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    NO Control

    For a while now I have been looking at posts on this site and smugly thinking "lucky that's not me!'.
    Well I think we all know what's that's about - denial! I mean who would seek out a site like this if not for themselves or a loved one?
    I think if I'm honest I have probably always had a problem with drink. when I was younger my weekend binges would be far more substantial than my friends and I recall often having blackouts. I would be told I had been walking/talking etc just fine but I could never remember a thing from say the 2nd drink and I would sometimes be told of things I'd done that were so far removed from what I thought were my standards of behaviour.
    I have been promiscuous( not for a long time though - not that it makes any difference) spent money I could not afford and put myself in many risky situations.
    I met my partner 10 years ago and curbed my partying quite a bit as happens with a lot of people but still didn't really ahve my drinking under control.
    I think I must have done some fair damage to my liver as for a long time I began to be able to only handle 2 - 4 drinks and still I would get massive hangovers that would often last well into the next evening(& not just seedy but vomitting , mass headache, weakness ) and still I couldn't forego the drink.
    When I fell pregnant with my first child in 2004 I stopped drinking. I was good throughout the pregnancy and also in between and up to the birth of my second child in 2006.
    And then I fell apart- My partner had begun working away to supplement the loss of my income when our first child was born and that is still our situation today.Our daughter is almost 5 and our 3 and a half.
    Somehow I've ended up drinking most days, hiding the evidence, promising myself I'll NEVER drink again, lying to my partner, being less of a mother to my two beautiful kids than thay deserve, attending several AA meetings and convincing myself I am not like those alkies- and feeling so guilty and weak.
    I know I need help, I feel it everyday when I look at my kids and see their hurt because mummy is grumpy as usual because mummy has a freakin' hangover..
    How the f--- did I get here?????I have no excuses, I have no REAL trauma or reason to bury my memories or feelings.
    I had a difficult upbringing but not in the usual sense - it's hard to explain.....
    I don't know where to start and I feel very, very alone in this...

    #2
    NO Control

    helo and welcome guilty girl,this is a great community in which support & advice in a non judgemental way is given,read as many threads and posts as you can and you will see that you are not alone,not alone at all,you say you dont know where to start,well you have started, you have come here and taken the first big step in trying to change your life for the better, hope you stick around, lots of your great countrymen/women here. keep posting.:-)


    :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

    Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
    I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

    This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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      #3
      NO Control

      :welcome: guilty girl,

      You've made a huge step today just by posting. Thank you for your honesty.

      You're in a good safe place with no judgement. As mario said read and around, make your self comfortable. You'll soon find names becoming familiar.

      Won't overwhelm you with advice at the moment.

      Just wanted to say you're not alone any more. We're all in this together.

      J x

      :l
      It could be worse, I could be filing.
      AF since 7/7/2009

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        #4
        NO Control

        Welcome GG and well done on taking a huge step in recognising that there is a problem and coming here and posting. Firstly as Mario says, you are not alone with this problem any more there are thousands of members here and everyone of us is here because of the same problem, alcohol has taken control. Well the great news is we can take our lives back and many people here are years sober. May I suggest you start by downloading the WMO book and reading it, it will help you to find a plan of action that will work for you. Keep posting and dont be afraid to ask questions or for help if you need it. Nobody will judge you here.
        Keep safe
        KTAB
        Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

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          #5
          NO Control

          We're all in this together


          :welcome:
          :new: too
          Hi Guilty Girl.
          Name is Stirly and I'm new here too. Just started a thread yesterday and the response has been amazing. JackieClaire was on of the first to reply and I'd like to thank her again.
          I have chosed today as Day 1 for me to be AF. Nobody really knows or understands how we got here. The main thing is that we know and admit that we have a problem and that we want to do something about it. Mario is right. You took the first big step by posting on MWO. I don't mean to talk like a long-time member but I was AF for almost 2-1/2 years and I know it can be done. I happened to do it with no supplements, no drugs, etc. but that was just for me. This site has a huge amount of help available from what I've read. A book, CD's supplements, etc. You have to have the determination to fight the beast. I like to say that an alcoholic who continues to drink (and I put myself first in the group) is a murder who murders one day at a time and the victim is his own self.
          Lots of support here. Read the threads. Everybody has their own story but it all boils down to one thing. We all have the same enemy that controls us as long as we let it, but deep down inside and with the support of those around us, (especially MWO members) we can beat this. Will be following your thread and hoping for the best. You CAN do it
          Stirly:l
          For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
          AF since 10/10/2015:yay:

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            #6
            NO Control

            .
            A gentle hand may lead even an elephant by a hair

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