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    #1

    Not new but starting over and in need of support

    Hi. Some of you know my story already but here goes. I am a woman in my early 30s, a professional with a graduate degree and a great job. I live with my boyfriend and I am waiting to hear about a very important graduate opportunity. I have made several attempts to quit drinking this year and also to end my relationship. I am not even sure he is the problem anymore. Apparently I am depressed or something. My dad is a full blown alcoholic and no one on his side of the family can drink. They quit or it kills them. I am very worried as I have been back to daily drinking since my relationship has hit the rocks. I feel overwhelmed, depressed, and frightened. Every time I try to talk to one of my friends it results in a binge because all of my social interactions involve drinking. I find myself to be incapacitated the next day. I have been missing work or showing up and bursting into tears and this makes me feel worse and worse. I feel like home holds no quarter for me as my relationship is part of the problem. That is no excuse for disapearing for 8 hours and turning up back at home loaded and saying mean things. I hesitate to tell all here because I am very ashamed.

    But the truth is if I am hung over I will sneak drinks in the morning to ease the pain. I feel as though its as bad as its ever been. I am stuck in the "I will quit tomorrow" mind bender. I call it that because by 3 pm I have convinced myself that I need to drink at least a little to avoid the pain of detoxifying. Every part of me is crying out for salvation here. I really want to start tomorrow and aim for 10 days of sobriety. I have made it almost 2 weeks 3 times this year. 10 days is somewhat arbitrary but "forever" is too overwhelming. I am starting this thread because I am desperate for support. I have even been considering going to a meeting because I feel so alone in this. I am also looking into ordering Baclofen but I am a little afraid to try it without my doctor and I dont want to ask her for it. (More shame).

    This person I am lately does not think or seem to care about even eating let alone making it to work every day! I have SO MUCH TO LOSE here. I am even ashamed to post here and admit my problem to those of you who know me. Perhaps it is the fact that my dad has gone off the deep end (liquor morning to night) or that my relationship has fallen apart. Or maybe its my fault and I am destroying everything I touch. Perhaps my problems are an excuse and I am just a darn drunk. Please, I need help .. maybe there is someone in the area who I could talk to. I am at the end of my rope! This thread is my start. :upset:
    Liath
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    #2
    Not new but starting over and in need of support

    That was my dad too. He died last year, unfortunately --at 65.

    And we have all felt that shame --believe me. I'm not going to tell you not to, because that just comes with the territory. The more ashamed you are, the better chance you'll have of quitting.

    I lost my job due to drinking, btw. It was not pretty.

    10 days is not arbitrary, it's a fine goal. ONE day is a fine goal!

    I wish you the best of luck! Don't forget that we've all been there in one way, shape or form. We're here to support you however we can.
    Kelly

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      #3
      Not new but starting over and in need of support

      Hi Liath,

      Just to let you know we're thinking about you; sorry you feel so lonely. Hopefully MWO can help. It might also be good for you to go to a meeting; talking/listening to others in similar positions can help.

      MF

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        #4
        Not new but starting over and in need of support

        :l Liath

        There is only one way to go honey... forward. Try to think of all the things you stand to GAIN, rather than lose. Your self respect, being the most important.

        As urban has said.. we've all been there and we are here to support you. PM me anytime. And chin up, kiddo. You CAN do this - but you need to want it more than anything else.
        Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

        Winning since October 24th, 2013

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          #5
          Not new but starting over and in need of support

          Thanks Urban. Sorry about your dad. I am very afraid I will have to go through that soon. Thanks MF.

          Sunny, good to hear from you. I had to post my big sad story so I have more motivation. In only a few days I will read it and be grateful I am not in that place. Its tough to deal with relationship and family problems especially around the holidays. Better to deal with it sober because drinking creates even more problems! Its just not right!
          Liath

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            #6
            Not new but starting over and in need of support

            Hi Liath,
            I remember you from past posts and am sorry to hear you are not doing so well. I am encouraging you to just try the ODAT thing. If you need to, go get the Bacolefen or Topa or whatever. It sounds like you are feeling worse and worse...Sunny is right...move forward. I am trying ODAT at this point as I too have struggled recently. It is hard around the holidays, you have my support. When drinking, all problems seem worse and remain unsolved. Sounds like you have many issues to work on, but sober is the only way to begin to make sense of what you want and need in your life.:l
            Redhibiscus
            ______________________________

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              #7
              Not new but starting over and in need of support

              Gosh Red. I hope you are well- Reading my own post is just frightening. I know I will be OK, if only I can get some AF time and my confidence back. I certainly have some issues but I also have MANY things to be thankful for, including a boss and friends who have been understanding, there for me. I know that AL turns me into an ungrateful you know what. I dont want to be a mess or let people down anymore. I have accomplished great things this year, including getting a masters, publishing, and applying to PhD programs. I am just in a transition, afraid, and especially afraid for my father. Its no excuse to fall apart. I may have to start a new thread on a more hopeful note as this one is truely embarrassing!
              Liath

              Comment

                #8
                Not new but starting over and in need of support

                Hi Liath,

                We both joined MWO last February. It took me until near the end of March but I did it - I went AF & you can do it too!
                Like Sunny said - you have to want it more than anything! Sit down & write yourself a new plan. Identify your triggers (people/places/situations) & be ready to handle them without AL. Go back to the Tool box for lots of good ideas!

                You can do this & we're here to help you. Drop in the Newbies Nest - I'm still there everyday because it feels like home

                Wishing you the very best!

                Lav
                AF since 03/26/09
                NF since 05/19/09
                Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

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                  #9
                  Not new but starting over and in need of support

                  Wow Lav-

                  It did not take you long, I am impressed. I will hopefully have good, positive things to say very soon. I am fed up and just cant throw my life away. I appreciate everyone on this site so much!
                  Liath

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                    #10
                    Not new but starting over and in need of support

                    hai am karthik, i too have teh same problem. I drink like anything.I drink assuming this is teh last day in my life.
                    Dont worry, i have drinking everyday for teh apst 13-14 years and that too on weekends iam gone. I frequently experience stiomach pain.
                    today i have decided to quit alcohol. let us try the same. What i ahve decided today is that , after reaching home , i iwl go for a long walk and as soon as i eneter home, i will take my food. once teh stomach is full..... lets see. i pray god taht you should quit alcohol and you too do teh same . All the best.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Not new but starting over and in need of support

                      Karthik, your first post! Good for you! I would be happy to work together on this! Where are you from, if you dont mind my asking?

                      I will likely start a new thread that is not so darn depressing. Please keep posting!
                      Liath

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                        #12
                        Not new but starting over and in need of support


                        I didn't say that to be depressing. I'm personally just pissed that that happened. He was a very talented man and it was a huge waste.
                        Kelly

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                          #13
                          Not new but starting over and in need of support

                          hi Liath , I am sorry you are struggling. I am, as well.
                          :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Not new but starting over and in need of support

                            Urban- Dont worry, I completely understand. My dad is also a talented man. All we can really do now is not let our own lives go down the tubes, right?

                            Dexterhead, I am so sorry that you are also struggling. And you are my special Wisco friend! I am back and we can talk a lot more!
                            Liath

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Not new but starting over and in need of support

                              OK, the AL is gone from the house. I am starting AF right now at this moment everyone!
                              Liath

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