What do I do?

[Cindi]

My Ex whom is an ex-alcoholic and has over 2 years sober-wants me to come live with him while I start my recovery..meanwhile my boyfriend whom I love so much and is basically the reason I want to get Sober-can't (or won't) understand what I'm going through-But...I don't wan't to lose him ever!!! But..my Ex knows what I'm dealing with and will basically do anything to get me back

Sad and confused.

[startingover]

What do I do?

Hi Cindi, Is your ex only offering to help so he can get you back? If you dont want to get back with him it would be pretty cruel to take up his offer dont you think?
Big hugs love, this is a toughy isnt it?

[dancelot]

What do I do?

Cindi -
My opinion is don't move in with your ex. Sounds like way too much potential stress. You need to do it (sobriety) on your own, get support here, or AA, or somewhere, but that looks like a real can of worms.

Trust me - my ex convinced me to be his roommate, and guess what? Moving on was very, very difficult. Part of him may mean well, but I suspect he wants to control you, get you back, or something. Or worse, make you reliant on him to be sober. Very bad!

[greeneyes]

What do I do?

Danger, danger!

Look deep down inside..... what do YOU want? Rather WHO do you want? You really have to do this yourself anyway. Not knowing any of the players, I would guess living with your ex would finish off your relationship with BF. If he doesn't "get" AL struggles, I seriously doubt he will tolerate you living w/ ex. Because you pose the "won't understand" issue, I wonder if there is some unconscious manipulation going on here on more than one surface.

Can you describe what you are going through?

[Cindi]

What do I do?

I know I have to do this for myself-But-my Ex has such a quiet conviction and reassurance that it can be done-And Today-I'm not sure-And I WILL be using him if I give him the illusion we can be together again and I did tell him that but he dosen't care-My Boyfriend is becoming abusive b/c I have opened up about this and I kept it inside so long it's like a damn Hurricane just hit...

[greeneyes]

What do I do?

Time to find another roommate?

[Cindi]

What do I do?

I know so... but in my heart I thought this would work out when I stopped drinking.-But it's kind of plain to see I can't get sober while we are together and my EX-I don't know..Had a long talk w/ him last night and like I said ..He wants to help me and I basically have no one else...

[greeneyes]

What do I do?

You have us. We can help.

[dancelot]

What do I do?

Ditch the current boyfriend if he is abusive - NEVER tolerate that! This is a separate issue from whether or not you move in with your ex.

I also think if you get AL out of your life, the drama will go away. Also, how old are you? Some things we only learn from the experience of living through them. Some of us have to learn the hard way.

You know both these individuals, I don't, but you need to ask yourself a few questions about all possibilities., and be very honest with yourself.

If you can't be truthful with the current boyfriend without him reacting this way, that's a huge red flag. Even if he is hurt or threatened by the idea of you and your ex, it is no excuse for abuse. You need to question why you love someone like this.

Would your ex really not mind if you don't get back together? Can you two truly be neutral friends? Does your own inner wisdom tell you this is not true? If so, listen to it. I suspect it is, since you say you would be using him.

Do you have other support, say family or friends to turn to? You've got two major things, the AL issue, and the bad boyfriend issue. Both are difficult, breaking up is difficult even when it is necessary, but isn't removing two negatives from your life going to make it better? Seems like both of them put you in a holding pattern for the other one - drinking (or stopping drinking) causes relationship problems - relationship problems tend to cause more drinking and make it more difficult to stop. I would also question someone who sees your stopping drinking as a problem (if it is the stopping itself).

Anyway, take a deep breath, take some time to yourself. I wish you the best - take care. :h

[AAthlete]

What do I do?

Cindi, you don't say how your ex got sober - how did he do it? I don't know what his motives are, but you are in a very vulnerable position right now, and if he really is putting your best interests at heart he will not push you to do something you don't want to....

[planetjanet]

What do I do?

Hi Cindi,

I just wanted to chime in and say that I agree with what everyone here has advised you on and wish you luck in your decision. It's a hard one but whatever you decide please have yourself in mind FIRST because the last thing you need is to make wrong decisions and it might trigger you to drink again. Anywho....best of luck girly girl : ) and remember you have LOTS of support here

Lots of hugs,
Janet

[Cindi]

What do I do?

My Ex got sober by going to live in Alaska for 3 months-(Not kidding)-I would like to think he has my best interests at heart but I just don't know about anything anymore...