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**startingover** · November 22, 2009, 11:22 AM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Hi Savvy, at least you tried something. Trying different approaches is a great way of learning what works and what doesnt.
I too feel as if I have lost some control over myself this weekend, not with AL but with pills. To me its the same sort of destructive cycle of attempting to numb feelings though.
Good for you for coming back, Its good to see you.

**brightlite** · November 22, 2009, 11:47 AM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Savon,

You and I are still struggling. I hate the struggle. Everyone who has Abstained a while says it is just so much easier. The struggle is exhausting! Let's be kind to ourselves. Let's give ourselves a wonderful gift. It's a hard time of the year, but then again every time of the year is hard when you try to quit. Savvy, check in with me on the ODAT thread each day. It's a start.

What else do you do to fill your time since you are not working? Do you get exercise, go for a walk, meet up with friends or are in any groups? The key is not to isolate yourself. Believe me I know how easy it is to "squirrel" away (sorry starty) from the world. I'm forcing myself to reconnect with old friends, I'm trying to exercise daily and meet new people in a non-alcoholic setting. It is work! Because alcoholism will not just go away....it is chronic and we will need to work on it for the rest of our lives. Pick yourself up, dust off and stand ready to fight again. Let's do it.

**Doggygirl** · November 22, 2009, 02:59 PM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Savon, as I was reading your post, the thoughts that came to my mind are reflected in Starty's words - keep trying different things until you find what works. You also mentioned something really important - alcohol will kill us one way or another if we don't eventually get sobriety figured out. Sometimes it's easy to forget the serious nature of the battle we fight.

I am willing to do ANYTHING to stay sober. If you have reached that point of willingness too, then I have no doubt that you will find your way.

Starty, I'm sorry to hear that the pills are sneaking in on you but good to hear you recognize what is going on and are doing something about it. It's so easy to swap addictions without even realizing what's up. My drinking escalated big time when I quit smoking, making the drinking problem infinitely worse.

Anyway...

WE CAN DO THIS!!!! One day or hour or minute at a time.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

**startingover** · November 22, 2009, 03:02 PM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Thank you DG, It has just become very clear how fragile I can be.
I never thought with everything I had put in place that I would find myself in that state again, but it just shows me how easily everything can come crashing down.
I am feeling stronger today and am hoping I am back on track in a day or so.

**Doggygirl** · November 22, 2009, 03:20 PM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Indeed it is quite humbling to realize how fragile our sobriety really is. When I first came 'round here, I had no idea why the concept of one day at a time was important, much less how to apply it in my life. It has been so good for me, and instrumental to my sobriety to finally appreciate the meaning of ODAT. Each day we have a fresh chance to make it a good one.

So Starty, with special appreciation for all the support you give to so many around here, I am sending you huge strength vibes for today.

DG

**startingover** · November 22, 2009, 03:26 PM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Thank you DG, thats much appreciated.

Now Savvy, where are you girl, you are certainly not alone in the wheels falling off stakes, so come on lets get to it!

**savon19** · November 22, 2009, 03:55 PM

My experiment has been a Failure...

I wish I could reach through the screen and give you each a BIG hug!

:l:l:l:l

Doggy, Bright, Starting - Your words have really helped. I'm now feeling a tiny bit of hope where there was none...

Yes, Bright - I'll join you starting tomorrow on the ODAT thread...

I know I can't continue the way I have been.

But it IS hard. I'm single, as well (so no one to complain to - lol!)... And I've realized that there have been Days where I haven't left house & haven't talked to anyone 3D.

I have been able to go for fairly long periods AF this past year. Twice for month or more, a few times for a week... so I know it can be done. Not sure why some times are so much more difficult than others - but I know it's all about mindset.

I'm just back from spending a few hours at local SPCA. Spending time with the animals is a Good Thing. I was also tutoring English - need to get back to that. Keeping busy is key.

Thanks again, and I hope all of you will succeed in your goals. For me, it has to be AF. No "mod". Sad, but true.

**Doggygirl** · November 22, 2009, 04:06 PM

My experiment has been a Failure...

savon19;762696 wrote: For me, it has to be AF. No "mod". Sad, but true.

And for me too. It really was a relief when every teeny tiny last bit of "hope" I was holding out for some way to KEEP DRINKING was finally taken off the table. I hope you too are at that place where the decision is finally and firmly made, and hence you get to enjoy that bit of relief as well.

Onward and forward. I like that you are keeping busy and getting out into the land of the living! That was an important step for me as well, especially since I work from a home office. Very easy to isolate when we don't *have* to go anywhere each day...

DG

**greeneyes** · November 22, 2009, 05:06 PM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Doggygirl;762721 wrote: And for me too. It really was a relief when every teeny tiny last bit of "hope" I was holding out for some way to KEEP DRINKING was finally taken off the table. I hope you too are at that place where the decision is finally and firmly made, and hence you get to enjoy that bit of relief as well.

Onward and forward. I like that you are keeping busy and getting out into the land of the living! That was an important step for me as well, especially since I work from a home office. Very easy to isolate when we don't *have* to go anywhere each day...

DG

DITTO!!! Come on back to ODAT savvy!

**Tulipe** · November 23, 2009, 02:41 AM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Hello Soapy, may I call you Soapy?
Welcome back. I remember you from this summer, and am glad to see you again. It sounds like you and I made the same mistake - once school started, I stopped posting, and whoops by October I was really slipping and by early November I was in a deep hole. Well, I'm back, and reaching out more than before.
I too spend a lot of time alone, but to combat temptation I am making plans for each day. Could you do the same? The SPCA sounds great - what a worthwhile cause. I wish you luck, and have a great day,
Tulipe

**brightlite** · November 23, 2009, 07:08 AM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Yes Savvy, stay busy. That's great about the SPCA. See you in ODAT.

**savon19** · November 23, 2009, 07:10 AM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Yes, Tulipe - you may call me Soapy!! lol. Actually, my name came from combination of S. Avon (first initial, middle name)... but some people make the soap connection!

Making plans is a good thing. And then following through!! Often, I wake up with the idea of doing this and that... and then... "something" happens!

I just have to be prepared for when that something happens - and divert my attention. Sounds easy, doesn't it?

PS - Whoops - Hi Bright!! You & I posted at same time. Why don't You start the ODAT thread...? Anyone can, y'know.

**Blanchieboo** · November 23, 2009, 10:35 AM

My experiment has been a Failure...

Savon, thank you for the post. I am excatly where you are. Feeling like a failure. Your post and all the great reply's helped.
I'm in this with you, we can do it~

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