I'm back- unfortunately

[matchee]

Here I am- haven't posted in 6 months to a year. Not that I've abstained- just hid it better. Got busted last night by my wife. She's done- kicking me out of the house. What do I do? I want to stay but I think if I do I'm just trivializing her threats. This is the only power she has. Maybe I leave? I love her and my two kids but obviously if i keep sneaking drinks then I'm no good. Any advice? She's had it- I know she loves me but she just wants me to stop.

[De-Sauced]

I'm back- unfortunately

Sorry to hear that Matchee. While I have not been kicked out, the sneaking and being caught has as well happened to me.
My wife knows that I subscribe to MWO. She is not a drinker, but exposing her to the site and showing that I am not the only one with a problem, does help to have home support.
How open are you with your wife?

[matchee]

I'm back- unfortunately

I'm open with her- we've been married for 10 years. I've been to AA, psychologist and jail. I think she's just given up on me. She says that if it was one our children- she's do the same and I agree.

How can I show her that I want to quit?

When I don't know that I can?

[De-Sauced]

I'm back- unfortunately

Tough question for a tough situation. The results of your actions will show her your commitment. As you said, you do not want to trivialize her threats. Perhaps if you do leave home, and abstain from alchohol for a while, you can come back home reformed.

When you went to AA, the psychologist and jail, were their any positive results that came out of it, that you can now capitalize on?

I personally find that having alchohol at home make it way to easy to hit the bottle. Buying it as well, where we have liquor stores every couple of miles. My big challenge is to remove all temptation. I work out of my house which makes it even easier to be tempted. But I have found that after a few days of being AF, a new feeling of encouragment comes about with a greater sense of success. Hanging on to that feeling can be hard sometimes, when challenges in the daily grind come. Seek alternative activities with your kids and/or wife.

If possible, frequently visit MWO, this provides good insight and support.

[Lo0p]

I'm back- unfortunately

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I found the solution to my alcoholism one month after my fiancee left me. I hope you can find a way to keep it all together.

You could try something new, something proven to be effective: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...hod-38475.html

My heart goes out to you and your family. :h

[Suni]

I'm back- unfortunately

How can I show her that I want to quit?

Are you for real?
I think the obvious answer would be by quitting.

[matchee]

I'm back- unfortunately

I appreciate your heartfelt replies.

It's so strange how alcohol controls your life. There is something in my brain that kind of convinces me that alcohol is good for me. I drink at least a pint of cheap vodka per night and it really wreaks havoc on my digestive system. What is wrong with me? I'm college educated and have some how managed to have a successful career and 2 beautiful children along with a beautiful wife.
Why am I so mesmerized by this demon?

[Suni]

I'm back- unfortunately

What is wrong with me?

How much honesty can you take?

[matchee]

I'm back- unfortunately

Suni;760801 wrote: How much honesty can you take?

I can take all of it. I know. It's all up to me.

[tassimo]

I'm back- unfortunately

Hey matchee...it is SO hard,,I know! I had a bad vodka habit too. You just have to replace it with a better habit. And take it one minute at a time at first if you need to. If you are craving the AL, leave the house, take a walk, whatever you need to do in the beginning. It will get easier. You will feel better and then suddenly you won't want to drink any more because you feel so good. There will be hard times but the key is pushing through them. A craving lasts anywhere from 30 seconds to 5 minutes then it's gone. You can get through 5 minutes...right? YES!!!!

[matchee]

I'm back- unfortunately

tassimo;760813 wrote: Hey matchee...it is SO hard,,I know! I had a bad vodka habit too. You just have to replace it with a better habit. And take it one minute at a time at first if you need to. If you are craving the AL, leave the house, take a walk, whatever you need to do in the beginning. It will get easier. You will feel better and then suddenly you won't want to drink any more because you feel so good. There will be hard times but the key is pushing through them. A craving lasts anywhere from 30 seconds to 5 minutes then it's gone. You can get through 5 minutes...right? YES!!!!

That's the deal- I really only have the craving on my way home from work. Sometimes I don't even have the craving. But i buy it anyway and force myself. It's like my mind somehow convinces me that it's medicine that i need to take. Social event? Need a buzz. Mowing the yard? Need a buzz. Saturday morning? Need a buzz. Hungry? Need a buzz.

[Lo0p]

I'm back- unfortunately

Here is a segment which explains quite succinctly why you are not able to control your urges. This has absolutely nothing to do with what I mentioned earlier about The Sinclair Method.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byain0Vo5mo[/video]]YouTube - Baclofen dramatically reduces cocaine craving

edit: or, rather, why it feels like you have no control

[De-Sauced]

I'm back- unfortunately

Yup Matchee. Reading your posts is exactly my behavior (and I work hard to eliminate it). I have both legs on the wagon, but sometimes, one comes off...

Tassimo is right on. Find what can make the urges pass and focus on them. I found that doing activities with the kids works well, where I have to closely interact with them (games, puzzles, walks with the dog, etc...) where and need my full attention. Better yet, include your wife.

It is not easy, otherwise this site would either not exist or have very few members. Stay connected

[Suni]

I'm back- unfortunately

Why am I so mesmerized by this demon?
Hi Matchee,
I asked how much honesty you could take because it's clear from what you say that you don't want to stop. What you want to do is whine. When you are serious about quitting you won't be asking "What is wrong with me?" You'll be saying: "I've decided to quit and I'm going to do whatever it takes. Can I count on some support from you guys?" At this point, I'll be there for you, but meanwhile I'm not interested in holding your hand and playing your 'poor ol me, what is wrong with me, I'm college educated and ought to know better' games.
If that sounds harsh it's because I'm not a bleeding heart and I doubt that's what you need anyway. You need someone to kick your butt into action. I hope it won't be long before you get it together while you still have a lovely wife and family you can count on.

[Zeppie2]

I'm back- unfortunately

Hi Matchee, Suni is right - you really have to want to stop - there are many of us here that have let relationships slide away because at the time we felt drinking was more important to us.

You have two choices - continue on the way you are going and lose your wife and family OR lose the alcohol, you may be sitting there thinking that alcohol is your best mate but it is not alcohol is a jerk that ruins everything.

Give 30 days AF a try and see how you feel, believe me it's worth it.

Good luck with whatever you decide