So today is day 1 again - and while I want to commit to 30 days - I would be so happy if I could make it through the next three - staying AF through the Thanksgiving holiday.
I have a number of social things planned with my family - a road race followed by "boody mary's and bagels" at a friends house, then I am hosting a family dinner at my house, then two different evening get togethers for "dessert and drinks" after our family guests departs - but still with my little kids. With the exception of dinner at my house, these events are focused on the drinking it is will be hard for me to have just one...OK, I know there is no way in hell that I will not drink too much if I even have one. But the truth is, I am the ONLY one that is into the booze...these are not big drinking parties and if I had club soda no one would raise an eyebrow. My other friends will have one drink, maybe two and be fine...I am finally getting honest that I just can't do that. I just have to be strong and stick to my plan not to drink - no matter what.
I am so, so afraid of getting drunk around my kids - not to mention making an ass around my friends as I ahve done before. Also, I am cooking a huge dinner and I am afraid that I will start drinking from the stress on Weds night and be hung over on Thanksgiving day...I have done this before and don't want to experience that hell again.
So I just wanted to get this off my chest and own what I want to do - have an AF thanksgiving holiday - one that I remember clearly and where I don't have regrets, shame, self loathing that I know will accompany that first sip. I will load up on my supps, listen to my hypno CDs and will check here often for the support and encouragement I always get from reading these great boards. While I want to be AF forever - my goals is to get through this next challenge -- and then go forward from there.
Thanks for listening to me...
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