I'm back- unfortunately

[planetjanet]

I'm back- unfortunately

Hi Matchee,

I agree with everyone's advice and yet can't but feel bad for what you are going through, it's tough and we all know that. But trust me my friend when I tell you that once you have a few days clear headed, it will all start to come clear and becomes more clearer each day that you are AF that you made the right choice. Sometimes I watch or read shows like A&E Intervention, Cops or our local news about a drunken car crash where a teenager or innocent by stander dies and think wow this is what alcohol does to people's lives, it's awful...that's my wake up call. And I think you are having yours.......don't hit the "snooze" or I should I say "booze" button, get up and make it happen.....

Best of luck and keep us posted......You can do this!!!

Lots of hugs,
Janet

[Trish]

I'm back- unfortunately

Hi Matchee,

Perhaps, you have untreated alcoholism. Perhaps, you are an alcoholic who hasn't found his way out, yet. Perhaps there are mental health issues that haven't been addressed. Perhaps, the dopamine rush is what your craving.

Many of us know that we have used alcohol for everything, anything & for nothing at all. That's why it's so baffling for some of us. It's about changing the way we feel.

I'm not here to kick you when your down. Yet, sugar coating this disease isn't helpful either. Can you figure out what you need to not drink for just one day? Do you respond better to tough love, or encouragement?

You sound like how the BB describes being at the jumping off point. In my opinion you sound ambivalent. Can't live with it or without it. It sounds like you are scared of the consequences that your choices and behavior have lead to.

What are you willing to do different? Have you tried any supplements to help you deal with those crazy~mad cravings. Have you tried counseling, or op re-hab?

It does sound like you are beginning to get more honest with yourself. Don't give up Matchee. Your relationship with alcohol is changing. Hopefully, more & more into one that you think~ believe is destroying your soul. I think you know whats at stake here. You can start right where you are, to begin the process of change, but it's going to take action on your part.

I pray you will start to make a plan to do something different. Keep posting, don't deny yourself the possibility of hope. You & your family are worth it!

[adi]

I'm back- unfortunately

Hi,
I can offer a bit of advice, my craving come when in the car passing a shop.
Shall I, shan't I, in the end you buy it thinking, I'll only drink it if i'm desperate,
but you know you will.

This has worked for me a bit, but early stages,
go home without stopping at the shops for anything, with the clear thaught that if you get desperate you can always go out and buy some late.
Get some other drinks,water, fizzy whatever
drink them instead, especially if craving gets strong.
I hid behind "what if I pass out with withdrawals" and other excuses, but in the end you have to take the step.

Read a lot of the other posts here - help yourself, no-one else can.
We do offer support here though.

Suni - I could have done with a kick up the but from you a few months ago.

Andrew.

[matchee]

I'm back- unfortunately

And here I am again. Been drinking again. Usually a pint of vodka at home. Wife found out last night and proceeded to beat up my car because she knows I take pride in it. I really am not mad at her. I'm mad at myself. It's like she can see I don't care enough about my family to quit so she's trying anything she can to have me wake up. The thing is - I still have a bottle and I really think I'll drink it tonight.

It's like she's going to have to kick me out and divorce my ass before I will wake up.

This is a powerful drug.

[techie]

I'm back- unfortunately

Hey matchee I'm techie. Listen you're back that's GREAT. Obviously, your here again because you want to stop the madness. Right? So here's what I would do and it's going to take so guts on your part. POUR THAT SHITE DOWN THE SINK! Tell your wife you are back in with a collective whole of support at MWO and start again on the right path. Hope this helps. I wish I had written this to myself the night before my wife and daughter threw me out of the house. Keep in touch and stay connected to MWO...techie

[not tonight]

I'm back- unfortunately

Hi Matchee - I understand your wife's frustration. I have become that frustrated and angry with my husband, not over drinking, money issues. I understand the desperation of trying to get him to realise that what he is doing will eventually ruin the lives of everyone in the family. That means our two kids. The power that that bottle of vodka has over you right now is strong, but it can not be stronger than the love you have for your two children and your wife. And when you say "she's going to have to kick me out and divorce my ass before I wake up." you are not being responsible for your actions. It is not your wife's responsibility to get you sober, it is down to you. Additionally, why would you even contemplate letting things go so far. Why would you allow that bottle of vodka to rain down that kind of destruction on the lives of your family that only a divorce can? Not fair. They love you.

The BBC did a documentary on alcoholism which you may want to watch. Here is the link.
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ary-37717.html

There is a great deal of support, information and camaraderie on this site, glad you are here.

[Change]

I'm back- unfortunately

Try a few days AF and see how you feel. Guaranteed you'll feel better. Don't lose the wife and kids.

[savon19]

I'm back- unfortunately

Matchee - it sounds like you have a little "self-sabotage" going on - which is a result of "self loathing".

May I suggest that the self loathing will be off the chart if you BLOW keeping your family together?

If you think things are dark now, you will be in a blackness that you may never get out of IF you don't do whatever is necessary.

I envy you in a way that you have something like that to fight FOR! (I don't...)

Take antibuse (or whatever it's called) if you have to... You really have too much too lose.

[mollyka]

I'm back- unfortunately

Matchee, I agree with all the above. The fact that you can put in words the fact that basically its Family -Booze? Family -Booze? This is NO equation. Some of us fall into that mess unwittingly, doesn't make it better or easier but you KNOW what you are doing. Sorry if this is a bit tough but yes it is hard, we wouldn't all be here if it wasn't hard but you are the one who puts the glass to your mouth. Do whatever it takes, get a couple of days free of the booze, look around and smell the coffee. Maybe when the alcohol is out of your system go to your doc and get Antabuse or whatever it takes, YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TO LOOSE!
Grab this opportunity before it's too late. I was in love with a vodka bottle as well, trust me, its no substitute for a family
Molly

[Change]

I'm back- unfortunately

savon19;863186 wrote: Matchee - it sounds like you have a little "self-sabotage" going on - which is a result of "self loathing".

I was going to say that about 'self sabotage', but i didn't know it is linked up to self loathing. Very interesting!

[hippie37]

I'm back- unfortunately

It's like she's going to have to kick me out and divorce my ass before I will wake up.

It doesn't have to be this way. You have to ask yourself: "What lengths am I willing to go to, to get sober." If you stay in the same mindset (that I used to call my 'Hendrixsyndrome') nothing is going to change for you. You can keep playing the victim or you can stop pissing about and make the changes in your life to become a better husband and father. BUT; you have to want to do it for YOU.

Alcoholism is crippling not just for the alcoholic but for EVERYONE who is close to them. They all get sucked into our vortex and it's emotionally damaging for everyone. I would back your wife %100 with her actions because she has to keep herself emotionally well and fit to be a mother to your children. She cannot do that whilst she is in turmoil over your drinking.

So what lengths ARE you willing to go to matchee? You can continue playing the victim the rest of your life if you want. It's no skin of my nose at the end of the day. Or you can stop pissing about and do WHATEVER it takes to get well and have a decent life.

Many Blessings
Phil

[matchee]

I'm back- unfortunately

Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom- I'm going to keep coming back. BTW does anyone know how to adjust the time so I know when others have posted?

Thanks