For a while now I have been looking at posts on this site and smugly thinking "lucky that's not me!'.
Well I think we all know what's that's about - denial! I mean who would seek out a site like this if not for themselves or a loved one?
I think if I'm honest I have probably always had a problem with drink. when I was younger my weekend binges would be far more substantial than my friends and I recall often having blackouts. I would be told I had been walking/talking etc just fine but I could never remember a thing from say the 2nd drink and I would sometimes be told of things I'd done that were so far removed from what I thought were my standards of behaviour.
I have been promiscuous( not for a long time though - not that it makes any difference) spent money I could not afford and put myself in many risky situations.
I met my partner 10 years ago and curbed my partying quite a bit as happens with a lot of people but still didn't really ahve my drinking under control.
I think I must have done some fair damage to my liver as for a long time I began to be able to only handle 2 - 4 drinks and still I would get massive hangovers that would often last well into the next evening(& not just seedy but vomitting , mass headache, weakness ) and still I couldn't forego the drink.
When I fell pregnant with my first child in 2004 I stopped drinking. I was good throughout the pregnancy and also in between and up to the birth of my second child in 2006.
And then I fell apart- My partner had begun working away to supplement the loss of my income when our first child was born and that is still our situation today.Our daughter is almost 5 and our 3 and a half.
Somehow I've ended up drinking most days, hiding the evidence, promising myself I'll NEVER drink again, lying to my partner, being less of a mother to my two beautiful kids than thay deserve, attending several AA meetings and convincing myself I am not like those alkies- and feeling so guilty and weak.
I know I need help, I feel it everyday when I look at my kids and see their hurt because mummy is grumpy as usual because mummy has a freakin' hangover..
How the f--- did I get here?????I have no excuses, I have no REAL trauma or reason to bury my memories or feelings.
I had a difficult upbringing but not in the usual sense - it's hard to explain.....
I don't know where to start and I feel very, very alone in this...
Well I think we all know what's that's about - denial! I mean who would seek out a site like this if not for themselves or a loved one?
I think if I'm honest I have probably always had a problem with drink. when I was younger my weekend binges would be far more substantial than my friends and I recall often having blackouts. I would be told I had been walking/talking etc just fine but I could never remember a thing from say the 2nd drink and I would sometimes be told of things I'd done that were so far removed from what I thought were my standards of behaviour.
I have been promiscuous( not for a long time though - not that it makes any difference) spent money I could not afford and put myself in many risky situations.
I met my partner 10 years ago and curbed my partying quite a bit as happens with a lot of people but still didn't really ahve my drinking under control.
I think I must have done some fair damage to my liver as for a long time I began to be able to only handle 2 - 4 drinks and still I would get massive hangovers that would often last well into the next evening(& not just seedy but vomitting , mass headache, weakness ) and still I couldn't forego the drink.
When I fell pregnant with my first child in 2004 I stopped drinking. I was good throughout the pregnancy and also in between and up to the birth of my second child in 2006.
And then I fell apart- My partner had begun working away to supplement the loss of my income when our first child was born and that is still our situation today.Our daughter is almost 5 and our 3 and a half.
Somehow I've ended up drinking most days, hiding the evidence, promising myself I'll NEVER drink again, lying to my partner, being less of a mother to my two beautiful kids than thay deserve, attending several AA meetings and convincing myself I am not like those alkies- and feeling so guilty and weak.
I know I need help, I feel it everyday when I look at my kids and see their hurt because mummy is grumpy as usual because mummy has a freakin' hangover..
How the f--- did I get here?????I have no excuses, I have no REAL trauma or reason to bury my memories or feelings.
I had a difficult upbringing but not in the usual sense - it's hard to explain.....
I don't know where to start and I feel very, very alone in this...
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