance of help and understanding. The supplements and cds were a godsend for me. I thought I was beyond hope. This place gave me the opportunity to change myself, how I think and what I do. It's amazing what a clear head can do.

Read what's here and ask questions about what you don't understand. Many others have gone before us and are still here caring and helping.

Be very good to yourself and trust that you can find the way.

Take care.
tw

[lodestar]

I can't take it anymore!!!

Dear Nancy,

Welcome and boy can I relate to the "what's wrong with me" thing! I think we probably all can. Deep down, we know what is wrong, it comes to the surface, and we find ourselves here -- reaching out for support. Well, you've got it! Support is yours for the taking and take all you need to get to where you want to be. Like Shiraz and Doggygirl said, there are many resources available here and YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I'm new at this whole thing (just a day shy of 3 weeks without alcohol for me). The anxiety and depression is made worse by the drinking, but of course, we medicate with it because it seems like the option to numb the pain for awhile -- and numb us it does. But it also creates a spiral of more anxiety, depression, hopelessness, and (as you've said) loss and eventually we find that the numbing comes with so many horrible effects that we want something different for ourselves -- a way out of the agony.

Great job posting and keep coming back! You will find your way out of this and there will be people to support you along the way -- all paths start with a single step and you've just taken it. Hold on there, it can get better! Hope to "see" you around.

Best wishes,
Lode

[Winefree]

I can't take it anymore!!!

You have the disease of alcoholism, just like the rest of us.
It isn't easy at first quitting the booze, since we are obsessed and have the craving despite all the negative things AL has done to us. The anxiety and depression are part of AL and AL just makes it worse.
Download the info as Doggygirl said. Use the tools and get started. It is a journey that is worth the effort to free yourself from the ropes of AL.
Good luck in your efforts.

Winefree

[chopper]

I can't take it anymore!!!

good luck with today

Hi Nancy, I am the most hard-wired alcoholic you could meet. My Dr says it is actually hard-wired into my primitive brain. When I am not drinking I am a competent person. I drink because I think it will make me more competent, for the effect...to make me BETTER somehow....and also just for the sheer euphoria of that first hit. Then of course the refills become larger and larger, with the euphoria becoming correspondingly less and less.
Still I can't do it by rationalisation. I am struggling and need people who understand.
Let's try and do it together.
Choppy.:welcome:

[planetjanet]

I can't take it anymore!!!

:goodjob: Nancy and Choppy

Ditto on all the advice that you have been given and best of luck. It's not easy but yes it's so well worth it. Try not to beat yourself about this because honestly it just makes manners worse, just keep posting or better yet maybe you can help someone out with their struggles and soon enough your plan will come your way. You can do it....

Lots hugs,
Janet

[redhibiscus]

I can't take it anymore!!!

Nancy,
Welcome to this site and bravo to your strength and courage in coming here and telling us how it is for you. I was blown away by shirazgirl's post and think it posted two times for a reason. I needed to read it twice. Doggygirl too is amazing with her message of strength, hope, and practical tools. This is hard work and time consuming, but so worth it. You can do this, start by reading and posting and getting the MWO book, and making a plan. We are here to support you. Just ask.:h:l

[mario]

I can't take it anymore!!!

welcome nancy, has as been said already here,you are not alone,We all started out feeling lost and hopeless,but this is a great community here with great advice & support,hope you stick around
always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.odaat.

[Bree]

I can't take it anymore!!!

Nancy,
As othe other posters have said, you are not alone. I was on here back in Sept/Oct doing great, then I got all cocky and fell back into the alcohol trap. I too am on a total low, want to crawl out of the cesspit I have created for myself. With the help of MWO we can do it,
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
I am on Day 5 (again) AF, but the sweats and sleepless nights are kicking in again, which doesn't help. Be strong and kind to yourself, you are worth it.
:butterfly: Imagine the butterfly in you emerging. Take care and keep posting.XX

[My New Beginning]

I can't take it anymore!!!

Hi Nancy
Welcome to MWO. You have found a great place for support.
It all happens just one day at a time. Can you just try to be alcohol free for a day? Keep coming back and reading the posts. Get RJs book and read it. I wish you the best on your journey to a better life.:l

[Nancy68]

I can't take it anymore!!!

Thank you all for the support, I need it badly. I feel somewhat hopeful this morning... at least.. there is a glimmer of hope in me... this morning compared to yesterday. Despite knowing and being a member of AA for almost 2 years now, I have not been consistant. The overwhelming cravings, the low self-esteem or the absence of it... (actually...) has crept up on me.. multiple times every day!! Even though I do not drink everyday... I binge drink when I do.. It's not the first glass.. it's the first sip in my case, then I'm done for, I have realized a long time ago now that I can not moderate the drinking, I must be abstinent !! but BOY... that easier said than done, I know I'm not alone, but the guilt and shame of it all, has kept me from reaching out in the critical.. 'craving' times, even to alcoholics like me... I try to overrationalize.. and that is not good... the overanalysis of my situation has left me feeling like.. no one could understand.. and I'm so.. ashamed.. how could I tell someone this!!!.. I'm a good person.. I know this.. but it seems that my alcoholism or the fact that I am.. makes me forget this.. I overbears.. all of my qualities.. that are in there somewhere!!! I will try to download the book today.. and as for the supplements, I am ready to try anything.. but my financial situation does not permit it... for now!! I take what you all suggest to me very seriously, cause I don't know how many times.. I said.. 'never again' but I can say to you honestly, I don't want to die.. but I sure as heck don't want to live like this anymore!!... God willing.. I will get through today... and hope for a better tomorrow. Thanks all!! :thanks: