worried and giving up something really important to me

[lil.michelle]

I'm now 5 months pregnant, completely sober and have been throughout my pregnancy and some time before.
HOWEVER, my drinking started after the birth of my amazing little girl. To be honest, i'm lucky nothing has ever happened to her as from a few months old i was drinking heavily and sometimes when i was her only carer. It's the worst thing i have ever done in my life and almost lost my hubby and her to it. It makes me feel sick to my stomach that i did what i did but i was so depressed and just needed that 'escape' which wasn't an escape after all.

I really REALLY want to breastfeed my little boy when he is born but i'm just sooo scared that i will drink again and i will not risk his life or my daughters life but i just don't trust myself or that voice in my head as even after ALL this time sober, i STILL hear it loud and clear. SO as soon as my hubby finishes his leave, i've decided to stop breastfeeding and bottle feed little one so that i can take my antabuse. I only take half a tablet every 2/3 weeks and the fear of getting ill by it is enough to stop me drinking.

Sad that it has to come down to this but i'm so scared. I just needed to get that off my chest cause it brings me to tears that i'm not going to be a good enough mum as i'm not going to breastfeed him.

[tlrgs]

worried and giving up something really important to me

well sounds like you have a good plan and as for any plan you can change it as time goes on .. so just take it one day at a time and keep coming here and letting it out .. you are doing fine and we are always here for you .. stay strong and keep thinking positive

[sunshine_gg]

worried and giving up something really important to me

Honey, not nursing him will not make you any less of a 'good mom' :l

The fact, that you are already making definite plans to make sure he will not be at risk, on the other hand does. So does the fact, that you will be staying AF.

Again, as we have heard/said so many times before: If you had any other chronicle illness that would require you to take medication and prevent you from nursing, neither you nor anyone else would ever think of you as a lesser mom.

[Lavande]

worried and giving up something really important to me

lil.michelle,

Please try not to worry too much ahead of time! You do have a good plan in place & like Sunni said - not nursing him will not make you any less of a 'good mom'.

Could you possibly seek some counseling now, before the baby is born? Maybe someone could help you expand on your plan & make you feel more confident. Were you diagnosed with post partum depression after the birth of your daughter? If that was the case, it may not happen again. But please try to talk to someone soon to ease your fears.

Wishing you the very best, take good care of yourself!

Lav

[dora]

worried and giving up something really important to me

Hi,

First of all well done on staying off the drink!! That is great, and will give your baby the best start in life. Don't measure how good a mum you will be by whether you can breast feed or not. I have 2 girls and didn't breast feed either of them for various reasons, don't beat yourself up about it. I too started drinking VERY heavily after the birth of my children, I was diagnosed with post natal depression after my second girl was born. Parenthood is not easy and I like Lavandes idea of getting counselling before the baby was born. I have had CBT for the past 18 months and it has really helped. By being sober now you will be more receptive to CBT and how you can change thinking patterns and behaviours. Stay strong,

Dora x

[redhibiscus]

worried and giving up something really important to me

From what you just shared, you are a fantastic mom, making plans to take a medication to stay well. I was unable to breastfeed my firstborn, and she is a happy, healthy young woman, living life to the fullest. I was able to breastfeed my son and he is a wonderful, loving, caring young man. So, in the long run, although breastfeeding is wonderful, the outcome of your children will not depend on that. But if you drink, that is another thing. So you are doing everything in your power to prevent what happened after the birth of your daughter. You are wonderful, thoughtful, and intelligent.

A suggestion, if you are afraid of getting depressed again after the birth, talk to your doctor now about counseling or other options. In the past, you did what you knew, now that you know better, you are doing things differently. Sending you strength and hope.

[savon19]

worried and giving up something really important to me

I agree with all who said you sound like a VERY caring Mom!

From what you said about feeling so depressed after your first was born, have you considered you may be predisposed to post partum depression? I've heard it's Much more common than once thought..

It might be something to discuss with your doctor. There are probably ways to lessen and/or avoid those feelings. And you could read up on PPD to see if it's possible that's what you experienced before - and see what others do to avoid it.

Just some thoughts.

But, also want to say it's Great that you've been AF throughout this pregnancy!! BIG PATS on back to you!

[Angelcakes]

worried and giving up something really important to me

Hey Michelle,I had exactly the same concerns after my 2nd one was born...+ I was living overseas with little support. So I was up front with my midwife - told her I'd suffered PND after baby #1 and didn't have it treated - drank too much instead. I went on a/d's and had a much better experience.
You're a great Mum Michelle...preparing for the birth as you are - the most important thing in the first 2yrs of a babies life is a happy Mummy - more important than breastfeeding. And you're doing that, in not drinking you'll be much happier.
You're making the right decision,if that's what you need to do to stay off the booze then do it.
You'll be fine.

xo

[Doggygirl]

worried and giving up something really important to me

lil.michelle, I think it's great that you are thinking of all the possibilities like you are. Like the other people have said, I too think your concern is what makes you a GREAT Mom. Congratulations on your pregnancy. One day at a time and all will be OK.

DG